XH leaving kids alone at night regularly

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it but there is nothing to report. Ask him to hire a sitter or you come babysit or they come to your house for the few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 11 I got my babysitting badge from Girl Scouts and was routinely watching little kids until 10/11pm at night.

Of course that was the 80s and kids were not so coddled then. It taught me responsibility and I went on to be a high achieving person.

Hopefully you can understand the difference between being babysat infrequently by an 11 year old, and being left with your 11 year old sister twice a week until 10pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

That's not true under the law.

Depends on the jurisdiction whether it is neglect but it obviously reflects very badly on the dad’s willingness to parent. I would represent myself pro se to get custody adjusted.

The jurisdiction is DC, which OP stated quite clearly from the get go.

I recently re-did a custody agreement in DC. I would not do it again. They DGAF about kids well being. My ex, who is opposed to treatment for my mentally ill teenager (and would refuse medication adjustments when my child was being physically violent in my home) was going to get full joint legal and the ability to block medication adjustments. Instead, my teen lives with dad now, and dad has to deal with violence when meds need to be adjusted (I agree to med changes that make sense so it doesn't get that far now).

DC does NOT care about your children. They (and NY for that matter since I've had the pleasure of dealing with family court in both places) care far more about parental rights than they do about whether children "feel comfortable" with their parents decisions.

Be careful OP, because it could be twisted to make it look like YOU are making the children feel uncomfortable with the situation, and twisted to take away your time with the kids. The courts DO NOT CARE.

this sounds like a totally different situation.

[Anonymous]

I feel like offering to take the kids for those hours is a slippery slope. Those are HIS custody hours. HE needs to be responsible for them. Are you going to start being the baby sitter when he goes on dates too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

That's not true under the law.

Depends on the jurisdiction whether it is neglect but it obviously reflects very badly on the dad’s willingness to parent. I would represent myself pro se to get custody adjusted.

The jurisdiction is DC, which OP stated quite clearly from the get go.

I recently re-did a custody agreement in DC. I would not do it again. They DGAF about kids well being. My ex, who is opposed to treatment for my mentally ill teenager (and would refuse medication adjustments when my child was being physically violent in my home) was going to get full joint legal and the ability to block medication adjustments. Instead, my teen lives with dad now, and dad has to deal with violence when meds need to be adjusted (I agree to med changes that make sense so it doesn't get that far now).

DC does NOT care about your children. They (and NY for that matter since I've had the pleasure of dealing with family court in both places) care far more about parental rights than they do about whether children "feel comfortable" with their parents decisions.

Be careful OP, because it could be twisted to make it look like YOU are making the children feel uncomfortable with the situation, and twisted to take away your time with the kids. The courts DO NOT CARE.

this sounds like a totally different situation.

It was - a much MORE serious situation than what OP is dealing with. A child with mental illness that only one parent (me) was willing to treat seriously. OPs ex doesn't sound any more agreeable, and he's not putting the children in danger (as long as they have a phone so they can call for help if needed), and the DC courts will absolutely not care.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you but having been through DC Family Court I would not count on them not making the situation worse. Can you work on a routine with the kids that they can repeat there, bringing some sense of control and familiarity? Can they call you during that time, maybe you could read to them before bed, etc.? Having some structure and contact with you, plus a plan for common things that may come up may help them a lot and that is something you CAN control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I admittedly know nothing about custody rules, but why is everyone talking about legal rules? Having the kids eat cookies and soda for dinner every night and stay up until 1 am watching R-rated movies probably isn't illegal either, but if an ex-spouse was raising them like that I'd be concerned. The kids aren't physically in danger, but that is way too young to be left alone for 4 hours twice a week.

Because people understand that parenting differently isn’t cause to get custody modified. If the ex were feeding cookies/soda and OP didn’t like it, custody would not be modified. Nor should it be - when would it stop? If my ex hates fast food, can he take me to court bc we do chikfila every Friday?

leaving a 9 and 11 year old home alone until 10pm on a school night so you can do your hobby is very different from cookies and soda. it quite literally shows that the dad is not interested in his parenting time.

This. And he's not even concerned enough about the kids to hire a trusted sitter.

[Anonymous]

Look up the law in your state to see when kids are legally allowed to be left alone. Usually it is 10 or 12+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 11 and 9 year old can be at home for a few hours. Also, those are not "night" time hours. It's evening just after dinner. Stop protecting your kids and let them grow and live.

They are inside the home. I assume they know. not to answer the phone or open the door. They are fine. Also, I'm betting there are cameras (or at least a Ring doorbell). So, what's the issue? Also, you DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over how your ex raises HIS KIDS. How would you like it if HE TOLD YOU how to raise your kids when they are with you? Leaving a couple of kids who are 11/9 for a few hours is not illegal or wrong parenting.

Think about that.

It’s past their bedtime and they are scared. Is the 11 yr old supposed to stay awake until he gets home so if she hears the door open she doesn’t have to worry it’s a stranger? There are these people called babysitters . . .

Why would you do something on purpose when your kids have told you they are uncomfortable with the arrangement? I’d have more sympathy if it was temporary or if he was earning money to take care of them.

DP. I don’t get it. Can’t they just go to bed before dad gets home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was 11 I got my babysitting badge from Girl Scouts and was routinely watching little kids until 10/11pm at night.

Of course that was the 80s and kids were not so coddled then. It taught me responsibility and I went on to be a high achieving person.

Hopefully you can understand the difference between being babysat infrequently by an 11 year old, and being left with your 11 year old sister twice a week until 10pm.

DP but it seems like it would be more comfortable and less scary in the latter situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up the law in your state to see when kids are legally allowed to be left alone. Usually it is 10 or 12+

DC is not specific, I personally know this to be true and it was stated upthread.

So, not helpful in this case.

This is an example of how divorcing someone self absorbed is not a guaranteed improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

This is determined by state law. In my state there is no age.

[Anonymous]

At that age, anything can happen. My kids would have fought and possibly hurt each other. Even more mild-mannered kids can fall, get injured, have situations that they are not cognitively or emotionally prepared to deal with.

[Anonymous]

I was the neighborhood babysitter at age 11. Why don’t you have your oldest take the Red Cross babysitting class (which is available starting at age 11) and gain some good skills. Then your ex can pay her for the hours he’s gone.

I’d also want to know there was a trusted neighbor nearby whom your kids could contact if a problem arose. Hopefully your ex is leaving things like emergency contacts, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 11 I got my babysitting badge from Girl Scouts and was routinely watching little kids until 10/11pm at night.

Of course that was the 80s and kids were not so coddled then. It taught me responsibility and I went on to be a high achieving person.

Twice a week on school nights? I call BULL$H!t.