Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen just posted that she spent NYE and New Years Day with her sisters and her words conveyed she’s not feeling chipper. She and Tyler are likely done. What new, in love couple doesn’t spend their first Christmas or New Years together?

Not much of what they’ve done has made any sense. The upcoming sex podcast might be telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was established that Brandon left Jen, not the other way around? I thought he said so in his podcast.

Interesting! I hadn’t heard this but also hadn’t listened to his podcast. I was under the impression she asked him to leave. Was Tina the woman he cheated with or did she come later? Sorry if that’s been discussed. I’m new here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In watching her story play out, I am inspired to choose healing together if ever faced with that pain. Her post-divorce desperate mess and Brandon’s post-divorce new family is not a win over what could have been choosing forgiveness and loving each other through it. They didn’t even try, by her own admission. Divorce was it. They’re a cautionary tale.

I hope that you never experience it. It’s the worst of pains, such betrayal. My husband cheated on me while I was balancing work and motherhood of small boys, and I never withheld affection. Hardest gut kick of my life. His was a coworker and she was kind of the aggressive type and single. He spent more time with her than me by nature of how work and home hours often are. It still makes me sick to think about. This is largely why I have watched Jen’s story with great interest. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I did the wrong thing fighting for my marriage. I still have terribly hard and insecure moments at times, but less and less often as years pass. In frustrated moments, I will wonder if my husband “got away with it” or if I could have had a happier fresh start with someone new or even by myself. Maybe that’s the outcome for some people. But the truth of my story is: years later I’m really glad we did it this way. My husband did the work in caring for me in my emotions and still does. He completely shut off the old situation. No contact immediately and a new job. Our kids were too young to notice, so they never knew. Now that they are growing into school ages, and if we had split, we would be shuffling them back and forth. Our money would be tighter. Parenting “off days” or holidays would be lonelier. I looked at Brandon’s wedding pictures and wondered how I would feel if it were my husband proudly standing beside a gorgeous new bride with our kids all standing around them, and the thought of it made me teary. Would my sons think of her as another mom? I can’t imagine. Life sucks sometimes. None of it’s easy. But we have far more good days than not. We are deeply in love. Our sex life was restored with patience and practice and eventually enthusiasm. Our kids are happy and secure. And we held each other through the whole mess. If any of Jen’s followers ever find themselves in the same boat, I hope they’ll consider fighting for the people they love. It is worth it but not for the faint of heart. I’m afraid even if Jen had tried, her personality would have constantly shamed Brandon and held it endlessly over his head. That isn’t healthy for anyone. Every situation is so different. There is no one cookie cutter solution. But if there were, it’s definitely not whatever Jen did to end up in her current state.

Same story for me. Our path to forgiveness was different than yours but the same outcome. And I watch Jen with sympathy but also sincere pity. Even now her ego can’t see her contribution in her life situation or how she ended up where she is-with a pretend boyfriend that she thinks will keep her if she is "no work" and "agreeable" because he needs her influence.

Listened to the podcast and agree w previous person. She is justifying his behavior at her expense. And it’s SO immature to try to play the “effortless, independent, I don’t have needs” cool girlfriend card. Having needs doesn’t make you needy or weak. And his not wanting to or inability to provide for those needs doesn’t make him bad either. But real, mature grownups can speak those truths on both sides. And it's entirely possible Tyler is being honest with her: I can't/won't do [insert] and if she’s bending and acquiescing to his boundary, then that’s on her. Reminds me of this therapist who wrote about being the "it's fine" puppet in a relationship.

https://www.instagram.com/p/ClmkvP9PYgS/--- I was a “it’s fine” puppet for a very long time. Being a needless girl turned me into a needless woman which meant that I had zero boundaries, pretended like I was okay with things I wasn’t okay with, and fronted like I was unaffected. I was too afraid to rock the boat. Too afraid to share how I felt in fear that people would leave. Too afraid to be affected.

Maybe someone should tag her in all of these:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQJ-WL-loxj/
And also: https://www.instagram.com/p/CWmKVdblGjL/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen just posted that she spent NYE and New Years Day with her sisters and her words conveyed she’s not feeling chipper. She and Tyler are likely done. What new, in love couple doesn’t spend their first Christmas or New Years together?

No mention of Tyler at all! Well the good news is hopefully she won’t be trying to talk about Jen/Tyler sex life on her podcast now! (Insert cringe face)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen just posted that she spent NYE and New Years Day with her sisters and her words conveyed she’s not feeling chipper. She and Tyler are likely done. What new, in love couple doesn’t spend their first Christmas or New Years together?

She went with him on a spontaneous trip to NYC (wonder if she footed the entire thing because her assistant is who booked it for them). But then they didn't spend Thanksgiving, her ex husband's wedding weekend, christmas or NY together AND her recent podcast is talking about how they have hit the ONE YEAR dating anniversary so it's technically an anniversary that they're also missing.

She's so delusional if she actually believes this is a lasting, healthy relationship where she spends all her social media power giving him praise and he ignores her.

[Anonymous]

Also can grown ups stop using words like

sammies
mashies
lippies

These are still 2 syllable nicknames and you sound absurd at nearly 50 yo talking like a kid or young adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also can grown ups stop using words like

sammies
mashies
lippies

These are still 2 syllable nicknames and you sound absurd at nearly 50 yo talking like a kid or young adult.

Ugh THIS. I dated a South African guy who used "brekkie" for breakfast, "sammie" for sandwich, etc, and I know that's common in SA and Australia but I was like bro, you're a grown ass man and I cannot take you seriously if you can't say the whole word. No one needs an abbreviation for breakfast.

I saw those abbreviations on her newest post and I don't remember seeing it before (but I unfollowed her a long time ago and just check in occasionally) and I was just like is this what we're doing now? This is who we've decided to be in IN OUR FORTIES? No ma'am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was established that Brandon left Jen, not the other way around? I thought he said so in his podcast.

This is correct. He cheated, and spent thousands on gambling, and then went to "rehab" but came out and started drinking again and decided he wasn't really an addict, and then left Jen, not the other way around. She was willing to work it out but he didn't want to have this hanging over his head so he moved on. And I don't really believe that this was all about trauma. He has been an attention-seeking douche for decades. At ANC he was the kind of guy looking over your shoulder to see if there is someone more important he should be talking to and trying to be cool all the time. Always spent more money than he should have on clothes and trucks. He's flashy and he could not handle his wife getting the attention he wanted.

I had to laugh at the person who said he's not cosplaying but in a "real" motorcycle gang. Grown men in any kind of a gang are still cosplaying.

[Anonymous]

I’m still not buying the Tina timeline. I think she was already in the picture when Brandon left Jen. He made lots of Covid healthcare worker posts during lockdown, but no other pandemic related posts. Suddenly he was very aware of and thankful for healthcare workers. Which, to an extent we all were, but it seems like they may have been a little secret nod to Tina.

[Anonymous]

To Jen’s NYE post I would gently reply: Underperform sounds so less-than-expected. Whose expectations is she striving for? I say be real and find joy in the people around you - time with sisters and fabulous food for NYE sounds lovely! Life shouldn’t be a performance! ❤️

Is she complaining that she didn’t get the treatment she wanted on NY day? Maybe I’m misreading it, but she sounds kind of critical of the people who took her in. “Their big fancy neighborhood party”. “What I really wanted was XYZ…”
Ungrateful!

[Anonymous]

I’m sure she would have been the first one out of the gate with a 2022 highlight/recap reel if she had been with an amazing boyfriend who put her first and they traveled and had adventures. So instead she resorts to, “that’s just not who I am..” Um…yeah…okay. That IS exactly who you are! I’m guessing Tyler spent NYE with his “ride or die” bestie 🙄. I do think he’ll try and hang on to Jen bc he’ll need her to shill his next book. Hopefully, she’ll discover there is nothing wrong with seeking out a mature man who lives near her. I’m baffled as to why Tyler is Z-list “famous”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To Jen’s NYE post I would gently reply: Underperform sounds so less-than-expected. Whose expectations is she striving for? I say be real and find joy in the people around you - time with sisters and fabulous food for NYE sounds lovely! Life shouldn’t be a performance! ❤️

Is she complaining that she didn’t get the treatment she wanted on NY day? Maybe I’m misreading it, but she sounds kind of critical of the people who took her in. “Their big fancy neighborhood party”. “What I really wanted was XYZ…”
Ungrateful!

Completely agree with your first paragraph, and it really underscores exactly why I continue to follow this thread. Since her divorce (and likely long before), she views her role as an influencer to teach us all how to live. It feels like she considers herself an authority since she is the best! Has the best friends! Best family! Previously best husband, now best boyfriend!

Except a lot of us followed her back when she was an example of finding the joy in parenting and middle age. I was inspired by her posts about walking humbly and loving mercy. I've always been liberal, so I cheered her support of the LGBTQ community. I don't give a shit about being the most precious little woman in my suburb, I just love listening to other's wisdom on establishing and maintaining meaningful relationships in this fraught world.

That NYE post is an admission to herself about what the rest of us have known for years: she has no interest in deep connections with others, she only wants us to adore her. And that post was her confessing that she fell short of her own expectations and trying to convince herself that it's ok. Except no one is placing these expectations on her but herself. It's painful to watch this act of hers - there is nothing wrong with a simple post saying "enjoyed NYE with my family! Thanks for the great food, BIL!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid even if Jen had tried, her personality would have constantly shamed Brandon and held it endlessly over his head. That isn’t healthy for anyone. Every situation is so different.

Not every situation is as predictable as when dealing with Jen Hatmaker though, and you’re correct here. If Brandon is the one who chose to leave it’s probably because he had had 26 years of personal knowledge of what her version of “forgiveness” looks like and also that his his personal details would become her next “material” as it had often been. Except it would be her best-spun version of it, while he was told to sit down and be quiet since all this was his fault anyway.

When her current financial sources dry up, she’ll tell their whole story for a paycheck, no doubt. There was no reason to use that payday immediately — not while she had book club and the podcast and cookbook and Able/Beauty Counter money. Of those, the podcast and maybe the book club will continue to pay…but eventually, she’ll need a juicy story to sell for a next book advance. It won’t be a Tyler story since there’s nothing there. After her divorce, my friend said, “Her next relationship will either be with a woman or a black man. No chance it will be a white man. Bad for the brand.” Nailed it. Again, predictable.

[Anonymous]

Jen’s so called aspirational lifestyle is increasingly weird and off kilter and desperate and strange. Why apologize for a chill New Years night out?

It’s like she has to be winning in everything but what do you do when you’re winning at nothing?

For me “winning” at NYE is a chill evening with my husband and kids and a movie with no explanations or expectations which is exactly what we did.

Also, no Tyler over the whole holidays? That’s totally normal for a first year romance. Run Jen. Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also can grown ups stop using words like

sammies
mashies
lippies

These are still 2 syllable nicknames and you sound absurd at nearly 50 yo talking like a kid or young adult.

And drinking champs. 🙄