Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

I have an MBA and I dumped the male dominated corporate world in the late 90's after baby #2 and I set up my own consulting business. I had an office in my town, good flexibility, good and bad nannies and a very helpful husband. Within a year I was making a lot more money than in my corporate job and I had a life. I had great clients and I really enjoyed the work and I had great control over my time. We eventually had baby #3 and I continued to consult. But I know that staying in a big corporate job would have put a ton of stress on me and I'm sure I would have excited because my husband was doing very well. Once we became empty nesters I stopped consulting to pursue an art career to do something just for me. So, I needed to work to satisfy my own needs but made changes along the way to meet my family needs and I'm very happy given how it has all turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

okie dokie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I couldn't deal with being SAHM, I would go stir crazy. I enjoy contributing to society and extending my efforts and mental abilities to beyond that of a mother and wife. My DH helps a lot with childcare and home chores. We have cleaning service. When kids were younger, had nannies/babysitters in addition to kids going to daycare/preschool early on.

Sounds like feminism did its damage. I don't understand how so many women believe that being a corporate cog is more meaningful than being a mother.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

Did you miss the cleaning 5 bathrooms every day part? Or perhaps the one about how you're a slob if you don't blow-dry your hair? One could not make this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

Did you miss the cleaning 5 bathrooms every day part? Or perhaps the one about how you're a slob if you don't blow-dry your hair? One could not make this up.

I’m neigher of those two posters. I did say I had 3 kids in 3 different schools. We actually have 8 bathrooms and I don’t clean them. We have cleaners for that. What I did say is that my husband has a very high paying and demanding job. I have 5 hours per day when kids are at school. I don’t work to be there for my children and I have plenty to occupy my 5 childfree hours. I don’t claim to be busy or busier than working moms. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an MBA and I dumped the male dominated corporate world in the late 90's after baby #2 and I set up my own consulting business. I had an office in my town, good flexibility, good and bad nannies and a very helpful husband. Within a year I was making a lot more money than in my corporate job and I had a life. I had great clients and I really enjoyed the work and I had great control over my time. We eventually had baby #3 and I continued to consult. But I know that staying in a big corporate job would have put a ton of stress on me and I'm sure I would have excited because my husband was doing very well. Once we became empty nesters I stopped consulting to pursue an art career to do something just for me. So, I needed to work to satisfy my own needs but made changes along the way to meet my family needs and I'm very happy given how it has all turned out.

You sound like a total bad a$$! It must have been really scary to quit corporate and start your own business after baby #2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

No one is puffing here or saying they are sooo busy. And no one ever says that they are a SAHM because they need to run errands.

Did you miss the cleaning 5 bathrooms every day part? Or perhaps the one about how you're a slob if you don't blow-dry your hair? One could not make this up.

I saw the one about the bathrooms. She has three little kids at home. She isn’t staying at home so that she can clean the bathrooms. She is cleaning the bathrooms because she is staying home with her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

This is a weird DCUM phenomenon. I am a longtime SAHM (with teens now) who subs at the local ES part-time. I know very few remaining SAHMs who have not trickled back to work in some capacity. And none of them claim or pretend to be super busy. Most basically just act semi-retired.

Perhaps it's because so many people on here are educated working women that they feel inferior? Maybe IRL they hang out with people of the same caliber, and don't feel the need to puff up their days. Like, I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't know if you did this, but you implied that you and other educated working moms are of a higher caliber than PP. Was that what you meant to say?

Perhaps "caliber" was the wrong word. I surmised that the SAHMs who puff up their day to sound supes busy raising children and keeping their house are insecure specifically on this website, because there is a high % of highly educated working women. If they aren't doing this in IRL (telling other SAHMs how busy they are) because they feel more comfortable with them, are not insecure about talking about how quiet their days are.

When you talk to SAHMs in person, do you do things like imply that you're better than they are because you're an educated working woman, and that it makes sense that they'd feel insecure around you? I think that people just say things on this website that they wouldn't in person.

You must have missed this part of my post: I'd love to go to a daytime book club, pilates class and swing by the cafe to meet a friend for lunch. But don't tell me that's "so busy raising kids" lolol.

I don't think I'm better than anyone! I do work for many reasons, posted a while back. But the SAHM friends I have do not make up lies about how many times they clean bathrooms per day to make me think theyre so busy. They also dont imply that I'm a bad parent because I work, or that my house is dirty because I dont clean 5 bathrooms 7x a week. I am going to assume the ones who talk about how there's "no time left" to do much while your kid is at school are insecure and defensive over their choices. If someone wants to own their life of leisure, I'm here for it! But dont piss on my back and tell me its raining.

I was talking about your use of the word "caliber." You did say that "perhaps" it was the wrong word, but I don't see how you can say something like that and not feel superior to the people you said are of lesser caliber. I do think that a lot of the comments from SAHMs here are rude too, but I wonder if people are getting defensive or upset not because someone is actually being insulting, but because we can't help but infer an insult when someone defends a life choice that is different from our own.

I was responding to a specific post about how SAHMs dont do this IRL, only on DCUM, and what the differences may be and I apologize if my word choice triggered you.

Some of the posts on this thread are insulting. Especially considering it was supposed to be about why working women work, and seems to have been taken over with SAHMs justifying how they spend their time instead.

Why do you find it insulting that a SAHM runs errands during the day?

Do you find it insulting that people without children are running errands or going to book club in the evening?

I don't think you understood the post...

I think I did.

I think if a bunch of people came on this thread and started posting about how they didn’t have kids because they wanted to maintain their career, you wouldn’t feel so insulted.

You also wouldn’t force them to account for their time evenings and weekends and tell them how unproductive they are.

I think many people would find that insulting actually. Maybe you wouldn't, but I definitely would. It adds nothing to the conversation, it's just chatter from people who want attention, distracting from the actual topic. It costs nothing to make your own thread about whatever you want lol. More power to you to do that! Derailing other peoples threads is inappropriate internet etiquette, but there are many people on here (and trolls) who love to do it.

You're right that I wouldn't force them to account for their time on evenings and weekends, nor have I done that with any one else who posted here.

You have asked women who primarily work taking care of their children to account for their time when the children aren’t home.
Then you accused them of lying, puffing up their day, pretending to be so busy, feeling insecure, and being ineffective with their time.

I’m not a SAHM, but I feel compelled to defend them. And I am sure that your comments have caused several people casually looking at this thread to post.

If you want to know why SAHMs are posting in this thread, that’s why.

I definitely have not. I have responded to some of those posts, or other posts discussing that, but I have not asked about their time or asked anyone to justify their choice.

That’s fair. It’s an anonymous board.
People have asked what SAHMs and WOHMs with non traditional schedules do when their kids are at school. You read the responses and ridiculed these women, saying that they are lying, puffing up their time, pretending to be so busy, etc

Yes, there is no need to puff up and talk about running errands for 10h a week and say that's why you cant work and parent at the same time... I mean, maybe that happens, honestly I would be shocked, but who knows lol. It's really no skin off my nose.

I acknowledge a difference between the SAHMs in my life and the SAHMs on here, and IRL no one tries to puff. Clearly I'm on this website during the workday, so I'm not about to say I'm soooooo busy I also dont have one of the important jobs that some pps have. I dunno, I'm just tired of the fake. This is anon, if people cant be real here, why bother at all?

The reason I can’t work and parent at the same time is because I have a child with autism and I get called into the school a lot. I’m an ER doctor, so I can’t just leave my shift if something happens. So, I work part time evenings and overnight.

Because I am home, I don’t structure my day the way I would if I was working during the day. I exercise, run errands, shower, make dinner, garden, go to book club, etc.

I don’t know what’s going on with your friends, but I would guess that either they are secretly alcoholics or they do similar things during the school day, even if they don’t tell you about it. It would be crazy to structure household tasks the way you would if you were working and then just sit at home whiling away the time for six hours a day.

I'm the poster you replied to, but I have literally no idea what youre talking about. Why would you assume my friends are alcoholics? I never said anything about how I would structure household tasks?

You seem to think that SAHMs run errands, cook, or meet up with friends during the day because they are inefficient or because they are lying.
Otherwise, they would do these tasks when you do them.

I’m guessing that your friends are also actually busy doing this stuff during the day, even if they tell you that they do nothing.
People don’t spend hours a day laying on the couch doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an MBA and I dumped the male dominated corporate world in the late 90's after baby #2 and I set up my own consulting business. I had an office in my town, good flexibility, good and bad nannies and a very helpful husband. Within a year I was making a lot more money than in my corporate job and I had a life. I had great clients and I really enjoyed the work and I had great control over my time. We eventually had baby #3 and I continued to consult. But I know that staying in a big corporate job would have put a ton of stress on me and I'm sure I would have excited because my husband was doing very well. Once we became empty nesters I stopped consulting to pursue an art career to do something just for me. So, I needed to work to satisfy my own needs but made changes along the way to meet my family needs and I'm very happy given how it has all turned out.

Your post is inspiring. I left a big firm for a small one while raising my kids, which turned out great. My experience with good and bad nannies and a helpful husband has been similar. Not all years have been perfect or easy, but I'm content with my path, and I look forward to when I can focus more on what I want out of my career versus just trying to keep a career alive while parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an MBA and I dumped the male dominated corporate world in the late 90's after baby #2 and I set up my own consulting business. I had an office in my town, good flexibility, good and bad nannies and a very helpful husband. Within a year I was making a lot more money than in my corporate job and I had a life. I had great clients and I really enjoyed the work and I had great control over my time. We eventually had baby #3 and I continued to consult. But I know that staying in a big corporate job would have put a ton of stress on me and I'm sure I would have excited because my husband was doing very well. Once we became empty nesters I stopped consulting to pursue an art career to do something just for me. So, I needed to work to satisfy my own needs but made changes along the way to meet my family needs and I'm very happy given how it has all turned out.

I am cheering reading your post.