Woman of color who prefers white men

[Anonymous]

By of color, I mean non-white women. How did your preference come about?

My preference actually came about accidentally. Growing up in schools that were split between black and white, I quickly came to notice that the white guys treated me better and actually wanted to *date* as opposed to only have sex with as many girls as possible. This trend continued in college, where my first love was white and the men who approached me in respectful ways before and after him were white. I was also a science major living in a dorm for students on a merit scholarship. Very quickly, most of my friends were white and Asian. The few black people in my circle were women. Black men only entered my life as athletes I tutored or, more often, jealous hecklers who called out rude, racist things to my white boyfriends and I. Nothing changed after I went to grad school and got a good job. When encountering professional black men, I discovered they were very pompous and impressed with themselves due to what they described as "the black man shortage." Other black women were jumping through hoops to date black men who were not attractive or all that smart, and many of these men were rude, unfaithful, and misogynistic. Somewhere along the way, what started as dating those who dated me quickly hardened into a preference and I found myself not remotely interested in black men. Now, at age 28, I am happily engaged to a great guy who happens to be white and I have only one black male acquaintance. I have no regrets and am actually glad I didn't get stuck competing for a piece of a lesser black man the way a lot of the smart, beautiful black women I know have.

[Anonymous]

I am Indian and have only ever dated white men and am married to one. I lived in India until I came to the US for college. I am attracted to Indian men as well but it just somehow never happened...

[Anonymous]

I'm East Asian, in my late 40's, married to white DH. When I was growing up, most Asian men I knew were mama's boys and/or mysogynistic. My dad was like this, too. That explains it all. I'm told the younger generation are less so, but I don't know. I don't know that many much younger Asian men. The ones I do know are recent immigrants, and they tend to be mysogynists.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how white women feel about white men going for nonwhite women. I have definitely been hurt by losing a few white female friends who just couldn't believe that white men they found attractive wanted and preferred dark "exotic" me. No one told them that Disney movies aren't real, lol.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're a piece of work. While I am glad you've found your Prince Charming, your prejudice against black men is truly disgusting. I hope you seek therapy if you decide to have children, as any sons of yours will someday be black men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a piece of work. While I am glad you've found your Prince Charming, your prejudice against black men is truly disgusting. I hope you seek therapy if you decide to have children, as any sons of yours will someday be black men.

Let's talk. I am quit sure that my post makes clear that I dislike the personalities and values of many of the black men I have encountered. These are cultural, not genetic, traits and I have the choice to raise any son I have differently. Do you disagree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a piece of work. While I am glad you've found your Prince Charming, your prejudice against black men is truly disgusting. I hope you seek therapy if you decide to have children, as any sons of yours will someday be black men.

Let's talk. I am quit sure that my post makes clear that I dislike the personalities and values of many of the black men I have encountered. These are cultural, not genetic, traits and I have the choice to raise any son I have differently. Do you disagree?

NP: Because you write as if ALL black men are like those you encountered when you have to know that is not the case. There are as many good brothers out here as they are assholes. And white men can be assholes, too. So can Chinese men. And Filipino men. And Latino men. And so on.

But, hey, do you.

[Anonymous]

I don't prefer white men or any RACE of men for that matter, I just prefer men. Because they are people not colors (though I can and DO see colors).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a piece of work. While I am glad you've found your Prince Charming, your prejudice against black men is truly disgusting. I hope you seek therapy if you decide to have children, as any sons of yours will someday be black men.

Let's talk. I am quit sure that my post makes clear that I dislike the personalities and values of many of the black men I have encountered. These are cultural, not genetic, traits and I have the choice to raise any son I have differently. Do you disagree?

NP: Because you write as if ALL black men are like those you encountered when you have to know that is not the case. There are as many good brothers out here as they are assholes. And white men can be assholes, too. So can Chinese men. And Filipino men. And Latino men. And so on.

But, hey, do you.

I am glad this has been your experience, but it has definitely not been mine. Both stats and my real life experiences and the experiences of my friends who have dated black men confirm that there is a real crisis of misogyny, promiscuity and all around classless behavior among black men. I am not going to disregard my real life experience in order to please you. As I said before, the behaviors of black men that I describe are cultural and I can decide not to raise my son to behave in such ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't prefer white men or any RACE of men for that matter, I just prefer men. Because they are people not colors (though I can and DO see colors).

It should be clear from the OP that this is not the thread for you then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how white women feel about white men going for nonwhite women. I have definitely been hurt by losing a few white female friends who just couldn't believe that white men they found attractive wanted and preferred dark "exotic" me. No one told them that Disney movies aren't real, lol.

It sounds like you want to believe white women are upset about this. We aren't. Go for it! I'm not seething about what race a white man dates. If he's not dating me, I don't care and hope everybody's happy.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, white people are much more laid-back about interracial dating than other races.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound hurt and like you have unresolved issues with Black men. If you're happily engaged, enjoy it. Why are you focused on what's lacking in men other than your future husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're a piece of work. While I am glad you've found your Prince Charming, your prejudice against black men is truly disgusting. I hope you seek therapy if you decide to have children, as any sons of yours will someday be black men.

x2. White guy here, glad you found a person (a person, not a representative of a color) that you like but please leave us out of your pathologizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how white women feel about white men going for nonwhite women. I have definitely been hurt by losing a few white female friends who just couldn't believe that white men they found attractive wanted and preferred dark "exotic" me. No one told them that Disney movies aren't real, lol.

It sounds like you want to believe white women are upset about this. We aren't. Go for it! I'm not seething about what race a white man dates. If he's not dating me, I don't care and hope everybody's happy.

I'm glad that's your experience, but for a lot of white women this is actually a thing. It's not good and definitely not universal, but it happens, so the PP's experience is totally believable. I've encountered it from white female friends who thought I would be their sympathetic ear about asian-american women taking "our" men.