My wife reacts with hostility when I ask for more sex

[Anonymous]

There's nothing more to it than that. She's not angry that I'm doing, or not doing, anything else. And she's not angry because she feels that we have enough sex. She couldn't reasonably feel that way since we have sex so pathetically infrequently. She's just mad because she doesn't want to have sex and I do. That makes me mad too, but getting angry with her about it isn't going to solve anything. I'd like to have a conversation with her about that subject without the hostility.

[Anonymous]

What's the context?

[Anonymous]

A moment alone where I start a conversation about how I'd like more sex in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

When did your frequency decrease? Do you know what caused it?

[Anonymous]

You seem like you want us all to jump on your wife. Given the fact that you seem to refuse to provide any other details, it makes me suspicious about how forthright you are being. Unless you married a total and complete monster in which case- why did you?

[Anonymous]

Sorry bro.

As Jessica Valenti said:

"It also paints a fairly inaccurate - and transactional - picture of female desire. Despite terrible gift books to the contrary, most women don’t get off on men vacuuming or picking up socks (not that there’s anything wrong with those that do). What turns women on is what turns men on: good sex."

Maybe work on improving your technique?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing more to it than that.

Ha, yeah right OP, yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing more to it than that.

Ha, yeah right OP, yeah right.

+1

There is ALWAYS more to it.

[Anonymous]

I bet she'd rather you weren't posting on the internet.

I'd work on your relationship generally.

[Anonymous]

DW here. I react the same way. What do you want from me now? I'm exhausted and kids are barely in bed. I've been running them nonstop since school got out and haven't had a moment to pee by myself. Just leave me alone and let me have some peace.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, asking for sex it a huge turn-off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry bro.

As Jessica Valenti said:

"It also paints a fairly inaccurate - and transactional - picture of female desire. Despite terrible gift books to the contrary, most women don’t get off on men vacuuming or picking up socks (not that there’s anything wrong with those that do). What turns women on is what turns men on: good sex."

Maybe work on improving your technique?

This. Men always think they're good in bed. News flash - you aren't all good in bed. I had a conversation with my husband about this when he asked for more sex. I basically told them that as soon as he remembers I'm even in the room at the time I'll consider it. Since we got married, his level of effort went waaaaay down. Therefore, so did mine.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to improve your technique when your wife won't communicate with you about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, asking for sex it a huge turn-off.

So a woman can just withhold sex altogether and then, when the guy has tried everything and is at his wits' end, he starts a conversation about it, then she gets to say that asking for sex is a turnoff?

Men get a lot in this world, but I'm not sure it's worth this price.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs. If my DH comes up to me and starts kissing me or cuddling me, it's on (but then again, he's very good in bed).

But if he just whined at me "we're not having enough sex"? Ugh, get in line with the tons of other people (kids, baby, boss, coworkers) making demands on my physical and emotional being so that I'm spent by the end of the day.

A lot of husbands act like just another "hungry mouth to feed" that wives have to take care of instead of being an enthusiastic partner and lover who takes care of HER. Look at your role in the dynamic. It takes two to tango.