Why do some parents lie to teachers?

[Anonymous]

Full disclosure: I'm a teacher, but this isn't a vent. I am just trying to understand the motivation and the moral rationale of lying to teachers. Doesn't it do more harm to your DC in the long run? Not to mention the damage done to the parent-teacher relationship when the teacher either knows off the bat you are lying or learns the truth later. I guess I see it the same as lying to your child's pediatrician ("Of course, Larlo had the measles vaccine. Your records must be wrong! Just fill out the preschool form.") or dentist ("I swear Larla flosses!"). Wait... do parents lie to the pediatrician and dentist, too? My kids never floss. It's embarrassing, but the dentist can tell anyway so why embarrass all three of us by lying? In some weird almost counter-intuitive way, am I actually failing in my parental duty by not lying for my kids since so many others are doing it?

[Anonymous]

What are parents lying about that you can easily recognize it as a lie?

I'm only in year #5, so maybe my parental radar isn't strong yet, but I can't think of a situation where I've known the parent was lying.

[Anonymous]

Ok, that's pretty general. Why do teachers lie about knowing kids and what they will do for them? Why do teachers act like they are the experts on others kids when in reality they only know most kids at the surface level as they deal with many kids a day? Why not listen to parents when they are expressing concerns about their kids? If kids can do more than they are doing, why not give them the opportunity to try rather than assume they cannot do it?

P.S. there are some things that are none of the teacher's business.

[Anonymous]

Because they are saving face in the moment and think they can fix the problem later.

[Anonymous]

Please give an example, OP.

I can't think of a single occasion where something has been so embarrassing and critical that I was tempted to LIE to a teacher (or doctor, dentist, etc).

[Anonymous]

NP here--I've only run into this occasionally as a teacher (at least when it comes to blatant lies). One student who missed a few days of school each week often gave me a different reason than the excusable absence reason his parents gave, for example.

[Anonymous]

If the parent doesn't think the teacher will operate fairly, the parent may think the teacher doesn't need the truth. The teacher is not respected. Some teachers have done something to lose the respect; some teachers, unfortunately, are experiencing the results of parents having a bad experience with other teachers/school personnel in the past.
Without more specifics, the degree of harm this does can not be discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, that's pretty general. Why do teachers lie about knowing kids and what they will do for them? Why do teachers act like they are the experts on others kids when in reality they only know most kids at the surface level as they deal with many kids a day? Why not listen to parents when they are expressing concerns about their kids? If kids can do more than they are doing, why not give them the opportunity to try rather than assume they cannot do it?

P.S. there are some things that are none of the teacher's business.

Let me guess, you have designated yourself to speak for all parents of DCUMland geniuses. Because you would never ever exaggerate, let alone lie about your child's abilities to get Snowflake ahead.

[Anonymous]

I've inadvertently lied to a teacher about something when I was confused about it -- thought my kid had done the homework but she had done a different (but similar) assignment.

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Mostly parents with kids with problems (most of us) are exhausted and trying our best to help our kids, but we often feel at wits' end and that sometimes the schools nit pic at each little thing. So lying is just a way to get out of something you don't want to do. Yes, I know this is not mature, but I have three kids who are usually fine, but I hate hearing from the school that kid one spit gum at recess and kid 2 didn't put the tops on magic markers and kid three didn't turn in her book report on time. Ofcourse, i would want to know immediately if any of the kids were violent, depressed. extremely rude, or mean to other children. But I wish the school would just take care of little stuff. The last time I volunteered the teacher I was helping, wanted to report every little thing. My impulse was just to tell the kid to stop tickling or teasing in a firm voice. The kids seemed to respond and next time I just gave the kid the evil eye and she controlled her impulses. So there is my rant. I am thankful to teachers. really. Just have my bad days as a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are parents lying about that you can easily recognize it as a lie?

I'm only in year #5, so maybe my parental radar isn't strong yet, but I can't think of a situation where I've known the parent was lying.

lol

You must work in La La Land then.

When a kid constantly misbehaves in class and the teacher has tried everything, the parent covers for the child. lie, lie, lie

one example

[Anonymous]

OP, some people just lie in general. They're not lying to you because you're a teacher, they're lying to you because they're liars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they are saving face in the moment and think they can fix the problem later.

This.

Or they just want to present the best front possible and they don't really care about fixing anything.

OP, I completely get where you're coming from. I have a kid with SNs and I know parents who lie to their kid's teachers, therapists, developmental pediatricians, etc. They know on some level what the truth is, but they want their kid to doing better than they are. They can't face the truth. It's rather sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they are saving face in the moment and think they can fix the problem later.

This.

Or they just want to present the best front possible and they don't really care about fixing anything.

OP, I completely get where you're coming from. I have a kid with SNs and I know parents who lie to their kid's teachers, therapists, developmental pediatricians, etc. They know on some level what the truth is, but they want their kid to doing better than they are. They can't face the truth. It's rather sad.

Most of the SN parents i know are well aware of their kids needs and concerns and don't say they are doing better as then the kids don't get the supports or help they need. I know exactly my kids strengths and what they need to work on. Our develop. ped does not want to talk to anyone, including parents in his assessment. We talk regularly to our one therapist and work together to create and meet goals. I gave up talking to the teachers as they underestimate my child and act surprised when he does and knows far more than they give him credit for. I just sit back and say, yes, thank you. I know, I tried to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they are saving face in the moment and think they can fix the problem later.

This.

Or they just want to present the best front possible and they don't really care about fixing anything.

OP, I completely get where you're coming from. I have a kid with SNs and I know parents who lie to their kid's teachers, therapists, developmental pediatricians, etc. They know on some level what the truth is, but they want their kid to doing better than they are. They can't face the truth. It's rather sad.

Most of the SN parents i know are well aware of their kids needs and concerns and don't say they are doing better as then the kids don't get the supports or help they need. I know exactly my kids strengths and what they need to work on. Our develop. ped does not want to talk to anyone, including parents in his assessment. We talk regularly to our one therapist and work together to create and meet goals. I gave up talking to the teachers as they underestimate my child and act surprised when he does and knows far more than they give him credit for. I just sit back and say, yes, thank you. I know, I tried to tell you.

My experience exactly.
I tell the stark truth about my child with special needs. The ped. and psych. believe me. The teachers never do. Then they come back months later and say in a surprised tone: "You know, he's actually very smart! He can do X things which are 5 grades above grade level!". I know, I told this at the beginning of the year, dum-dum.