My wife reacts with hostility when I ask for more sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you tell your husband that you aren't enjoying sex and he doesn't seem to care? I finally got the courage to tell my husband sex wasnt doing anything for me 2+years ago. I told him we should buy a nice upholstered, armless chair bc the few time i've enjoyed sex was when we were an in upright position. so here we are , two years after me telling him and still without a chair and I still do not enjoy sex even though we do it 2-3 times a week. I work out and stay in shape and am generally a nice and happy person. I thought that a man, whether he's a husband or not, would jump at the idea of buying an item that his increase his parter's sexual satisfaction, but what do I know. I realize I could buy it myself, but frankly, I'm pretty much over it.

This right here is a perfectly reasonable reason to withhold sex. You just tell him you aren't going to have sex until he is ready to take care of your needs. But the key is when you deny him let him know exactly why. Most women will just give the cold shoulder. I know it might be hard for a woman to believe, but no man is going to pick up on the fact he isn't getting sex now because he didn't buy a chair TWO YEARS AGO.

Guy here and I completely agree. If that PP said "hey, buy this chair and I'll probably want to screw more often in it" and her husband ignored such a direct request- he's an idiot, she did what she could. But its also pretty clear that she's not "pretty much over it" if she's resentful two years later about it.

No, I recently brought it up ago at the beginning of this year. As I stated, I've never withheld sex from my husband. We still do it 2-3 times a week. However, he has had no interest in my request- which I said I would like to have- or at me confiding to him that sex isnt enjoyable for me. I got up the courage to tell him I wasnt enjoying sex and that if we could purchase something that would perhaps help me do so and it fell on deaf ears. He flat out ignored me and the request. Where does the leave me and how could I possibly think he cares about my satisfaction?

What would happen if you just went out and bought a chair yourself? I completely get the frustration, just trying to gauge where he is on the clueless to indifferent to withholding spectrum.

Yes, I could do that. But in my mind, I just think/thought such a suggestion would make a man very happy and it would be something that he'd want to purchase- for us as a couple. And then once my husband showed no interest, it just killed it for me. Now whenever we go to Ikea or somewhere and I see those types of chairs it just pisses me off. But to my husband's credit, he did offer to look at them in our last trip to Ikea, which was about two months ago, but after two years of waiting and after telling him about it twice, I just lost interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, I could do that. But in my mind, I just think/thought such a suggestion would make a man very happy and it would be something that he'd want to purchase- for us as a couple. And then once my husband showed no interest, it just killed it for me. Now whenever we go to Ikea or somewhere and I see those types of chairs it just pisses me off. But to my husband's credit, he did offer to look at them in our last trip to Ikea, which was about two months ago, but after two years of waiting and after telling him about it twice, I just lost interest.

This I can understand. I'm one of the guys complaining about my wife having a seemingly never ending set of hoops I could jump through and never get her interested in sex. But this request is easy - basically "I'm not enjoying sex now, but I think I'd enjoy sex if you did this not very difficult thing." Then he ignores it. It's totally on him at that point. Yeah, you could buy it yourself, but the need to have some reassurance that he's at least a little bit interested in your well-being is not unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, I could do that. But in my mind, I just think/thought such a suggestion would make a man very happy and it would be something that he'd want to purchase- for us as a couple. And then once my husband showed no interest, it just killed it for me. Now whenever we go to Ikea or somewhere and I see those types of chairs it just pisses me off. But to my husband's credit, he did offer to look at them in our last trip to Ikea, which was about two months ago, but after two years of waiting and after telling him about it twice, I just lost interest.

This I can understand. I'm one of the guys complaining about my wife having a seemingly never ending set of hoops I could jump through and never get her interested in sex. But this request is easy - basically "I'm not enjoying sex now, but I think I'd enjoy sex if you did this not very difficult thing." Then he ignores it. It's totally on him at that point. Yeah, you could buy it yourself, but the need to have some reassurance that he's at least a little bit interested in your well-being is not unreasonable.

Thank you. I appreciate your response and point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you tell your husband that you aren't enjoying sex and he doesn't seem to care? I finally got the courage to tell my husband sex wasnt doing anything for me 2+years ago. I told him we should buy a nice upholstered, armless chair bc the few time i've enjoyed sex was when we were an in upright position. so here we are , two years after me telling him and still without a chair and I still do not enjoy sex even though we do it 2-3 times a week. I work out and stay in shape and am generally a nice and happy person. I thought that a man, whether he's a husband or not, would jump at the idea of buying an item that his increase his parter's sexual satisfaction, but what do I know. I realize I could buy it myself, but frankly, I'm pretty much over it.

This right here is a perfectly reasonable reason to withhold sex. You just tell him you aren't going to have sex until he is ready to take care of your needs. But the key is when you deny him let him know exactly why. Most women will just give the cold shoulder. I know it might be hard for a woman to believe, but no man is going to pick up on the fact he isn't getting sex now because he didn't buy a chair TWO YEARS AGO.

Guy here and I completely agree. If that PP said "hey, buy this chair and I'll probably want to screw more often in it" and her husband ignored such a direct request- he's an idiot, she did what she could. But its also pretty clear that she's not "pretty much over it" if she's resentful two years later about it.

No, I recently brought it up ago at the beginning of this year. As I stated, I've never withheld sex from my husband. We still do it 2-3 times a week. However, he has had no interest in my request- which I said I would like to have- or at me confiding to him that sex isnt enjoyable for me. I got up the courage to tell him I wasnt enjoying sex and that if we could purchase something that would perhaps help me do so and it fell on deaf ears. He flat out ignored me and the request. Where does the leave me and how could I possibly think he cares about my satisfaction?

I'm the PP two up. I was a little unclear. I think you did everything right, but I think you SHOULD withhold sex at this point, but tell him why. Maybe he is clueless, maybe he is uncaring, but either way you are not being satisfied and that is not fair, especially since you ARE interested in sex unlike some of the spouses we have been hearing about.

Also, exactly what type of chair are we talking about? a narrow chaise lounge is pretty awesome as well.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is afraid he'll buy the wrong chair. Why don't you just buy the chair and give him a happy surprise?

[Anonymous]

She said she showed him the one at IKEA.

He needs some incentive to change his behavior. Tell him you're cutting him off and why. Or next time he initiates tell him you don't touch his penis until after you cum actually you should say 3 times, since he has been in deficit spending mode for a long time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you tell your husband that you aren't enjoying sex and he doesn't seem to care? I finally got the courage to tell my husband sex wasnt doing anything for me 2+years ago. I told him we should buy a nice upholstered, armless chair bc the few time i've enjoyed sex was when we were an in upright position. so here we are , two years after me telling him and still without a chair and I still do not enjoy sex even though we do it 2-3 times a week. I work out and stay in shape and am generally a nice and happy person. I thought that a man, whether he's a husband or not, would jump at the idea of buying an item that his increase his parter's sexual satisfaction, but what do I know. I realize I could buy it myself, but frankly, I'm pretty much over it.

This right here is a perfectly reasonable reason to withhold sex. You just tell him you aren't going to have sex until he is ready to take care of your needs. But the key is when you deny him let him know exactly why. Most women will just give the cold shoulder. I know it might be hard for a woman to believe, but no man is going to pick up on the fact he isn't getting sex now because he didn't buy a chair TWO YEARS AGO.

Guy here and I completely agree. If that PP said "hey, buy this chair and I'll probably want to screw more often in it" and her husband ignored such a direct request- he's an idiot, she did what she could. But its also pretty clear that she's not "pretty much over it" if she's resentful two years later about it.

No, I recently brought it up ago at the beginning of this year. As I stated, I've never withheld sex from my husband. We still do it 2-3 times a week. However, he has had no interest in my request- which I said I would like to have- or at me confiding to him that sex isnt enjoyable for me. I got up the courage to tell him I wasnt enjoying sex and that if we could purchase something that would perhaps help me do so and it fell on deaf ears. He flat out ignored me and the request. Where does the leave me and how could I possibly think he cares about my satisfaction?

I'm the PP two up. I was a little unclear. I think you did everything right, but I think you SHOULD withhold sex at this point, but tell him why. Maybe he is clueless, maybe he is uncaring, but either way you are not being satisfied and that is not fair, especially since you ARE interested in sex unlike some of the spouses we have been hearing about.

Also, exactly what type of chair are we talking about? a narrow chaise lounge is pretty awesome as well.

I was thinking armless, upholstered chair but your idea sounds even better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you tell your husband that you aren't enjoying sex and he doesn't seem to care? I finally got the courage to tell my husband sex wasnt doing anything for me 2+years ago. I told him we should buy a nice upholstered, armless chair bc the few time i've enjoyed sex was when we were an in upright position. so here we are , two years after me telling him and still without a chair and I still do not enjoy sex even though we do it 2-3 times a week. I work out and stay in shape and am generally a nice and happy person. I thought that a man, whether he's a husband or not, would jump at the idea of buying an item that his increase his parter's sexual satisfaction, but what do I know. I realize I could buy it myself, but frankly, I'm pretty much over it.

This right here is a perfectly reasonable reason to withhold sex. You just tell him you aren't going to have sex until he is ready to take care of your needs. But the key is when you deny him let him know exactly why. Most women will just give the cold shoulder. I know it might be hard for a woman to believe, but no man is going to pick up on the fact he isn't getting sex now because he didn't buy a chair TWO YEARS AGO.

Guy here and I completely agree. If that PP said "hey, buy this chair and I'll probably want to screw more often in it" and her husband ignored such a direct request- he's an idiot, she did what she could. But its also pretty clear that she's not "pretty much over it" if she's resentful two years later about it.

No, I recently brought it up ago at the beginning of this year. As I stated, I've never withheld sex from my husband. We still do it 2-3 times a week. However, he has had no interest in my request- which I said I would like to have- or at me confiding to him that sex isnt enjoyable for me. I got up the courage to tell him I wasnt enjoying sex and that if we could purchase something that would perhaps help me do so and it fell on deaf ears. He flat out ignored me and the request. Where does the leave me and how could I possibly think he cares about my satisfaction?

I'm the PP two up. I was a little unclear. I think you did everything right, but I think you SHOULD withhold sex at this point, but tell him why. Maybe he is clueless, maybe he is uncaring, but either way you are not being satisfied and that is not fair, especially since you ARE interested in sex unlike some of the spouses we have been hearing about.

Also, exactly what type of chair are we talking about? a narrow chaise lounge is pretty awesome as well.

I was thinking armless, upholstered chair but your idea sounds even better

Yep, awesome angles/leverage with you or him on top. We saw a red leather one at the furniture store one day and I said lets get it but it completely clashed with our other furniture in both living areas and we don't have a big enough bedroom for it. Dw said no way everyone will know we just got it for sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, I could do that. But in my mind, I just think/thought such a suggestion would make a man very happy and it would be something that he'd want to purchase- for us as a couple. And then once my husband showed no interest, it just killed it for me. Now whenever we go to Ikea or somewhere and I see those types of chairs it just pisses me off. But to my husband's credit, he did offer to look at them in our last trip to Ikea, which was about two months ago, but after two years of waiting and after telling him about it twice, I just lost interest.

This I can understand. I'm one of the guys complaining about my wife having a seemingly never ending set of hoops I could jump through and never get her interested in sex. But this request is easy - basically "I'm not enjoying sex now, but I think I'd enjoy sex if you did this not very difficult thing." Then he ignores it. It's totally on him at that point. Yeah, you could buy it yourself, but the need to have some reassurance that he's at least a little bit interested in your well-being is not unreasonable.

Thank you. I appreciate your response and point of view.

Different guy and I agree with that PP. I think every higher drive spouse has their own version of The Chair.

[Anonymous]

Just go out and buy what you need to make things enjoyable, and use it when you're with him. You don't need his or anyone's permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you tell your husband that you aren't enjoying sex and he doesn't seem to care? I finally got the courage to tell my husband sex wasnt doing anything for me 2+years ago. I told him we should buy a nice upholstered, armless chair bc the few time i've enjoyed sex was when we were an in upright position. so here we are , two years after me telling him and still without a chair and I still do not enjoy sex even though we do it 2-3 times a week. I work out and stay in shape and am generally a nice and happy person. I thought that a man, whether he's a husband or not, would jump at the idea of buying an item that his increase his parter's sexual satisfaction, but what do I know. I realize I could buy it myself, but frankly, I'm pretty much over it.

This right here is a perfectly reasonable reason to withhold sex. You just tell him you aren't going to have sex until he is ready to take care of your needs. But the key is when you deny him let him know exactly why. Most women will just give the cold shoulder. I know it might be hard for a woman to believe, but no man is going to pick up on the fact he isn't getting sex now because he didn't buy a chair TWO YEARS AGO.

Guy here and I completely agree. If that PP said "hey, buy this chair and I'll probably want to screw more often in it" and her husband ignored such a direct request- he's an idiot, she did what she could. But its also pretty clear that she's not "pretty much over it" if she's resentful two years later about it.

No, I recently brought it up ago at the beginning of this year. As I stated, I've never withheld sex from my husband. We still do it 2-3 times a week. However, he has had no interest in my request- which I said I would like to have- or at me confiding to him that sex isnt enjoyable for me. I got up the courage to tell him I wasnt enjoying sex and that if we could purchase something that would perhaps help me do so and it fell on deaf ears. He flat out ignored me and the request. Where does the leave me and how could I possibly think he cares about my satisfaction?

What would happen if you just went out and bought a chair yourself? I completely get the frustration, just trying to gauge where he is on the clueless to indifferent to withholding spectrum.

Yes, I could do that. But in my mind, I just think/thought such a suggestion would make a man very happy and it would be something that he'd want to purchase- for us as a couple. And then once my husband showed no interest, it just killed it for me. Now whenever we go to Ikea or somewhere and I see those types of chairs it just pisses me off. But to my husband's credit, he did offer to look at them in our last trip to Ikea, which was about two months ago, but after two years of waiting and after telling him about it twice, I just lost interest.

I agree. What would concern me more than the chair itself is your husband's seeming lack of interest in whether or not you enjoy sex. I think you should seriously put the brakes on sex. 2-3 times a week is a LOT, especially for an activity that you aren't enjoying (and that your husband doesnt seem to care whether you enjoy it or not). I would feel very used and unappreciated if I were treated this way.