Baby is two weeks and gender disappointment hasn’t gone away

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, these replies are awful.

I do think it's worth bringing it up with your doctor but I also think it's normal to take time to grieve your expectations.

[Anonymous]

our first child was a boy and my husband said, "I'm so sorry" at the first ultrasound. He is about to turn 10 and is the sweetest child ever. Gender means almost nothing these days. See your child as an individual and love them for who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was born disabled. I’d loved to have simply been disappointed by gender.

IVF patient here.

Bronze and silver medalist in the woe is me olympics, who will take the gold?

Actually I do think some perspective can help. And it's fair to call it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was born disabled. I’d loved to have simply been disappointed by gender.

IVF patient here.

Bronze and silver medalist in the woe is me olympics, who will take the gold?

Actually I do think some perspective can help. And it's fair to call it out.

If she were mentally healthy, maybe. But this is actually the equivalent of finding someone bleeding out and rather than helping them, telling them to be glad they don’t have any broken bones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m almost 2 years in and still a little sad and disappointed about having a boy. I love him beyond words, but it’s still there. It might always be, it’s just how it goes.

No, that’s not how it goes. This isn’t okay or normal. You might want to get screened for depression.

Seconding this. This is unusual. I would try to address the feelings. It seems like they might be about something deeper.

PP here. Honestly? I have two brothers and they just don’t care about my parents the way I do, so I know that is coloring my feelings. And we are one and done for health reasons and I’m sure that’s part of the sadness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was born disabled. I’d loved to have simply been disappointed by gender.

IVF patient here.

Bronze and silver medalist in the woe is me olympics, who will take the gold?

Actually I do think some perspective can help. And it's fair to call it out.

If she were mentally healthy, maybe. But this is actually the equivalent of finding someone bleeding out and rather than helping them, telling them to be glad they don’t have any broken bones.

This. OP, I'm sorry people are being so awful. Talk to your doctor and get as much sleep as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m almost 2 years in and still a little sad and disappointed about having a boy. I love him beyond words, but it’s still there. It might always be, it’s just how it goes.

No, that’s not how it goes. This isn’t okay or normal. You might want to get screened for depression.

Seconding this. This is unusual. I would try to address the feelings. It seems like they might be about something deeper.

PP here. Honestly? I have two brothers and they just don’t care about my parents the way I do, so I know that is coloring my feelings. And we are one and done for health reasons and I’m sure that’s part of the sadness.

It makes sense that would affect your feelings. FWIW, I also have two brothers, and both of them are arguably closer to my parents than I am, so I think a lot of things besides gender can affect this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m almost 2 years in and still a little sad and disappointed about having a boy. I love him beyond words, but it’s still there. It might always be, it’s just how it goes.

No, that’s not how it goes. This isn’t okay or normal. You might want to get screened for depression.

Seconding this. This is unusual. I would try to address the feelings. It seems like they might be about something deeper.

PP here. Honestly? I have two brothers and they just don’t care about my parents the way I do, so I know that is coloring my feelings. And we are one and done for health reasons and I’m sure that’s part of the sadness.

It makes sense that would affect your feelings. FWIW, I also have two brothers, and both of them are arguably closer to my parents than I am, so I think a lot of things besides gender can affect this.

PP here, thank you for pointing out it isn’t just gender. I feel terrible that I am still a little sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my heart set on one gender and really thought that’s what we were having. Waited till birth to find out and was happy to have a healthy baby but immediately felt a bit gutted.

I figured I was just exhausted, but the feeling still hasn’t gone away. Wondering if this could be PPD? I love my baby, of course. Hate feeling disappointed when I look at it.

That's what happens when you decide to have a "surprise" (hint: it's always a boy or girl...not a big surprise) and then spend the ensuing months fixating on the gender you just know it is. Now just relax, enjoy the baby, and realize that you did actually want x and not y. It's ok. You'll adjust. Next time find out ahead of time and you have tons of time to go through that before the baby is born.

No, that's not what happens when you decide to wait. I have a friend who found out at 20 weeks and the kid is now three and she's still a little disappointed. Of course she loves her kid but really wanted one of each and didn't get that. She and OP are entitled to their disappointment!

[Anonymous]

I've posted here already but am looking at all these other posters insulting OP and just wanted to add that I've only had one baby and really wanted a girl. i got a girl but if it had been a boy I think I would have been sad. There are things a mom will do with a girl that she just won't do with a boy, ways they will relate with one another. My daughter just got her first period a few months ago and that was a uniting moment between us I wouldn't have had with a boy.

If you only get to have one child and had a sort of secret list of things you wanted to go through with them, I can totally understand how having a child of the other gender could totally confound that desired wishlist. Never getting to put your daughter in a frilly dress, or put them in pigtails, or talk about girl stuff or the weird friendship dynamics that girls have at school, or whatever.

Sometimes parenting helps you heal your own wounds from when you were a child, and you almost relive your own girlhood in a way as your daughter goes through hers. Not sure if folks will know what I mean or relate at all, but as my daughter goes through social problems at school and other issues, I relate her experiences to my own problems as a child to help her try to find solutions if she wants my advice, and it gives me more perspective on what I went through when I was a kid. My kid is a lot different from me but we still had some of the same problems, and I think they would have been really different if my kid had been a boy. I'm not sure this is what OP is getting at at all and I'm sure folks will now insult me for being crazy and a terrible mother, but these are some of the things I thought about when I was pregnant and didn't know what my baby's gender was.

Anyway, OP, I get you and I don't really think anything is wrong with you, I also really wanted a particular gender. I think you should talk out loud to somebody about this, I do find that sometimes saying the words out loud makes them lose some of their power over me. Don't mind the mean posters in here. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I think this thread is a good argument for finding out the gender early especially if you have any preference or even think you might. If you’re going to be disappointed, better to deal with it pregnant than post partum imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread is a good argument for finding out the gender early especially if you have any preference or even think you might. If you’re going to be disappointed, better to deal with it pregnant than post partum imo.

So you think people just deal with any disappointment when they find out then it goes away? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've posted here already but am looking at all these other posters insulting OP and just wanted to add that I've only had one baby and really wanted a girl. i got a girl but if it had been a boy I think I would have been sad. There are things a mom will do with a girl that she just won't do with a boy, ways they will relate with one another. My daughter just got her first period a few months ago and that was a uniting moment between us I wouldn't have had with a boy.

If you only get to have one child and had a sort of secret list of things you wanted to go through with them, I can totally understand how having a child of the other gender could totally confound that desired wishlist. Never getting to put your daughter in a frilly dress, or put them in pigtails, or talk about girl stuff or the weird friendship dynamics that girls have at school, or whatever.

Sometimes parenting helps you heal your own wounds from when you were a child, and you almost relive your own girlhood in a way as your daughter goes through hers. Not sure if folks will know what I mean or relate at all, but as my daughter goes through social problems at school and other issues, I relate her experiences to my own problems as a child to help her try to find solutions if she wants my advice, and it gives me more perspective on what I went through when I was a kid. My kid is a lot different from me but we still had some of the same problems, and I think they would have been really different if my kid had been a boy. I'm not sure this is what OP is getting at at all and I'm sure folks will now insult me for being crazy and a terrible mother, but these are some of the things I thought about when I was pregnant and didn't know what my baby's gender was.

Anyway, OP, I get you and I don't really think anything is wrong with you, I also really wanted a particular gender. I think you should talk out loud to somebody about this, I do find that sometimes saying the words out loud makes them lose some of their power over me. Don't mind the mean posters in here. Good luck!

Sorry PP, but you just don't know that this is true. In fact I'd be stunned if it were true. You most likely fell in love with your daughter because that's what happens - you love your child. Real children are enthralling and mystifying and wonderful in ways that hypothetical "girls" or "boys" that you dream up in your head while younger just aren't.

OP, I hope you're OK. IMHO it doesn't sound normal and I think it could be PPD. You will get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my heart set on one gender and really thought that’s what we were having. Waited till birth to find out and was happy to have a healthy baby but immediately felt a bit gutted.

I figured I was just exhausted, but the feeling still hasn’t gone away. Wondering if this could be PPD? I love my baby, of course. Hate feeling disappointed when I look at it.

Please talk to your doctor about PPD which can be really serious. I can't relate to your post, but your feelings are what they are, but would want you to talk to someone that could help.

[Anonymous]

Really love this poster coming in here and contradicting people's lived experiences and/or calling actual feelings unhealthy. Okay PP guess you are a mental health expert we should all bow down to as opposed to some rando on the internet setting standards for how everyone else should live their lives.

Gender disappointment isn't crazy. Every person is different. Your personal feelings are not the standards for what everyone else's feelings should be. That's why people in here saying they were disappointed or would have been disappointed by the gender of baby they had have votes on this issue that are valid. This isn't like refusing a life saving vaccine where there's a clear right and wrong answer. People have the feelings they have and those feelings are valid.