Weigh in on this parenting diagreement

[Anonymous]

Husband and I have differing opinions, please weigh in.

Background:

I have two teen boys in high school. Dh does the morning drop offs. I do the pickups. There is no busing as they go to school in the next town, private school. The kid's schedules do not mesh with each other this term. School starts at 8:40 for the one and at 1100 for the other? Dh drops off at 8:15 or 8:30, so he can get to work. Assuming no traffic, it is a 22 min drive each way. My 16 year old does not have class untill 1100. Dh wants to drop him off at the usual time and have ds do school work daily before class.
That is 2.5-2.75 hours a day he will be stuck at school.

I work a very flexible part time job. I could drop older ds off for 1100. Dh thinks i am crazy to waste 45 min a day doing this. I though of maybe doing this 2-3 days a week. Dh says he would have had to wait at school when he was a kid and he shouldnt cater to the kids.

Note, he is okay with whatever i decide to do. I just think he is being a jerk. He thinks I'm too soft. But why make my teen's life harder?
Please weigh in.

[Anonymous]

I would be on team DH, but your DH shouldn't decide how you spend (waste) your time, so if you are free to drive your son, go for it.

How did your son manage that schedule?

[Anonymous]

Get the 16-year-old a driver's license and a car and let him take care of himself.

Both of you are trying to helicopter and micromanage his life, and he's old enough to start contributing and controlling some aspects of his own life.

[Anonymous]

I am a ways away from the teen years, but I am thinking it's a good lesson for your son to learn the world (and drop offs/pickups) do not revolve around their schedule. a few extra hours at school studying won't hurt him. it does seem unusual to have a high schooler's schedule allow for hours of free time in the AM. are there other student at his school in the same situation?

[Anonymous]

You are a helicopter parent.

Two drop offs? Wow.

[Anonymous]

NP and I would drive the extra trip rather than have him sit and wait for 3 hours. However, the pp who said to let him drive himself has a good point. I know there are logistics - obtaining a license and an extra car - but you should consider moving in this direction by the end of the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a helicopter parent.

Two drop offs? Wow.

Driving your kid to school makes you a helicopter parent? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to commit to doing the drive in the middle of the day -- seriously disruptive -- but I would tell my son that I will try to drive him a couple times a week, but no promises. I don't think a teen having to entertain himself/get school work done at school for a few hours is such a hardship. Or, he can get his own ride to school -- public bus, friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a ways away from the teen years, but I am thinking it's a good lesson for your son to learn the world (and drop offs/pickups) do not revolve around their schedule. a few extra hours at school studying won't hurt him. it does seem unusual to have a high schooler's schedule allow for hours of free time in the AM. are there other student at his school in the same situation?

I like this!

[Anonymous]

I would think he could easily use those two morning hours to finish homework and study for tests. If you drive him, those hours will be spent in bed.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering how a 16 yo doesn't have class until 11am? How late does his school day go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think he could easily use those two morning hours to finish homework and study for tests. If you drive him, those hours will be spent in bed.

This exactly! And how long will he have this schedule? All year or just a term? I wouldn't want him to get used to the day starting at 11 am if it is going to change to 8 am in a few months.

[Anonymous]

Why is the schedule this way? Was it bad luck or something the 11:00 teen wanted? If you don't drop him off at his time, then every other persons schedule in the family is more important. I would hate to waste hours like that. But is he doing work that he needs to do or reading, something helpful? There's no carpool available to minimize it? I'd probably do it if I had the time to spare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the 16-year-old a driver's license and a car and let him take care of himself.

Both of you are trying to helicopter and micromanage his life, and he's old enough to start contributing and controlling some aspects of his own life.

Driving would not address this issue. There is graduated licensing where i live and you need a licensed adult with you for the first year and cant drive on highways. He would need to take the highway. Also, my sister is paying several thousands to add her teen onto car insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a ways away from the teen years, but I am thinking it's a good lesson for your son to learn the world (and drop offs/pickups) do not revolve around their schedule. a few extra hours at school studying won't hurt him. it does seem unusual to have a high schooler's schedule allow for hours of free time in the AM. are there other student at his school in the same situation?

There are some students with this schedule, most have a different schedule.