Do you make plans with your MIL or does your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently quit managing MIL's visits because of her complete disrespect for boundaries. Now DH checks in with her once a week, and we discuss timing of her visits beforehand. OP, your husband may surprise you and talk to his mother more. Assume your MIL may take it as a snub and treat you differently afterwards. I wouldn't have minded continuing to be the main point of contact if she had respected the boundaries I attempted to establish. Instead, her attitude was my son, my grandkids, I can do whatever I want in you house, stay as long and whenever I want.

Did your MIL ever give a tour of your entire house to distant relatives, in person, even the closed doors, while you stepped out pf your house for an hour? Did you come home to find everyone in your master bathroom? Asking for a friend. Yup.

[Anonymous]

Face the reality, women fight and they do not get along. Let DH make plans with his own mother. Sounds like a perfect plan.

[Anonymous]

So glad I don’t have a son.

[Anonymous]

I don’t make plans with my MIL. But she is a 6 hour flight away, so we rarely see her in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently quit managing MIL's visits because of her complete disrespect for boundaries. Now DH checks in with her once a week, and we discuss timing of her visits beforehand. OP, your husband may surprise you and talk to his mother more. Assume your MIL may take it as a snub and treat you differently afterwards. I wouldn't have minded continuing to be the main point of contact if she had respected the boundaries I attempted to establish. Instead, her attitude was my son, my grandkids, I can do whatever I want in you house, stay as long and whenever I want.

Did your MIL ever give a tour of your entire house to distant relatives, in person, even the closed doors, while you stepped out pf your house for an hour? Did you come home to find everyone in your master bathroom? Asking for a friend. Yup.

When my BIL was visiting he invited people over to our house without asking. I woke up and walked downstairs one morning to find strangers in my living room.

[Anonymous]

My DH does. And there is always some kind of drama over the plans they make. I sit back and watch…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Face the reality, women fight and they do not get along. Let DH make plans with his own mother. Sounds like a perfect plan.

In my experience it’s the opposite. It’s my DH and my MIL who argue. I’m happy to get along and make nice, have pleasant conversation.

[Anonymous]

I would never feel responsible for managing DHs relationship with his mom/parents.
We are each the main contact for our family. I could probably count in two hands the number of direct calls/texts/emails from MIL/FIL over the years. No need to go through an extra person to make plans imo. I’m also not planning his boys nights/poker games/conference calls.

I’m really confused about the poster (troll?) who keeps bringing up feminism and treating your husband like a child?

[Anonymous]

I do my family stuff and she does hers. Obviously we coordinate with each other before putting a visit on the calendar.

[Anonymous]

I think you are probably less annoyed about the actual issue - not seeing your MIL - and more annoyed about him not taking initiative. I get it, I deal with that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad I don’t have a son.

So glad I know what boundaries and basic manners are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could you force him to call his mother back to reschedule? That means he is NOT in charge of scheduling events with his family--you are.

He should have divorced you when you insisted he schedule events with his family and then when he did, you forced him to change the schedule. You don't sound well.

What a joke you are lol divorcing for giving him his responsibilities? Are you for real, isn’t enough for us women to do everything in the house besides working and also we according to you also need to keep that men in good relationships with his own family haha what a joke

[Anonymous]

Why would I ever? She’s his problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop making plans. I told DH I'm responsible for plans with my side, he is responsible for his. Simple. His family blames me for him not making plans and ai look at him (in front of them) and say if Bob wanted to do that he would have arranged it - clearly he didn't want to.

This is dumb because logistically it is much better for one person to be the point person for all inter and intra family logistical planning. This avoids the two of you accidentally scheduling conflicting events. If you want him to be in charge of his family then what happens when he schedules thanksgiving and Christmas at his parents house and you scheduled one or both at your parents? Will you defer to his planning? Of course not you will over rule it and say he is a misogynist relic of the patriarchy.

The fact that it's not 50/50 as you were told it should be in feminism 101 just means that the people who come up with that stuff aren't actually responsible for making anything important happen.

Hahahahha, LOL. Sorry your son just isn’t that into you. -NP

[Anonymous]

Blood deals with blood. I deal with my family and he deals with his.