If you were an affluent, unmotivated kid - what turned you light bulb on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents backed off. Let me know they weren't going to always be there for me. Forced me to go outside. Let me know that after 18, I was on my own if I wasn't in college. Made me get an afterschool job. Stopped coddling me.

Glad this worked. My kids know they are out at 18 as I'm moving abroad.
I moved to US at 18.5 with $100 and no work permit. I did well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

[Anonymous]

I was a lump pretty much until my third year of college. I was unsure what I wanted to do, feeling burnt out (probably ADHD), and super unmotivated. I had always worked outside of school and definitely understood real work, but just really couldn’t pick a lane and care about anything enough. At the end of my sophomore year I had a realization that I wanted to prove my intelligence and stop wasting my parents’ money, and I transferred to a better school and focused on my work. Graduated with a 3.6 (which was great for me) and went on to an elite grad school where I excelled, got very big jobs, and it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

Would you consider connecting him with some older role model-type people, maybe college students and older? They might help him see more clearly into what type of life he would like to have in the future, and what kind of actions getting that life would require.

I have one child, and I try to connect her with older role models. She's younger, but she looks up to them and they communicate with her about what she can expect in the coming years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Went to college and got to pick my classes. The biggest thing, though, was fast food jobs as a teen. I remember distinctly deciding that it was very important that I not work at Taco Bell ever again if I could help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

First PP here. He's probably a late bloomer. He definitely needs some structure. This is not a kid I would push into a 4-year institution 3 months after HS graduation. A structured gap year would probably benefit him.

I wonder if he's got some self-defeating thinking going on (I'm not very good at this subject, so I'm not smart, so I'm not going to try, etc.) I often spiraled into that pattern as a teen and it's hard to read because it doesn't present outwardly like depression and anxiety do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

First PP here. He's probably a late bloomer. He definitely needs some structure. This is not a kid I would push into a 4-year institution 3 months after HS graduation. A structured gap year would probably benefit him.

I wonder if he's got some self-defeating thinking going on (I'm not very good at this subject, so I'm not smart, so I'm not going to try, etc.) I often spiraled into that pattern as a teen and it's hard to read because it doesn't present outwardly like depression and anxiety do.

You can determine this based on this one post and keeping in mind he is 16? I have 3 boys and all of them experienced a huge turnaround/wakeup/maturation during their junior year. Their 16 year old versions of themselves were very different than 18yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

OP here- Try low C, D, and pepper in F on tests and eventually a grade F grade…

If I didn’t ask him questions, positively push him- he would just play video games, or sit in front of the TV.

FYI- We took his phone as a consequence and he’s allowed no gaming for right now. We have allowed him to go to a few school events for school championship games and to connect with friends but on a limited basis so he won’t get depressed. He has a summer job lined up.