MIL to 7 yr old daughter: I think about you every day...do you think about me?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a stoic family so maybe my radar is broken but this comment left me feeling...nauseated.

MIL was here last weekend. Her emotional style is so very different from mine so our personalities clash. Im not cold and unaffectionate by any means but Im just so put off sometimes by her excessive emotionality. She was fawning over my 7 year old DD with comments like "you are the most beautiful granddaughter in the entire world!" and "youre so special!" and "I think about you every day! Do you think about me?"

Oh vommit! The last comment just felt completely inappropriate for a grandparent/adult to say to a child. After she left, I told my daughter its ok if shes doesnt think about grandma every day. My daughter tells me "no mama I DO think about grandma EVERY day because I love her!"

All right, DCUMers, have at it...am I a cold hearted bitch of a DIL for being put off by this remark and telling DD its ok if she doesnt think of grandma every day...or was MIL being inappropriate in asking my daughter for assurance that shes on her mind every day? WTF?!?

Maybe I need psychological help for wanting to puke when MIL fawns all over DD

[Anonymous]

I think you're overthinking things. DD sounds like she's fine, despite the needy grandma. I would forget about it,

[Anonymous]

Roll your eyes and move on. This is not worth obsessing over.

[Anonymous]

It was perfectly normal. It is a grandparent's job to coddle the children. Grandma might also be overcompensating because she see that you do not do it. Either way, smile and let grandma enjoy her precious grandchild. If it bothers you that much then leave the room and go do something else since the child is in capable hands. Change your perspective and try not to be so negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was perfectly normal. It is a grandparent's job to coddle the children. Grandma might also be overcompensating because she see that you do not do it. Either way, smile and let grandma enjoy her precious grandchild. If it bothers you that much then leave the room and go do something else since the child is in capable hands. Change your perspective and try not to be so negative.

*sees

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could learn something from your DD? She sounds wise for her years.

It's nice when someone makes a child feel special. They have a bond that you don't share. Don't ruin it for them. Take your cues from your DD. If she feels uncomfortable about it - then do something. Otherwise, stay out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a stoic family so maybe my radar is broken but this comment left me feeling...nauseated.

MIL was here last weekend. Her emotional style is so very different from mine so our personalities clash. Im not cold and unaffectionate by any means but Im just so put off sometimes by her excessive emotionality. She was fawning over my 7 year old DD with comments like "you are the most beautiful granddaughter in the entire world!" and "youre so special!" and "I think about you every day! Do you think about me?"

Oh vommit! The last comment just felt completely inappropriate for a grandparent/adult to say to a child. After she left, I told my daughter its ok if shes doesnt think about grandma every day. My daughter tells me "no mama I DO think about grandma EVERY day because I love her!"

All right, DCUMers, have at it...am I a cold hearted bitch of a DIL for being put off by this remark and telling DD its ok if she doesnt think of grandma every day...or was MIL being inappropriate in asking my daughter for assurance that shes on her mind every day? WTF?!?

Maybe I need psychological help for wanting to puke when MIL fawns all over DD

Maybe you should consider some help. Clearly it's not MIL, it's your issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was perfectly normal. It is a grandparent's job to coddle the children. Grandma might also be overcompensating because she see that you do not do it. Either way, smile and let grandma enjoy her precious grandchild. If it bothers you that much then leave the room and go do something else since the child is in capable hands. Change your perspective and try not to be so negative.

Agree.

What a blessing to your daughter to have such a loving grandma who expresses her love so freely.

This is a GOOD thing OP. If it is too much for you just go in another room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Roll your eyes and move on. This is not worth obsessing over.

My MIL says stuff like this. I try to ignore these types of comments. She loves the grandkids and that's what matters. She is not around enough to have her emotional immaturity and overall neediness affect the kids in a negative way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Roll your eyes and move on. This is not worth obsessing over.

My MIL says stuff like this. I try to ignore these types of comments. She loves the grandkids and that's what matters. She is not around enough to have her emotional immaturity and overall neediness affect the kids in a negative way.

^^ pp here. Meant to +1 the quote I had grabbed.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, it is you.
Grandparents have a special relationship with their grandchildren. My dad once told me that he liked being a grandparent so much more than a parent because he was able to spend more time with the kids and was able to really listen to and watch them.
And, if you MIL does not live close to you, even more reason for her to dote on her granddaughter.
I think your DD is wise beyond her years.
She gets it.
Sounds like you may be sabotaging the relationship between MIL and DD. If you don’t like your MIL, fine. But, don’t cause this to be a wedge in the relationship between your MIL and DD.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on why MIL is like. Mine is borderline/narcissistic and she says things like this to try to make everyone prove their love and it drives my husband crazy. Also she says "I love you" to me on the phone every time we talk even after my husband asked her to stop because it makes me uncomfortable. It sounds sweet on the surface but she's really cruel at times. I'd rather she stopped with saying super emotional things about her overwhelming love for us all and just started showing it by not being evil...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could learn something from your DD? She sounds wise for her years.

It's nice when someone makes a child feel special. They have a bond that you don't share. Don't ruin it for them. Take your cues from your DD. If she feels uncomfortable about it - then do something. Otherwise, stay out.

Yes grandma was being needy, but your DD was being genuine. Agree with PP, and learn from your DD and stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

That would bug me too. It's not special, it's manipulative.

[Anonymous]

As PP above says, it depends on what your MIL is like otherwise. Mine would talk about everyone behind their backs (kids and adults alike) and then make all these over-the-top declarations, which always come off as fake to me.