Sister with secondary infertility want my eggs, but I don't want to donate them

[Anonymous]

I was actually in this situation. I was the sister begging for a donation. At first she said yes then at the meeting with the doctor she was so weird saying it would be her “firstborn” — after 3 abortions and really disliking children. Of course the doctor said no way. And of course I was very very sad and upset. We look like twins so the resulting child/ children would naturally have looked like both of us.
That was many years ago. Our lives have taken very different paths although we got over this. I went in to anonymous donation and had two children. Very very lucky with these two: love of my life.
In retrospect this was by far the best decision. I would have been bound to her for life and she can be very entitled. I feel I dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

I could not do it either!
I'm kind of shocked she pushed this when she has 2 healthy kids. Some people are so entitled. She can go other routes like using a donor egg or adoption. This isn't her only route to having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was actually in this situation. I was the sister begging for a donation. At first she said yes then at the meeting with the doctor she was so weird saying it would be her “firstborn” — after 3 abortions and really disliking children. Of course the doctor said no way. And of course I was very very sad and upset. We look like twins so the resulting child/ children would naturally have looked like both of us.
That was many years ago. Our lives have taken very different paths although we got over this. I went in to anonymous donation and had two children. Very very lucky with these two: love of my life.
In retrospect this was by far the best decision. I would have been bound to her for life and she can be very entitled. I feel I dodged a bullet.

You seem a bit entitled yourself though. It's a BIG ASK. And I don't really think you can even wrap your head around what it means until you have had children and it sounded like that same thought was coming to her.

[Anonymous]

OP you made the right choice. Imagine the poor baby raised by a woman like that.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be about eggs or embryos already extracted and frozen. Even then I would have said that you aren't obligated to give them to her.

Her asking that you physically go through donation right now is way over the top.

Don't feel bad. It's asking too much.

[Anonymous]

I have a good relationship with my sister and I wouldn't donate my eggs to her, or ask for hers. I think it's weird that your sister feels so entitled to your genetic material.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Does she not see the irony in calling you selfish?!

She isn’t entitled to your eggs, and why would you want to be around a child you know is yours but you can’t claim.

She has two kids why isn’t that enough?!

[Anonymous]

I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

Ok, holy one. Here’s your medal. Go sit down now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

Then you should know better. It's a terrible thing to be an altruistic donor and then judge others for not doing the same. I am also an organ donor and was very glad to do it. But from our shared pexerience, I understand how hard it is to ask someone to go through that - particularly if you have a contentious relationship with that person. Here, she would be carrying the child very shortly after having birthed her own during a pandemic. It is reasonable for her to have hesitations.

Don't get all high and mighty. We don't donate organs to rub it in other people's faces. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

It's a big ask. Huge. It's OK to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is 42 and I am 38. She is married with two healthy, beautiful children, and I am married with three healthy, beautiful children. My youngest child is five months old and I just returned to work from maternity leave. My sister and I have never been very close. We grew up in a house with a lot of dysfunction and she did some particularly unkind things to me during our teens and 20s. We've matured and moved on and our relationship is now better than it was when we were younger.

She wants a third child and has been trying to concieve for about 4 years. She recently asked me if I would donate my eggs to her. I do not want to for many reasons, including that I am still nursing and raising three young children, I am not an ideal age to donate, we live about five hours away from each other, and most importantly, I think it would affect our family dynamic in harmful and unhealthy ways. I think donation would be incredibly complicated for me emotionally and that I would think of the child as mine, rather than as my niece or nephew. Assuming that the donation was even successful, I would be essentially be having a child with my brother-in-law. I told her my feelings and she said some harsh and hurtful things to me along the lines of you're selfish, I would do it for you, I have many friends that have offered to donate and can't believe my own sister won't. Given our history and dynamic, none of these statements really surprised me. I tried to be calm and rational with her during this conversation, but she just kept laying on the guilt. Some of her comments are still haunting me. I know she is hurting and her comments come from that place of hurt, but I am not swayed by them. Her reaction just validated my belief that donating eggs would be a big, heartbreaking mess for me and my family.

She has always has a sort of "entitled" mentality, like everyone owes her something. This just seems like more of that. Am I crazy for viewing it this way? Please, give me a reality check.

np My sister asked and I said no, I was uncomfortable doing it. To collect eggs it isn't easy as going out to the chicken hatch and picking up eggs! It could harm you. If she calls you selfish you could also call her selfish for asking you.

[Anonymous]

I think the key here is that OP's sister already has two healthy children and is not at risk of any life threatening injury/disease that requires the donation. Her sister is fine. What she is asking for is a luxury. If OP is uncomfortable, that's her right.