Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen has done more over the past five years to undermine and corrupt healthy woman’s relationships with their spouses, their children, their pocketbooks, their faiths, and their expectations than arguably anyone else. She’s a toxic monster and needs to be called out. Thank God this thread exists as she has safe safe spaced her social media presence to oblivion where no push back or criticism is allowed.

Jen likes to use the fruit of the vine as a good indicator if something is good, true, or beautiful. So let’s look at her fruit. A shattered marriage, a weird new and sudden romance that no one is buying with a clearly disinterested passive-aggressive social climber type in it for the clicks, red stripper pumps and bleach blond highlights and a blotchy red face from day drinking, and a constant and desperate effort at selling her “tribe” all sorts of shit no one needs.

If this is a healthy woman’s life than I want the clear opposite for both myself and for those I love. It sounds like darkness and hopelessness and no real freedom.

And TBH, she was already going in this direction for at least a few years before the divorce. She suddenly affirmed gayness, which good. But she was utterly amazed for the pushback she got. Most normal people would haves known that could be a potential storm among her fundamentalist Christian follower base. All of a sudden, and probably for the first time in her life, she wasn’t the cute, sassy girl, wife, mother that she hand been all of her life with adoring fan girls. I think it was a real identity crisis for her.

She was the poor me victim for a while, but that dried up after a few years and wasn’t getting her much attention. Or appearances and books. She turned social warrior, began to get some validation, and consciously or unconsciously, began to conform to whatever it took to get be the sassy adorable person she’d always been in her mind, just with a different message. And now it’s a constant what can I do now to keep it going?

Not excusing Brandon at all. Absolutely no justification for cheating. But I think Jen had already abandoned the marriage emotionally, spiritually and physically for several years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen has done more over the past five years to undermine and corrupt healthy woman’s relationships with their spouses, their children, their pocketbooks, their faiths, and their expectations than arguably anyone else. She’s a toxic monster and needs to be called out. Thank God this thread exists as she has safe safe spaced her social media presence to oblivion where no push back or criticism is allowed.

Jen likes to use the fruit of the vine as a good indicator if something is good, true, or beautiful. So let’s look at her fruit. A shattered marriage, a weird new and sudden romance that no one is buying with a clearly disinterested passive-aggressive social climber type in it for the clicks, red stripper pumps and bleach blond highlights and a blotchy red face from day drinking, and a constant and desperate effort at selling her “tribe” all sorts of shit no one needs.

If this is a healthy woman’s life then I want the clear opposite for both myself and for those I love. It sounds like darkness and hopelessness and no real freedom.

This 👆 and adding enough clutter-junk that sets filling a dumpster with it

[Anonymous]

My only question is can Big Sis keep up the whole Tyler Charade on life support long enough so she can complete her super cringey For The Love of Sex podcast series?

Can you imagine how embarrassed her kids are about this? Or her parents? Hell, he ex? Mrs. Merritt??

[Anonymous]

I remember years ago when I was enamored with her, Brandon built the pool out back. I can’t remember specifics absolutely how the video she posted, but I DO remember it making me feel icky about her for the first time. Like something wasn’t right. He had done all this work himself, on a project he thought would make her happy, and she was on the video snarking and complaining. With him standing there looking defeated. She played it off as being funny and cute, of course, but I really felt for him. And just like that, the stars for her left my eyes.

[Anonymous]

There's an interesting part of Jen's recent podcast when she briefly alludes to some of the hard conversations she'd had with Tyler. In the context of speaking about how different they are (long marriage vs never married, 5 kids vs none, etc etc), she speaks to the "growth" she's had opening up to a new perspective, a by-product of conversations they've had that "rubbed up to the differences in us."

Jen shares that when she bristles or is bothered by something he says or does, she often learns from his response (corrections) that her reaction is not appropriate. She explains that her responses are indicators of her trauma from a previous bad relationship. It's presented as this big eye-opening thing for her to see life from his perspective and that any negative reaction to something he does/says is just "trauma" from her broken marriage.

But what she fails to see is that maybe her reactions to things he says, does or doesn't do as a boyfriend might actually be red flags that they are not well suited as partners.

For example, she says Tyler has taught her that some people choose to be single for life. She notes that she is wired to crave connection and the commitment of marriage, even briefly acknowledging that she misses having someone around at night after dinner to talk about their days, snuggle, and hang out. But then quickly adds, 'having said that, I'm not sure that I'll ever get married again. I'm not sure I want to." It was unconvincing. She cites statistics about how there's more single people in the US than ever before, it's the trend! Sounds like she's trying to convince herself to adopt Tyler's ways rather than acknowledge that perhaps they are very different people who want different things from their relationships.

She seems desperate to gain his approval and that any concerns she brings up are dismissed as her trauma vs something to pay attention to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's an interesting part of Jen's recent podcast when she briefly alludes to some of the hard conversations she'd had with Tyler. In the context of speaking about how different they are (long marriage vs never married, 5 kids vs none, etc etc), she speaks to the "growth" she's had opening up to a new perspective, a by-product of conversations they've had that "rubbed up to the differences in us."

Jen shares that when she bristles or is bothered by something he says or does, she often learns from his response (corrections) that her reaction is not appropriate. She explains that her responses are indicators of her trauma from a previous bad relationship. It's presented as this big eye-opening thing for her to see life from his perspective and that any negative reaction to something he does/says is just "trauma" from her broken marriage.

But what she fails to see is that maybe her reactions to things he says, does or doesn't do as a boyfriend might actually be red flags that they are not well suited as partners.

For example, she says Tyler has taught her that some people choose to be single for life. She notes that she is wired to crave connection and the commitment of marriage, even briefly acknowledging that she misses having someone around at night after dinner to talk about their days, snuggle, and hang out. But then quickly adds, 'having said that, I'm not sure that I'll ever get married again. I'm not sure I want to." It was unconvincing. She cites statistics about how there's more single people in the US than ever before, it's the trend! Sounds like she's trying to convince herself to adopt Tyler's ways rather than acknowledge that perhaps they are very different people who want different things from their relationships.

She seems desperate to gain his approval and that any concerns she brings up are dismissed as her trauma vs something to pay attention to.

Agree. I am one of those intentionally, happily single folks, which is why I don't date. Jen clearly wants a long-term relationship, and I think Tyler is totally happy to coast along in a relationship where he has to make minimal accommodations for her (because they don't live in the same city so his day-to-day life is fundamentally the same) and still gets to hang with his single crew and live his regular life, just with occasional booty calls (I know that's assuming he's straight which...the jury is still very out on that, but for our purposes let's take him at his word). That doesn't seem like a recipe for long-term compatibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone in her circle should have helped her tap the breaks on the book dedication. Even if this is the realest real most authentic relationship ever, she deserved to give herself one accomplishment not dedicated to a man. She went from sharing accomplishments with Brandon to sharing with Tyler.

Yes!! Exactly!! All while spouting off about being a whole/complete woman in charge of her own life and business, and maybe never even wants to marry again. 🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

I was away from this board for maybe 48 hours and came back to 5+ pages to catch up on. 😆

[Anonymous]

Big Sass couldn’t be bothered to make a quick trip to Texas for NYE with his “girlfriend”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In watching her story play out, I am inspired to choose healing together if ever faced with that pain. Her post-divorce desperate mess and Brandon’s post-divorce new family is not a win over what could have been choosing forgiveness and loving each other through it. They didn’t even try, by her own admission. Divorce was it. They’re a cautionary tale.

I hope that you never experience it. It’s the worst of pains, such betrayal. My husband cheated on me while I was balancing work and motherhood of small boys, and I never withheld affection. Hardest gut kick of my life. His was a coworker and she was kind of the aggressive type and single. He spent more time with her than me by nature of how work and home hours often are. It still makes me sick to think about. This is largely why I have watched Jen’s story with great interest. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I did the wrong thing fighting for my marriage. I still have terribly hard and insecure moments at times, but less and less often as years pass. In frustrated moments, I will wonder if my husband “got away with it” or if I could have had a happier fresh start with someone new or even by myself. Maybe that’s the outcome for some people. But the truth of my story is: years later I’m really glad we did it this way. My husband did the work in caring for me in my emotions and still does. He completely shut off the old situation. No contact immediately and a new job. Our kids were too young to notice, so they never knew. Now that they are growing into school ages, and if we had split, we would be shuffling them back and forth. Our money would be tighter. Parenting “off days” or holidays would be lonelier. I looked at Brandon’s wedding pictures and wondered how I would feel if it were my husband proudly standing beside a gorgeous new bride with our kids all standing around them, and the thought of it made me teary. Would my sons think of her as another mom? I can’t imagine. Life sucks sometimes. None of it’s easy. But we have far more good days than not. We are deeply in love. Our sex life was restored with patience and practice and eventually enthusiasm. Our kids are happy and secure. And we held each other through the whole mess. If any of Jen’s followers ever find themselves in the same boat, I hope they’ll consider fighting for the people they love. It is worth it but not for the faint of heart. I’m afraid even if Jen had tried, her personality would have constantly shamed Brandon and held it endlessly over his head. That isn’t healthy for anyone. Every situation is so different. There is no one cookie cutter solution. But if there were, it’s definitely not whatever Jen did to end up in her current state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big Sass couldn’t be bothered to make a quick trip to Texas for NYE with his “girlfriend”.

Have either of them shared how they celebrated NYE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In watching her story play out, I am inspired to choose healing together if ever faced with that pain. Her post-divorce desperate mess and Brandon’s post-divorce new family is not a win over what could have been choosing forgiveness and loving each other through it. They didn’t even try, by her own admission. Divorce was it. They’re a cautionary tale.

I hope that you never experience it. It’s the worst of pains, such betrayal. My husband cheated on me while I was balancing work and motherhood of small boys, and I never withheld affection. Hardest gut kick of my life. His was a coworker and she was kind of the aggressive type and single. He spent more time with her than me by nature of how work and home hours often are. It still makes me sick to think about. This is largely why I have watched Jen’s story with great interest. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I did the wrong thing fighting for my marriage. I still have terribly hard and insecure moments at times, but less and less often as years pass. In frustrated moments, I will wonder if my husband “got away with it” or if I could have had a happier fresh start with someone new or even by myself. Maybe that’s the outcome for some people. But the truth of my story is: years later I’m really glad we did it this way. My husband did the work in caring for me in my emotions and still does. He completely shut off the old situation. No contact immediately and a new job. Our kids were too young to notice, so they never knew. Now that they are growing into school ages, and if we had split, we would be shuffling them back and forth. Our money would be tighter. Parenting “off days” or holidays would be lonelier. I looked at Brandon’s wedding pictures and wondered how I would feel if it were my husband proudly standing beside a gorgeous new bride with our kids all standing around them, and the thought of it made me teary. Would my sons think of her as another mom? I can’t imagine. Life sucks sometimes. None of it’s easy. But we have far more good days than not. We are deeply in love. Our sex life was restored with patience and practice and eventually enthusiasm. Our kids are happy and secure. And we held each other through the whole mess. If any of Jen’s followers ever find themselves in the same boat, I hope they’ll consider fighting for the people they love. It is worth it but not for the faint of heart. I’m afraid even if Jen had tried, her personality would have constantly shamed Brandon and held it endlessly over his head. That isn’t healthy for anyone. Every situation is so different. There is no one cookie cutter solution. But if there were, it’s definitely not whatever Jen did to end up in her current state.

I want to tread carefully and respectfully because you’ve shared something personal and tender. I also want to acknowledge that you chose your hard and so did Jen. There’s not a right or wrong way to navigate betrayal. Leaving is an acceptable option, devoid of shame. Biblical, even.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was established that Brandon left Jen, not the other way around? I thought he said so in his podcast.

[Anonymous]

Jen just posted that she spent NYE and New Years Day with her sisters and her words conveyed she’s not feeling chipper. She and Tyler are likely done. What new, in love couple doesn’t spend their first Christmas or New Years together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to tread carefully and respectfully because you’ve shared something personal and tender. I also want to acknowledge that you chose your hard and so did Jen. There’s not a right or wrong way to navigate betrayal. Leaving is an acceptable option, devoid of shame. Biblical, even.

Agreed. It was going to be hard either way, just different hard. A pp said that same thing also sometime recently (about Jen, and how she chose her hard so fast without even trying couples counseling first) and it was a good reminder to me for the occasional days when it feels like “what if I had done it differently - would I feel fabulous and flirty right now instead of however I do?” But no, I see it clearly in moments like Brandon’s wedding photos and that impact those images had on my heart. I made the right decision for me and mine without question. I still feel flirty and fabulous with my husband most of the time too. And thank you for your kind response btw.

I was never rooting against Jen, but only curiously watching it play out. I have watched this scenario play out in personal circles a few times unfortunately, some stayed together, some did not. It does feel like society celebrates one choice (Jen’s choice) a lot more over staying. And it also feels like the women who make that choice really sell it hard as awesome. That part makes me sad and wanted to speak up for the alternative. Jen has a lot of followers who have found or will find themselves in this situation. Sometimes her selling people on divorce and single/dating sexiness feels no different than her selling makeup and jewelry.