DD wants to be a nanny

[Anonymous]

and I'm struggling with this. I don't want to push or argue with her, and I have nothing against those who care for children. It's just that I always envisioned her pursing an education in STEM or medicine, perhaps working as a teacher.

She doesn't even want to pursue a degree in education. I told she could get a degree in education specifically math or science ed, and that could be an asset in the nanny field. She could also use it in another field if she changed her mind, but she doesn't want to do that.

She's been working the last year and half as an after school sitter and her family is expecting a new baby and she wants to be hired as the full time nanny. I now regret letting her be a babysitter.

I know it's her life, but I hate to see the college acceptances go to waste.

DH thinks we should force her hand a bit- no college she's totally on her own he'd compromise at part time college.

We have never been hard line parents, but we never had to be she's always been very level headed and made sound choices.

I just don't know what to do with this.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her college or she needs to 100% support herself, including housing, food, car, health insurance. Do a budget and show her expenses vs. salary and why a degree is a good idea. I would absolutely play hardball with college.

[Anonymous]

Don't force her hand. Kids are stupid and can't see long term.

I think a nanny would be a good job for her WHILE she's going to school. I only had Tues/Thurs classes in college (went full time).

[Anonymous]

Being a nanny is a lot more intensive than being a babysitter.

Have her read the nanny forum. Hearing all the grievances aired on there should make her think hard about her career choice.

- former au pair

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can call a truce and convince her to consider it as a gap year. After a year of being a full-time nanny, she might be ready to consider other options.

Before she starts turning down acceptances, she needs to make sure she fully understands the employment agreement with the family. She needs a written contract that clearly states the hours, salary, and benefits.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a waste of time and money (lots and lots of money) to force somebody to go to college when they don't want to be there.

I would let her be out on her own, nannying. Either things will go well, which is great, or she'll realize on her own that she really does need to go to college, which is also great. And it's not as though college were now or never. If she's always been very level-headed and made sound choices, you should trust her to do so now as well.

Maybe think of it as a gap year, if that would make you feel better?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps have her take a gap year? Support herself on the nanny salary for a year (you'd have to draw a hard line so she really sees what it's like to live off that money) and offer to support her in college after that year is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't force her hand. Kids are stupid and can't see long term.

I think a nanny would be a good job for her WHILE she's going to school. I only had Tues/Thurs classes in college (went full time).

+ 1 I worked as nanny while in college. It's actually how I paid for school. Would have loved to be in your daughter's shoes and have my parents pay my way.
Also, does the family she babysits for know of her plans to ditch college? Maybe you can subtly get them on your side and they can encourage her to go to college.
If that won't work I agree with your DH in that you might have to force her hand no college = zero financial support from/

[Anonymous]

12:17 here. Apparently three of us had the same thought at the same time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a waste of time and money (lots and lots of money) to force somebody to go to college when they don't want to be there.

I would let her be out on her own, nannying. Either things will go well, which is great, or she'll realize on her own that she really does need to go to college, which is also great. And it's not as though college were now or never. If she's always been very level-headed and made sound choices, you should trust her to do so now as well.

Maybe think of it as a gap year, if that would make you feel better?

I agree on the nannying for a year, fully supporting herself. Tell her you'll still pay for college after that year. (Or you can make it two years, so she has one to focus on applying, etc.)

It might be a win-win situation, because not only might she be eager to go to college, she'll be a better student than if you'd forced her to go right after high school. Do remember that she's an adult (or soon will be), and you need to do some degree of respecting her viewpoint, if you want her to respect yours.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny (who's parents are also disappointed in my choice) I don't think spending some time as a nanny is a terrible thing, but I wouldn't encourage her to make a career out of it. I've been nannying since I was 19 (now 24) and honestly I'm bored and burnt out. There is no advancement, nithing to really shoot for, and it can be tedious after a time. I'm finishing up school now and cannot wait to be finished nannying. All of that being said, I'm glad that I did it.

I've used nannying to pay for school and live on my own, which has taught me a lot about money management and made me more independent than many of my peers. I have real work and business experience, and I've learned to negotiate and advocate for myself as a professional in a way many of my peers have not had to. There is also something humbling about essentially being a servant that I think has been character building. I have a lot more respect for those in thankless serving positions. There is a lot of growing that your daughter can do working a job like this, and it would be great as a gap year, but not a career.

[Anonymous]

Team gap year.

Give your daughter the gift of time and flexibility to experiment in figuring out what she wants out of life. She sound responsible enough that she wants a job, and that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that being a nanny is a bad choice at all, especially if she's already got a steady job lined up with people she knows to be good bosses. However, I'd also keep in mind this might be anxiety about going out into the wide world. Can she put down a deposit at a school and ask for a gap year, and then revisit the issue 12 months from now when she decides whether to go to college, or look for something local and part time that would allow her to nanny part time, or continue to work without college.

[Anonymous]

I think being a nanny is great, too. But I'd really encourage of possible. The gap year is a good idea. I've told my son from a very young age he can be anything he wants to be, but I'm insisting on a four year degree first. So far he's fine with that. Of course I wouldn't hold him to that if it ever becomes a serious point of contention. There's only so much you can do. But getting that degree out of the way while young is so much easier than going back at night (which is what I did).

Do you know why she doesn't seem to be willing to defer making money? Or is it because she hates school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think being a nanny is great, too. But I'd really encourage college if possible. The gap year is a good idea. I've told my son from a very young age he can be anything he wants to be, but I'm insisting on a four year degree first. So far he's fine with that. Of course I wouldn't hold him to that if it ever becomes a serious point of contention. There's only so much you can do. But getting that degree out of the way while young is so much easier than going back at night (which is what I did).

Do you know why she doesn't seem to be willing to defer making money? Or is it because she hates school?

Typo, sorry.