DS refusing to miss a class to play with school band (as required)

[Anonymous]

Your student needs to talk to his band teacher first. Can he skip the event without penalty? Going forward, he needs to quit his musical activity. Sorry if that messes up his extra curricular resume.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

[Anonymous]

My son in a similar situation asked the AP teacher if he could attend the AP class during another class period. Then he went to his PE teacher and asked if he could make up a PE class by coming before school or doing lunch because he was in a band performance and had to make up an AP class.

So he went to AP class first period instead of PE then missed 3rd period AP class. Then the day before the performance he did extra PE.

[Anonymous]

I 100% agree with your son's decision and I would be proud of him for being so mature and prioritizing what he feels is important. My daughter had to miss a couple of days earlier this semester for arts related events and it really put her behind and stressed her out. The classes she missed were high level math and physics classes, and while the teachers were happy to meet with her during office hours to help her catch up, it would have been so much simpler for her to stay on top of things if she had been in class to get the full lectures. She says if she had to do it over, she would have made a different decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

OP here. This is an AP class only open to freshmen. My son has an A in the class. He belongs in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

Why would this be any different if the kid were a senior? AP classes, if taught right, are supposed to be hard. They're supposed to be taught at a real college level, and you're not just supposed to casually skip them. If kids can miss classes and it is no big deal, then the class is not really taught at a college level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the teacher of that hard class, your son is making a mature, responsible choice.

I had 6 kids miss my class last week for a mid day band concert. They have now been behind all week and will struggle to catch up before Friday’s test.

I don’t know why performances have to be during the school day.

I can't imagine how missing one day of class for a school-related activity would cause someone to be this behind unless one or both teachers were being intentionally punitive.

OP here - teacher for this class is amazing. Incredibly dedicated and gifted teacher - not punitive. But he has extremely high standards and class moves very quickly. DS does not want to miss class because the teachers is such a good lecturer so it is hard to recreate the in-class learning with just the text book or videos. DS already decided to pass on the spring amusement park band trip because it would require missing this class. (It is a block schedule school so missing one class is really like missing two classes).

I agree with your son. But part of making this mature decision is to talk to band teacher about it- not to simply skip. Maybe band teacher will excuse h8m, maybe he’ll still get a zero for missing- but the teacher should know where he is, why he didn’t attend, and have the opportunity to adjust the music for his sectional if it’s needed.

This. He talks to both teachers and makes a decision and clearly communicates. Stay out of the decision OP but counsel him to do this.

I’m interested that people are suggesting he talk to the band teacher ahead of time. He was worried that the teacher would try to step in and force him to miss the class. At my job we constantly say sometimes it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. This seemed like it might be one of those situations.

What? No. He needs to tell his band teacher ahead of time. The teacher can’t “force” him to attend. He is 16, c’mon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son in a similar situation asked the AP teacher if he could attend the AP class during another class period. Then he went to his PE teacher and asked if he could make up a PE class by coming before school or doing lunch because he was in a band performance and had to make up an AP class.

So he went to AP class first period instead of PE then missed 3rd period AP class. Then the day before the performance he did extra PE.

This is what responsible looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

OP here. This is an AP class only open to freshmen. My son has an A in the class. He belongs in the class.

Not if he's not mature enough to speak with his teachers to work out a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

Why would this be any different if the kid were a senior? AP classes, if taught right, are supposed to be hard. They're supposed to be taught at a real college level, and you're not just supposed to casually skip them. If kids can miss classes and it is no big deal, then the class is not really taught at a college level.

It would be different if he was a senior for a variety of reasons. AP classes are for kids who are prepared for college level work. OP's kid sounds like a bright conscientious kid. He will probably be well prepared for AP classes as a senior. But right now, he isn't prepared for this particular class. It might be that he would be with a better teacher. It might be that there are other AP classes at his school he could do well in. But this teacher and class combination doesn't sound like a fit.

In addition, if he was a senior, and he chose to prioritize the AP class, he'd possibly be gaining transfer credit, and not losing a lot. His grades would already be submitted to colleges. He'd be unlikely to lose his AYPO spot, or his ability to compete for a higher level ensemble for this year, and future years wouldn't be an issue since he won't be back next year. But for a freshman, this could impact 4 years of something that sounds really important to him. Colleges will forgiving of a single low grade in fall of freshman year. It's not worth losing something as important as music for one freshman year grade.

I'll also note that missing a class because you're attending an event that is required for one class, whether it's a field trip, or a performance, isn't "casually skipping class". It's something that high school students do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

OP here. This is an AP class only open to freshmen. My son has an A in the class. He belongs in the class.

If he has an A in the class, why is he freaking out about missing it once?

[Anonymous]

OP, this just plays out. With him navigating, the perhaps, rough waters. True character building. This experience -overall- not a bad thing. Either decision by the student (not the school) is defensible. He will and should defend himself if needed.

btw, my DD once walked off the field during (once again) a practice that ran way long. She had a very important test to (continue) studying for. It was a scene. The coach berated her but instead, she felt empowered. Proud of herself and knew she had the support of her teammates. Thought she made him look much worse

[Anonymous]

Where TF school is this where freshman take hard AP classes??

There is more to life than grinding away at the hardest classes they can get into.
There are so many things kids learn by participating in things like band and sports that they do not get in core academic classes, and commitment to the group, communication, planning, and finding solutions to conflicts are part of life. All of these are important to develop and demonstrate on college apps. Not just GPA farming.

Seriously why the rush for kids to take AP classes Freshman year?

[Anonymous]

So the kid is in band at school and AYPO outside of school? And in a hard AP class as a freshman? Sounds like a tiger parent situation here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the teacher of that hard class, your son is making a mature, responsible choice.

I had 6 kids miss my class last week for a mid day band concert. They have now been behind all week and will struggle to catch up before Friday’s test.

I don’t know why performances have to be during the school day.

I can't imagine how missing one day of class for a school-related activity would cause someone to be this behind unless one or both teachers were being intentionally punitive.

OP here - teacher for this class is amazing. Incredibly dedicated and gifted teacher - not punitive. But he has extremely high standards and class moves very quickly. DS does not want to miss class because the teachers is such a good lecturer so it is hard to recreate the in-class learning with just the text book or videos. DS already decided to pass on the spring amusement park band trip because it would require missing this class. (It is a block schedule school so missing one class is really like missing two classes).

I agree with your son. But part of making this mature decision is to talk to band teacher about it- not to simply skip. Maybe band teacher will excuse h8m, maybe he’ll still get a zero for missing- but the teacher should know where he is, why he didn’t attend, and have the opportunity to adjust the music for his sectional if it’s needed.

This. He talks to both teachers and makes a decision and clearly communicates. Stay out of the decision OP but counsel him to do this.

I’m interested that people are suggesting he talk to the band teacher ahead of time. He was worried that the teacher would try to step in and force him to miss the class. At my job we constantly say sometimes it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. This seemed like it might be one of those situations.

No this is not one of those times and is completely unacceptable. You are teaching your son the wrong way to handle this.

The teacher is busy and stressed and over 100 kids and you think he’s going to have time to “force” your kid to go? You’re crazy.

+1