Irrational jealousy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had my last kid at 36. I guess they were smarter about having all of their kids before their early 30s…..I’m not 50 but I do have one other kid in college so yes, agreed, poor planning for having them so far apart.

Thank you all for all your advice. I do want it be a better person and not have the resentment gnaw at me and have someone objective tell me I’m wrong!

36 isn’t even old to have your last child. I had my third at 38. If I was invited to some big trip I really wanted to go to, I would try to make arrangements for my child and go.

[Anonymous]

So you think it’s okay to leave a 6 year old with a babysitter and have both parents jaunt off to Africa for a week? Sorry but no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think it’s okay to leave a 6 year old with a babysitter and have both parents jaunt off to Africa for a week? Sorry but no.

So you are only 42-43. Go to Africa for your own 50th birthday in a few years. I really don’t understand why you are resentful.

You probably had a bunch of recent 40th birthday celebrations with your own friends.

We are in our mid forties. Our friends celebrated many 40th birthday trips just the moms. It is usually when kids are no longer nursing and can easily leave kid home with other parent, the way your Dh is leaving kid with you.

Maybe for our 50th, we also will do couple trips. I think by then my son will be in college and I would want to do a big family trip for my 50th.

[Anonymous]

How young are your kids, op?

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is the DH is older and all his friends and peers are done having kids and he’s resentful he has this oops baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is May 15th smack in the middle of the school year? Ok...

Actually it’s near the end of the school year, which in my experience is harder. But also an odd thing to harp on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking OP is a troll.

First she has "young children"
and later she has "a surprise kid"

Ugh who wants either of those at 50!j

I know, right? By the time I am 50, my youngest will be in college. Did she have a surprise baby at 48? How is this even possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I recognize that I probably am a martyr.

Trip location was in Africa last week smack in the middle of school. We are in DC. No parents to look after kids if I skip town/continent. I think I should have been clear with my husband that it was not okay for him to join the couples trip and ditch me. Who does that? I do feel alienated by the trip organizer and especially his wife. It was not like they paid for anything. And it is well known in the social circle that I am the one that has a full time job but still does the lions share of the child rearing since husband is always traveling. Right now he iin London for pleasure and work. He will be out for three weeks.

Sorry but this trip has absolutely nothing to do with you. This is someone else’s birthday celebration. You and your child did not factor into this at all. You sound ridiculous.

I wouldn’t mind doing Africa for my dh’s 50th.

Same. Where in Africa, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is the DH is older and all his friends and peers are done having kids and he’s resentful he has this oops baby

OP said she was 36 when she had her last child and that her child is now 6. That doesn’t exactly sound like an oops baby. OP just has an older husband.

I would not want to go to Africa. That is not my cup of tea but if I really wanted to go, pulling a 6 year old out of school for a week is totally doable. I pulled mine out last year for a trip to Asia and the year before for a trip to Disney. I wouldn’t do it for a kid in high school but for any other age, it is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking OP is a troll.

First she has "young children"
and later she has "a surprise kid"

Ugh who wants either of those at 50!j

I know, right? By the time I am 50, my youngest will be in college. Did she have a surprise baby at 48? How is this even possible?

She was 36, not 48. Her young child is not that young.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I am 46 and our friends are starting to turn 50. We have been casually invited on some trips at inconvenient times so we have not gone. We have 3 kids and not empty nesters. In 4 short years, I will have one kid in college, one kid in high school and one in middle school. We could definitely make arrangements then to go away on a big trip for our friends or our 50th birthday.

My youngest is currently 7. I do not consider her a young child. DH and I have left our older two kids home with grandparents and nanny when they were 4 and 6. I think of babies and toddlers as young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it helps, plan a trip for yourself to get a break from parenting.

+2

Do this instead of festering in passive-aggressive resentment

[Anonymous]

I think OP is a troll or is obscuring some important details. But my advice would be to hire help when your DH is regularly away for work and find a way to get your own weekend off and do something fun for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of ours held his 50th birthday abroad. It was couples only. We have all been friends for 20 years. We are the only ones with a young child. My husband went and joined the 5 couples. I stayed back alone to be with the kids. I’m quite resentful of my husband and especially the birthday person. He half-heartedly said I could bring my kid but I know it would be inappropriate and it’s smack in the middle of the school year. Am I just being irrational with jealousy of everybody? Not just my husband?

Why?

And why on earth are you resentful of the birthday person? They planned the party they wanted. It was their birthday, so they had every right to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford to celebrate someone's birthday overseas but you can't find some to care for your kid while your gone?

I did not feel comfortable leaving my young children with a babysitter for almost a week while I was on different continent. Other friends all have older kids or family that could cover.

Ok, that was your choice. Are you blaming your friend for...turning 50 when you had a young kid?