MIL to 7 yr old daughter: I think about you every day...do you think about me?

[Anonymous]

Hearing praise from a grandparent is wonderful. Your mil loves your dd. the comment on asking it back was a little strange but nothing to think twice about, she was probably just making conversation and not really choosing her words carefully. She shouldn't have to choose her words carefully around her granddaughter though imo

[Anonymous]

Yes, your radar is off. My mom and MIL fawn over our kids and I LOVE IT. I want my kids to be in loving relationships with good people. I want my kids to know what it feels like to love and be loved. And I quite frequently tell my kids "I was thinking about you today ". As another poster pointed out, take a cue from your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bug me too. It's not special, it's manipulative.

You are way off base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Roll your eyes and move on. This is not worth obsessing over.

My MIL says stuff like this. I try to ignore these types of comments. She loves the grandkids and that's what matters. She is not around enough to have her emotional immaturity and overall neediness affect the kids in a negative way.

^^ pp here. Meant to +1 the quote I had grabbed.

Another+1
Although I am a bit stoic and grew up with a smothering mom who still alternately seeks my affection and chastises me for being "cold." I think we're both a bit emotionally immature in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bug me too. It's not special, it's manipulative.

Yeah I cringed when I read the title.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe all the PPs defending MIL. The declarations of love are fine, but the second she asked the DD to reciprocate, she crossed a line. What if the answer had been "No, I don't think about you every day, Grandma?" Would the DD have felt comfortable saying that, or guilty? I think OP handled the situation correctly and is right to be concerned. No one should act needy towards a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could learn something from your DD? She sounds wise for her years.

It's nice when someone makes a child feel special. They have a bond that you don't share. Don't ruin it for them. Take your cues from your DD. If she feels uncomfortable about it - then do something. Otherwise, stay out.

+1 I means to say that too. If the child is OK with it then where is the issue? Sounds like the parent has baggage they are carrying and projecting onto their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a stoic family so maybe my radar is broken but this comment left me feeling...nauseated.

MIL was here last weekend. Her emotional style is so very different from mine so our personalities clash. Im not cold and unaffectionate by any means but Im just so put off sometimes by her excessive emotionality. She was fawning over my 7 year old DD with comments like "you are the most beautiful granddaughter in the entire world!" and "youre so special!" and "I think about you every day! Do you think about me?"

Oh vommit! The last comment just felt completely inappropriate for a grandparent/adult to say to a child. After she left, I told my daughter its ok if shes doesnt think about grandma every day. My daughter tells me "no mama I DO think about grandma EVERY day because I love her!"

All right, DCUMers, have at it...am I a cold hearted bitch of a DIL for being put off by this remark and telling DD its ok if she doesnt think of grandma every day...or was MIL being inappropriate in asking my daughter for assurance that shes on her mind every day? WTF?!?

Maybe I need psychological help for wanting to puke when MIL fawns all over DD

+1

Maybe you should consider some help. Clearly it's not MIL, it's your issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was perfectly normal. It is a grandparent's job to coddle the children. Grandma might also be overcompensating because she see that you do not do it. Either way, smile and let grandma enjoy her precious grandchild. If it bothers you that much then leave the room and go do something else since the child is in capable hands. Change your perspective and try not to be so negative.

Agree.

What a blessing to your daughter to have such a loving grandma who expresses her love so freely.

This is a GOOD thing OP. If it is too much for you just go in another room.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, it is you.
Grandparents have a special relationship with their grandchildren. My dad once told me that he liked being a grandparent so much more than a parent because he was able to spend more time with the kids and was able to really listen to and watch them.
And, if you MIL does not live close to you, even more reason for her to dote on her granddaughter.
I think your DD is wise beyond her years.
She gets it.
Sounds like you may be sabotaging the relationship between MIL and DD. If you don’t like your MIL, fine. But, don’t cause this to be a wedge in the relationship between your MIL and DD.

+1 Does sound like some jealousy cropping up. Parent should get that in check before it gets out of hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As PP above says, it depends on what your MIL is like otherwise. Mine would talk about everyone behind their backs (kids and adults alike) and then make all these over-the-top declarations, which always come off as fake to me.

So what. That doesn't matter to children. Stop dragging adult baggage into relationships with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all the PPs defending MIL. The declarations of love are fine, but the second she asked the DD to reciprocate, she crossed a line. What if the answer had been "No, I don't think about you every day, Grandma?" Would the DD have felt comfortable saying that, or guilty? I think OP handled the situation correctly and is right to be concerned. No one should act needy towards a child.

Oh, please. Let it go.
Concerned? Really?
She crossed no “line.” It was a conversation between DD and MIL.
Seven-year-olds are quite honest in their responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all the PPs defending MIL. The declarations of love are fine, but the second she asked the DD to reciprocate, she crossed a line. What if the answer had been "No, I don't think about you every day, Grandma?" Would the DD have felt comfortable saying that, or guilty? I think OP handled the situation correctly and is right to be concerned. No one should act needy towards a child.

Oh, please. Let it go.
Concerned? Really?
She crossed no “line.” It was a conversation between DD and MIL.
Seven-year-olds are quite honest in their responses.

09:45 here again. I HAD a grandmother like this. She lived halfway across the country and I hardly ever saw her. Whenever she would visit, she would want to snuggle us and say stuff like that and have us say it back, but to us, she was essentially a stranger. I didn't want her to cuddle me and I certainly didn't think about her daily, but that didn't mean I didn't love her. Still, she made us feel so guilty if we didn't reciprocate her once a year lovefest. It was all about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all the PPs defending MIL. The declarations of love are fine, but the second she asked the DD to reciprocate, she crossed a line. What if the answer had been "No, I don't think about you every day, Grandma?" Would the DD have felt comfortable saying that, or guilty? I think OP handled the situation correctly and is right to be concerned. No one should act needy towards a child.

Oh, please. Let it go.
Concerned? Really?
She crossed no “line.” It was a conversation between DD and MIL.
Seven-year-olds are quite honest in their responses.

09:45 here again. I HAD a grandmother like this. She lived halfway across the country and I hardly ever saw her. Whenever she would visit, she would want to snuggle us and say stuff like that and have us say it back, but to us, she was essentially a stranger. I didn't want her to cuddle me and I certainly didn't think about her daily, but that didn't mean I didn't love her. Still, she made us feel so guilty if we didn't reciprocate her once a year lovefest. It was all about her.

Seems as if someone is projecting their insecurities and relationships onto someone that you know little about.

[Anonymous]

I think that kind of praise Every day would be too much, but if she lives out of town it's Ok.

Your kid sounds really sweet.