Baby is two weeks and gender disappointment hasn’t gone away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand - if you had a particular gender you wanted why not find out sooner so you could manage expectations before the kid is born?

This.

Yup.

We didn’t find out the gender for our first two, in part because we could not have cared less. Girl, boy (and then another boy, but we did know in advance with him), love them all to pieces. I can’t imagine going through childbirth and then being disappointed over gender.

Please talk to a professional about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my heart set on one gender and really thought that’s what we were having. Waited till birth to find out and was happy to have a healthy baby but immediately felt a bit gutted.

I figured I was just exhausted, but the feeling still hasn’t gone away. Wondering if this could be PPD? I love my baby, of course. Hate feeling disappointed when I look at it.

It sounds like PPD is playing a role, but honestly, babies at 2 weeks are still kind of interchangeable. It's easy to look at yours and wish you had a different model. In a few months he/she will seem like more of an indivdual with his/her own personality, and you absolutely won't want any other baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You just referred to your baby as "it". Really sounds like PPD.

She used no gender identifiers in the entire post, likely just to prevent “but girls are wonderful!” or “you’ll be a great boy mom!” responses.

Just hold on a bit OP. In a few more weeks when your baby’s personality starts to show, you’ll forget all about this.

Yes, but there are generally accepted ways to refer to humans that don't identify gender. "It" isn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m almost 2 years in and still a little sad and disappointed about having a boy. I love him beyond words, but it’s still there. It might always be, it’s just how it goes.

My parents were like you and believe me, I knew. I feel for your boy.

[Anonymous]

It took me more than a couple of weeks to process my gender disappointment. I found out at the 20w u/s. By the time of his birth I had dealt with it. It still took me a few days to bond with him though. A few months later I was completely converted and overjoyed to have a little boy.

Give yourself some time, but speaking to a professional May be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Not sure this will help but fwiw gender is a lot more fluid these days. What we think of as a traditional boy and a traditional girl 10 years ago is slipping away a little. Maybe it might help a little to think of the baby as a kid, and keep all sorts of traditional-boy (sports, mud, I dunno) and traditional-girl (pink, baby dolls, toddler cooking stoves, whateves) open to them. It will turn your kid into a better little person anyway (boys need to cook too and girls love mud etc), and might be a workaround for your feelings here.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you aren’t getting a lot of compassion here OP. While I can’t personally relate, I think this is common. Please do mention to your OB and ask for a referral. They will not think down on you and will be easily able to make that connection to someone who can help you process how you are feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m almost 2 years in and still a little sad and disappointed about having a boy. I love him beyond words, but it’s still there. It might always be, it’s just how it goes.

No, that’s not how it goes. This isn’t okay or normal. You might want to get screened for depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m almost 2 years in and still a little sad and disappointed about having a boy. I love him beyond words, but it’s still there. It might always be, it’s just how it goes.

No, that’s not how it goes. This isn’t okay or normal. You might want to get screened for depression.

+1 You owe it to your child to figure out how to be the best parent too him that you can be. Get help if you need it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for the heartless replies OP— you feel how you feel and hateful internet people trying to make you feel bad about it won’t help.

In this newborn phase do what you can to make the baby the cutest most irresistible *baby* possible. Bonnets and bubbles if that’s your think or smocking or whatever your style is, if you can’t stop giving kisses and cuddles it will help you bond. Do skin to skin at every feeding if you can, you need your hormones to help you here if possible. You might also consider whether there is a PPD component as others have said. Congratulations on your baby, you will get through this tough stuff together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You just referred to your baby as "it". Really sounds like PPD.

She used no gender identifiers in the entire post, likely just to prevent “but girls are wonderful!” or “you’ll be a great boy mom!” responses.

Just hold on a bit OP. In a few more weeks when your baby’s personality starts to show, you’ll forget all about this.

I have never heard of somebody calling their newborn it. If she wanted gender neutral terms, baby works just fine. Now that you mention it, its weird not to mention the sex at all, like she doesn't want to hear about the upsides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my heart set on one gender and really thought that’s what we were having. Waited till birth to find out and was happy to have a healthy baby but immediately felt a bit gutted.

I figured I was just exhausted, but the feeling still hasn’t gone away. Wondering if this could be PPD? I love my baby, of course. Hate feeling disappointed when I look at it.

That's what happens when you decide to have a "surprise" (hint: it's always a boy or girl...not a big surprise) and then spend the ensuing months fixating on the gender you just know it is. Now just relax, enjoy the baby, and realize that you did actually want x and not y. It's ok. You'll adjust. Next time find out ahead of time and you have tons of time to go through that before the baby is born.

LMAO

[Anonymous]

It really boggles my mind how entitled people are. They really think they are entitled to the gender they want and that they have the right to be upset about it.

I don't know if you have PPD or not, but you should seek help.

[Anonymous]

Don’t come to dcum with this, you know you’ll get torn apart. Could be ppd or gender disappointment, either way see a therapist you can talk things over with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just referred to your baby as "it". Really sounds like PPD.

+1