In-laws want to go see ds in college

[Anonymous]

Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

We do things alone all the time. He just does not want to spend the whole weekend alone with his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

We do things alone all the time. He just does not want to spend the whole weekend alone with his parents.

Then he should say no.

[Anonymous]

DH's parents = DH's ownership of the trip logistics. "What a nice idea. Spring is my busy season at work so I wouldn't be able to get away. But check with Brad and see if he's up for it."

Another option is they drive out with you to pick up DS at the end of the year. Walk the campus, go to dinner, then take them to the local rental car outlet so they can get back to the airport in their own time while you pack out DS. Warn them ahead of time that there will not be passenger space on the return trip because of all DS' stuff. "You know how college kids are -- it barely fit in the car on the way TO school, and I'm sure he's acquired more stuff along the way."

[Anonymous]

They might think they are being nice grandparents by offering to do this. If you are ok with including them on parents weekend for next year, offer that.

[Anonymous]

That is ridiculous.

"Here is the address, unfortunately I can't join for this trip, but let me know if/when you make travel plans and I'll let DS know."

You should not be responsible to be their chauffeur for whatever whim they want. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

You are not willing to spend one weekend to keep the peach in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not willing to spend one weekend to keep the peach in the house?

Doesn't sound like they live in her house, thank god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

We do things alone all the time. He just does not want to spend the whole weekend alone with his parents.

Then he should say no.

This. Just tell him you’re not going on any such trip, and he can do as he likes. He shouldn’t be using you as a buffer.

[Anonymous]

Let go OP. Not your parents.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

What’s wrong with letting your husband handle it? It’s his parents, he can say yes or no. You can chill at home.

No, he doesn't want to go alone with them. I also do think ds would think it's weird if I don't go. It would have to be during a weekend.

Your husband can suck it up, or he can be the one to tell them no. If they're unhappy they can discuss it with the son they raised.

Stop people-pleasing! Your DS can also learn to deal. It's not weird.

I've trained by inlaws to go to DH, not me. He has to man up and decide if he wants to meet their demands or tell them no. It's not my relationship to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not willing to spend one weekend to keep the peach in the house?

OP, sounds like this pp is offering to drive them! Since keeping the peach is so important to them, they must be willing to do the 14h drive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

We do things alone all the time. He just does not want to spend the whole weekend alone with his parents.

So why are you on here wringing your hands about this? There’s your answer. He doesn’t want to. He can say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they be able to handle the flight, and two hour drive by themselves? I can understand them wanting to visit their grandson in his college town. I plan on taking my mother to see my son for her 81st birthday next month which will involve me driving two hours to pick her up, then driving two hours to the college town, and reverse on the way back, with me planning and paying for hotel, meals, etc.

I have fond memories of my grandparents who made surprise visits from 2.5 hours away to my college town a number of times.

Flights would be very expensive. They do not want to spend a lot of money. They think the train is too expensive too so mil said she wants us to drive her. Meanwhile that requires us staying over as well and spending for that as well, and possibly their hotel room too, and meals. It's just very awkward spending this much time with them, and the whole money aspect tbh really irritates me because they are very selfish when it comes to family but have zero issue spending when with friends. If it were a two hour trip it'd be fine and just a day trip but this is a lot to contemplate doing just to humor them.

Say no. You’re a ridiculous martyr if you take this on.