Stepdaughter’s Clingyness Towards DH

[Anonymous]

It is concerning. I wonder if there is a history of sexual abuse, his is how she thinks she is supposed to act. Does she spend any time with her other parent?
That being said, there is nothing you can do. This is her parents job to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepdaughter who recently turned 16 is super clingy with DH—following him around the house & hovering around him, sitting on his lap, and curling up next to him in the coach, wanting to sit next to him. It’s starting to feel a little much, especially for her age.
I’m wondering if this still typical for a teenager (older step kids weren’t like this) or is this just her personality, she is a little immature. Will she grow out of it, or is this a phase that could last longer?

As the step mother you should just stay in your lane on this one. Stop creating drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the 16 year old is jealous, she us now demonstrating it's sexual jealousy too by getting between cuddling adults. Her behavior is now sexualized.

All of that is pure speculation. Step parents are prone to exaggerating the faults of their step children because THEY are jealous. You have to take this all with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with the affection she shows toward DH, but I do think some of it might be a bit age-inappropriate—like always wanting to sit by him or sitting on his lap around family or friends (home is fine) or climbing into our bed when we’re cuddling, pushing other kids away during hugs, etc. That’s why I’m asking other parents for their thoughts. -OP

Not age appropriate at all. PPs seem to think divorce excuses a lot of weird behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with the affection she shows toward DH, but I do think some of it might be a bit age-inappropriate—like always wanting to sit by him or sitting on his lap around family or friends (home is fine) or climbing into our bed when we’re cuddling, pushing other kids away during hugs, etc. That’s why I’m asking other parents for their thoughts. -OP

Not age appropriate at all. PPs seem to think divorce excuses a lot of weird behavior.

It explains most of the weird behavior. This is something the actual parents need to address, not the insecure step mom who was dumb enough to marry a man with kids in the first place. OP needs to tell her husband it makes her uncomfortable, but only once, not nagging him to death about it.

This kid will be off to college in 2 years. Ride it out.

[Anonymous]

Stepper families never work. This is proof.
Next..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with the affection she shows toward DH, but I do think some of it might be a bit age-inappropriate—like always wanting to sit by him or sitting on his lap around family or friends (home is fine) or climbing into our bed when we’re cuddling, pushing other kids away during hugs, etc. That’s why I’m asking other parents for their thoughts. -OP

Not age appropriate at all. PPs seem to think divorce excuses a lot of weird behavior.

It explains most of the weird behavior. This is something the actual parents need to address, not the insecure step mom who was dumb enough to marry a man with kids in the first place. OP needs to tell her husband it makes her uncomfortable, but only once, not nagging him to death about it.

This kid will be off to college in 2 years. Ride it out.

You think OP should ride it out for two yrs? This behavior is beyond inappropriate and has to be addressed by her DH ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for this child that has ended up in a situation where she seems to think that this level of over the top behavior is how to live her best life. I don’t know if there really is something inappropriate in how she has been treated (by dad or someone else) or if she is just extremely resentful of the stepmom. But, she is a child who seems to be dealing with some real issues. Oblivious dad isn’t helping here.

[Anonymous]

I did not read this entire thread really but I saw some people supporting the behavior, which I think is odd. She's 16 years old. Cuddling up and hugging, normal OK. Sitting in his lap, not so much.

[Anonymous]

This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

[Anonymous]

For context, I am not a step parent and my parents never did divorce.
However, as someone who grew up with a father prone to emotional enmeshment bordering emotional incest, I urge you to take a close look at the father’s role in all of this!
A 16 year old is never completely responsible for an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Never! She is being egged on, however covertly and subconsciously, by her father. He doesn’t realize it but he needs to be in therapy asap to address his own emotional enmeshment tendencies.
For context, I felt bad for my dad being “exploited” by my mom, felt sorry for him and protective. I now realize he was just a weak man and it was not my job to protect him or even want to do so. He put me in a very unhealthy position by going along with this relationship dynamic with his wife, my mother.
He would also say inappropriate things which I didn’t think much of at the time. He is probably on the spectrum so I fully believe he didn’t have any inappropriate intent (ar least not consciously and he would never ever DO anything) but sometimes it’s not your intent that matters but how others perceive your words and actions.

[Anonymous]

I am the sexualized behavior PP and I am not a stepmother or a sexual abuse victim. I was a virgin until 20.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a stepmom and wouldn’t consider this normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

Pretty off base. Not a Step mom, abuse victim, or promiscuous with an amazing dad I have a great relationship with. I think it is weird AF and totally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Write her out of the will. Smile in her face though.