Why do some parents lie to teachers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother regularly lied to my teachers and school. She would lie about the reasons I was late for class, why I left school without being signed out, or why I didn't do my homework. She didn't want me to get in trouble for these things, so would make excuses. The truth was that she was an alcoholic and my home life was chaotic. I was late or not picked up because she was passed out. I didn't do my homework because I was busy fending for myself.

I'm sure the teachers saw through the lies, but what could they do? OP, be careful what you wish for. Sometimes, you really don't want the truth.

So sorry, PP. I appreciate your candor. I had a rough childhood, too but school was a real refuge and the one area my parents didn't let their chaos touch. I am thankful for that. I definitely don't want to pry into anyone's private family business, but I'd rather work with no information than misinformation. Actually, I don't think I've asked parents for an "excuse" more than a half dozen times in a fifteen year career. I personally usually don't need one (the administration might if it's a major problem such as a missed exam or chronic absences where the decisions to excuse are above my pay grade). Not sure how to communicate that nicely to parents without seeming like I don't care. It's actually the opposite: I care too much to worry about the "whys" and the lies just get in our way of finding a fix. --OP

OP, you still haven't given a concrete example of the lies that get in the way of finding a fix. It seems like you go around assuming people are inherently dishonest. I'm taking my kids out of school to go to Disney world for a few days. I will be honest about that. I'm sure there are parents who may lie about that, and dishonesty really isn't ok, especially in a setting where your kids will have to lie to keep up with your lie. However, I'm not sure such a lie is what you are talking about. I've had a teacher outright lie about something she said to my son. He came home and told me what she said to him. I'm friends with the parents of one of his classmates so called and asked the classmate to tell me what the teacher said to my son because I thought maybe my son misunderstood. That child said verbatim what my son said. It was mean and offensive so I spoke to the assistant principal. The teacher said she didn't say anything of the sort. If she had said the kids misunderstood what she said, I would have possibly given her the benefit of the doubt, but the fact that she totally denied everything, and two kids relayed the exact story, made it clear she was lying. I didn't then assume all teachers are liars. Maybe you need to lighten up a bit.

I never said all parents lie. Even the title specifies "some parents". Out of fear of accidentally revealing who they are, I can't really give concrete examples of lies I've caught parents in that impeded helping their kids. Let it suffice to say that there was ample proof even for my administrator (and her supervisor when involved) that the parents had lied. These were not little white lies, but intentional and pretty elaborate falsehoods. Once a parent created false documentation to support a prior lie. It's sad.

I'm sorry that a teacher mistreated your son and then lied to you about it. We're all supposed to be a team for the kids. I really feel lies chip away at our work.

What is the point of this post? You make a sweeping generalizing statement about parents lying and then cannot reveal the details. What exactly are we supposed to respond to? If the lies are complicated and not benign as you seem to imply, then most of the answers aren't going to fit the bill.