Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

It’s not an either-or (a cultural exchange or a nanny); it’s not between socialism and American Dream (as a certain Senator from Georgia with lots of other people’s hair on her head would have you believe), but this is clearly not a place to litigate it. One conclusion I’m drawing is that there are not enough people who will meet the bar voluntarily and we have to legislate. As it happens, I have the means aplenty to do so. Without the “they get $200 but should get $50 and they love it”, the OP and the script, and “it’s nannies who hate them” crowd, this would never have risen to the top of the heap, but thanks to you exploitative host parents, now it has and here we are — it will be a mission for many of us to enact the pending legislation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m not very concerned given that Boies Schiller didn’t include families, only agencies, in their suit, because you could never get a certified class that included families as defendants.

Did you read the earlier example of AP Paola from the same source, Shortchanged?

With the help of an anti-trafficking advocate, Paola pursued – and ultimately settled – a civil lawsuit against the host family for the approximately $12,000 the family owed her in unpaid back wages under the Fair Labor Standards Act.

That's a single case. You won't get a class action suit against the families. It won't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A
Republicans are against the program (see current Trump ban) because they hate immigrants and dont want immigrants taking jobs from "Americans." They also dont give a flip if women are forced out of the workforce, as they'd prefer all American women to be in the home full time caring for children.

Not true. I'm an independent voter but know Republicans who volunteer at immigrant agencies, advocate for LatinX rights, and want equal rights for women. Please do not polarize people by sweeping generalizations. I'm shocked that some people whom I expected to be progressive appear to be willing to exploit vulnerable populations. A minimum wage is little enough to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those questioning paying more than $200 per week to their APs: ($5 more than the minimum!), read this from another many forum on this board:
Anonymous wrote:
Hi! I am accepting a position and curious about how much I should ask for my healthcare stipend. I will be working for one family. I’m used to working for 2 and they usually split the costs.

Hourly rate: $29/hour
Overtime rate: $43.50/hour
Weekly compensation for 50 hours: $1595.00/week pre-tax

What do other families usually pay? My health insurance is usually around $350ish per month. I suppose I could ask them to just pay the entire amount.

Ask for the entire amount. That's what they're used to getting.

You missed the (many) replies that told the OP that she should have asked for this to be included in the contract, before accepting the job. Also, this is talking about a nanny, with many years of experience, not a gap year student with questionable experience with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop filling in the conversation for her. Make her do the heavy lifting:

“You shared that you would like more money. Say more about that. Exactly how much? We’re already exceeding the guidelines of the agency. What’s your reasoning for more?”

Make her do the work of answering.

You can respond with something like “I’m really struggling with this request since I’m not seeing the bare minimum. You rarely play with the kids. There’s no effort to clean up or help out with things like laundry. I’d be happy to revisit this conversation in a month.”

OP, you can stop reading! This poster nailed it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have her doing DL? I bet you do plus all her other duties. I also bet you also have her work 50 hoursor more hours a week.

She asked for money because you are taking advantage big her. She should call her agency and report you

OP stated that the AP works 35 hours per week, 8.30-3.30 m-f. Oh, and her 3yo is on a device all day, because the AP doesn't interact with the child, the basic premise of the job...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also this makes the person saying their au pair costs them
$30k per year insane. Unless they’re handing out gold bars.

This is only because you don't understand the program and ignore posts by anyone who tries to explain how it works. As I've said previously, posting nonsense prolifically (and then prolifically patting yourself on the back for your nonsense) doesn't make you correct.

Why don’t you explain it? If you’d like to advance an argument, provide some facts instead of repeating yourself and lashing out at other women. Not a good look. Also, maybe explain to the federal judge and a couple senators who reviewed the situation and came to the same conclusions about corrupting of the program.

Live-in nanny here. Maybe you’ll listen to me, since you are ignoring the HP.

$10400 (roughly, rounded to $200 weekly): directly to the AP; $10179 if paying exactly the stipend
$6000-11000: agency fees
$1000: education credits, $500 per semester
$2400-7200: $200-600 food per month for the extra person (BPs are notorious for eating triple what HP expect), but the amount “deducted” is much less
$60-600: $5-50 increase in electricity per month, depending on what the AP does
$60-600: $5-50 increase in water per month, depending on how much water AP uses and what your rate is
$240-$1000 phone for a year
Car insurance rate increase can be several hundred to more than a thousand
Increased gas for the car
Increased maintenance on the car
Extra flight, food, and tickets for vacation
Extra tickets, food and other costs associated with including AP in dinner out, movie night, apple picking, etc.

Most families hit $24000 without trying. Many families go over $30k. I don’t want to count the number of families who switch from nanny to AP thinking they’ll save, then they find they don’t. OTOH, families who get tired of rematching don’t quibble about a nanny’s rate.

None of that is relevant as they decided that they were willing to pay. They don't have to offer a car and insurance but most do to drive the kids around. Same with cell phone. And, you take the AP on vacation for your child care needs, not a vacation for them. I don't think its unreasonable to ask for more with multiple kids for 45 hours a week. They aren't even paying minimum wage. AP is living in their home for their needs.

Many families invite au pairs on vacation because they’re a member of the family, not for them to work on vacation. When we do it, it’s max one night of babysitting. And we’ve also had au pairs bring a friend so she can have a proper trip for herself and make better use of the room we are paying for.

Not all families invite au pairs on vacation but for me it always seemed a little cruel.

They are not family, they are your employee.

They’re an exchange student who babysits. I was an exchange student and I treat my au pairs the way I was treated as one. Including vacation invites.

No, they aren't exchange students. They aren't going to school full time and helping out with babysitting. They are working up to 45 hours a week taking care of your kids. That is an employee masked under a cultural exchange.

Maybe that’s how you use the program. It’s not how I do. And actually I have had au pairs go to school full time.

I wouldn't use the program. There is no way an AuPair can go to school full-time and do 30-40 hours with school work and other stuff. Do you pay for the full time school? What do you consider school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks au pairs want to be treated more like nannies needs to meet more au pairs.

I’m sure none would object to no scope creep in terms of duties, fewer hours or higher pay, and protection from families who take advantage of the program. As always, if market is warped, legislation needs to step in — even at MA rates, 45 hrs/wk of au pair is half of a live in nanny (or should be) so I don’t buy that the program would stop. I think it would draw better families, more willing to buy into the spirit of cultural exchange. Just because things are the way they are doesn’t mean they are right; look at the food bank queues, maternity or sick leave policy in our country for proof. I don’t think the federal judge, 200+ state senators, domestic workers union or Kamala are off their rockers in thinking the change is needed.

If you raise the rates and require breaks (meaning that only wfh parents or parents who can afford two caregivers can have an AP), the program is defunct as a cultural exchange. APs aren't nannies, and they aren't held to the same standards. They don't want to be treated like employees either.

Oh no! Plenty of us host families waiting for you bad apple hosts to kick out of the program. Cannot wait. You are awful! Raising rates ensures fairness and that families are in ur for the cultural exchange and not cheap labor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also this makes the person saying their au pair costs them
$30k per year insane. Unless they’re handing out gold bars.

This is only because you don't understand the program and ignore posts by anyone who tries to explain how it works. As I've said previously, posting nonsense prolifically (and then prolifically patting yourself on the back for your nonsense) doesn't make you correct.

Why don’t you explain it? If you’d like to advance an argument, provide some facts instead of repeating yourself and lashing out at other women. Not a good look. Also, maybe explain to the federal judge and a couple senators who reviewed the situation and came to the same conclusions about corrupting of the program.

Live-in nanny here. Maybe you’ll listen to me, since you are ignoring the HP.

$10400 (roughly, rounded to $200 weekly): directly to the AP; $10179 if paying exactly the stipend
$6000-11000: agency fees
$1000: education credits, $500 per semester
$2400-7200: $200-600 food per month for the extra person (BPs are notorious for eating triple what HP expect), but the amount “deducted” is much less
$60-600: $5-50 increase in electricity per month, depending on what the AP does
$60-600: $5-50 increase in water per month, depending on how much water AP uses and what your rate is
$240-$1000 phone for a year
Car insurance rate increase can be several hundred to more than a thousand
Increased gas for the car
Increased maintenance on the car
Extra flight, food, and tickets for vacation
Extra tickets, food and other costs associated with including AP in dinner out, movie night, apple picking, etc.

Most families hit $24000 without trying. Many families go over $30k. I don’t want to count the number of families who switch from nanny to AP thinking they’ll save, then they find they don’t. OTOH, families who get tired of rematching don’t quibble about a nanny’s rate.

None of that is relevant as they decided that they were willing to pay. They don't have to offer a car and insurance but most do to drive the kids around. Same with cell phone. And, you take the AP on vacation for your child care needs, not a vacation for them. I don't think its unreasonable to ask for more with multiple kids for 45 hours a week. They aren't even paying minimum wage. AP is living in their home for their needs.

Many families invite au pairs on vacation because they’re a member of the family, not for them to work on vacation. When we do it, it’s max one night of babysitting. And we’ve also had au pairs bring a friend so she can have a proper trip for herself and make better use of the room we are paying for.

Not all families invite au pairs on vacation but for me it always seemed a little cruel.

They are not family, they are your employee.

They’re an exchange student who babysits. I was an exchange student and I treat my au pairs the way I was treated as one. Including vacation invites.

No, they aren't exchange students. They aren't going to school full time and helping out with babysitting. They are working up to 45 hours a week taking care of your kids. That is an employee masked under a cultural exchange.

Maybe that’s how you use the program. It’s not how I do. And actually I have had au pairs go to school full time.

I wouldn't use the program. There is no way an AuPair can go to school full-time and do 30-40 hours with school work and other stuff. Do you pay for the full time school? What do you consider school?

Many families only use 1-2 hours per day. It's absurdly hard to find someone to fill so few hours, but it's easy to find an AP, because it's easy to have a social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop filling in the conversation for her. Make her do the heavy lifting:

“You shared that you would like more money. Say more about that. Exactly how much? We’re already exceeding the guidelines of the agency. What’s your reasoning for more?”

Make her do the work of answering.

You can respond with something like “I’m really struggling with this request since I’m not seeing the bare minimum. You rarely play with the kids. There’s no effort to clean up or help out with things like laundry. I’d be happy to revisit this conversation in a month.”

OP, you can stop reading! This poster nailed it!

Sure did. It’s called intimidation. I hope it lands them both in jail. I’d be happy to take the au pair’s case. This is truly disdainful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also this makes the person saying their au pair costs them
$30k per year insane. Unless they’re handing out gold bars.

This is only because you don't understand the program and ignore posts by anyone who tries to explain how it works. As I've said previously, posting nonsense prolifically (and then prolifically patting yourself on the back for your nonsense) doesn't make you correct.

Why don’t you explain it? If you’d like to advance an argument, provide some facts instead of repeating yourself and lashing out at other women. Not a good look. Also, maybe explain to the federal judge and a couple senators who reviewed the situation and came to the same conclusions about corrupting of the program.

Live-in nanny here. Maybe you’ll listen to me, since you are ignoring the HP.

$10400 (roughly, rounded to $200 weekly): directly to the AP; $10179 if paying exactly the stipend
$6000-11000: agency fees
$1000: education credits, $500 per semester
$2400-7200: $200-600 food per month for the extra person (BPs are notorious for eating triple what HP expect), but the amount “deducted” is much less
$60-600: $5-50 increase in electricity per month, depending on what the AP does
$60-600: $5-50 increase in water per month, depending on how much water AP uses and what your rate is
$240-$1000 phone for a year
Car insurance rate increase can be several hundred to more than a thousand
Increased gas for the car
Increased maintenance on the car
Extra flight, food, and tickets for vacation
Extra tickets, food and other costs associated with including AP in dinner out, movie night, apple picking, etc.

Most families hit $24000 without trying. Many families go over $30k. I don’t want to count the number of families who switch from nanny to AP thinking they’ll save, then they find they don’t. OTOH, families who get tired of rematching don’t quibble about a nanny’s rate.

None of that is relevant as they decided that they were willing to pay. They don't have to offer a car and insurance but most do to drive the kids around. Same with cell phone. And, you take the AP on vacation for your child care needs, not a vacation for them. I don't think its unreasonable to ask for more with multiple kids for 45 hours a week. They aren't even paying minimum wage. AP is living in their home for their needs.

Many families invite au pairs on vacation because they’re a member of the family, not for them to work on vacation. When we do it, it’s max one night of babysitting. And we’ve also had au pairs bring a friend so she can have a proper trip for herself and make better use of the room we are paying for.

Not all families invite au pairs on vacation but for me it always seemed a little cruel.

They are not family, they are your employee.

They’re an exchange student who babysits. I was an exchange student and I treat my au pairs the way I was treated as one. Including vacation invites.

No, they aren't exchange students. They aren't going to school full time and helping out with babysitting. They are working up to 45 hours a week taking care of your kids. That is an employee masked under a cultural exchange.

Maybe that’s how you use the program. It’s not how I do. And actually I have had au pairs go to school full time.

I wouldn't use the program. There is no way an AuPair can go to school full-time and do 30-40 hours with school work and other stuff. Do you pay for the full time school? What do you consider school?

Many families only use 1-2 hours per day. It's absurdly hard to find someone to fill so few hours, but it's easy to find an AP, because it's easy to have a social life.

Such absolute rubbish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks au pairs want to be treated more like nannies needs to meet more au pairs.

I’m sure none would object to no scope creep in terms of duties, fewer hours or higher pay, and protection from families who take advantage of the program. As always, if market is warped, legislation needs to step in — even at MA rates, 45 hrs/wk of au pair is half of a live in nanny (or should be) so I don’t buy that the program would stop. I think it would draw better families, more willing to buy into the spirit of cultural exchange. Just because things are the way they are doesn’t mean they are right; look at the food bank queues, maternity or sick leave policy in our country for proof. I don’t think the federal judge, 200+ state senators, domestic workers union or Kamala are off their rockers in thinking the change is needed.

If you raise the rates and require breaks (meaning that only wfh parents or parents who can afford two caregivers can have an AP), the program is defunct as a cultural exchange. APs aren't nannies, and they aren't held to the same standards. They don't want to be treated like employees either.

Oh no! Plenty of us host families waiting for you bad apple hosts to kick out of the program. Cannot wait. You are awful! Raising rates ensures fairness and that families are in ur for the cultural exchange and not cheap labor

I'm a nanny, PP. I've seen the families leaving the program, because they might as well hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks au pairs want to be treated more like nannies needs to meet more au pairs.

I’m sure none would object to no scope creep in terms of duties, fewer hours or higher pay, and protection from families who take advantage of the program. As always, if market is warped, legislation needs to step in — even at MA rates, 45 hrs/wk of au pair is half of a live in nanny (or should be) so I don’t buy that the program would stop. I think it would draw better families, more willing to buy into the spirit of cultural exchange. Just because things are the way they are doesn’t mean they are right; look at the food bank queues, maternity or sick leave policy in our country for proof. I don’t think the federal judge, 200+ state senators, domestic workers union or Kamala are off their rockers in thinking the change is needed.

This. Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks au pairs want to be treated more like nannies needs to meet more au pairs.

I’m sure none would object to no scope creep in terms of duties, fewer hours or higher pay, and protection from families who take advantage of the program. As always, if market is warped, legislation needs to step in — even at MA rates, 45 hrs/wk of au pair is half of a live in nanny (or should be) so I don’t buy that the program would stop. I think it would draw better families, more willing to buy into the spirit of cultural exchange. Just because things are the way they are doesn’t mean they are right; look at the food bank queues, maternity or sick leave policy in our country for proof. I don’t think the federal judge, 200+ state senators, domestic workers union or Kamala are off their rockers in thinking the change is needed.

If you raise the rates and require breaks (meaning that only wfh parents or parents who can afford two caregivers can have an AP), the program is defunct as a cultural exchange. APs aren't nannies, and they aren't held to the same standards. They don't want to be treated like employees either.

Oh no! Plenty of us host families waiting for you bad apple hosts to kick out of the program. Cannot wait. You are awful! Raising rates ensures fairness and that families are in ur for the cultural exchange and not cheap labor

All of those families should leave. Only the families that are willing to compensate and host a cultural exchange should stay. Please leave.

I'm a nanny, PP. I've seen the families leaving the program, because they might as well hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks au pairs want to be treated more like nannies needs to meet more au pairs.

I’m sure none would object to no scope creep in terms of duties, fewer hours or higher pay, and protection from families who take advantage of the program. As always, if market is warped, legislation needs to step in — even at MA rates, 45 hrs/wk of au pair is half of a live in nanny (or should be) so I don’t buy that the program would stop. I think it would draw better families, more willing to buy into the spirit of cultural exchange. Just because things are the way they are doesn’t mean they are right; look at the food bank queues, maternity or sick leave policy in our country for proof. I don’t think the federal judge, 200+ state senators, domestic workers union or Kamala are off their rockers in thinking the change is needed.

If you raise the rates and require breaks (meaning that only wfh parents or parents who can afford two caregivers can have an AP), the program is defunct as a cultural exchange. APs aren't nannies, and they aren't held to the same standards. They don't want to be treated like employees either.

Oh no! Plenty of us host families waiting for you bad apple hosts to kick out of the program. Cannot wait. You are awful! Raising rates ensures fairness and that families are in ur for the cultural exchange and not cheap labor

All of those families should leave. Only the families that are willing to compensate and host a cultural exchange should stay. Please leave.

I'm a nanny, PP. I've seen the families leaving the program, because they might as well hire a nanny.

All of those families should leave. Only the families that are willing to compensate and host a cultural exchange should stay. Please leave.