Sister with secondary infertility want my eggs, but I don't want to donate them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

You don’t understand narcissism. A narcissist would say yes, expect to be the star of the show, make everything about herself, and spend the rest of her life reminding her sister and everyone else what a huge favor she did, how hard it was, how she never asked for anything in return. OP is the opposite of a narcissist. She wants to avoid drama.

No, you're wrong. DP. Look at how OP responds to her sister and is stirring things up. She is a total Drama Queen and lapping up all of this. She seems to be enjoying holding the power against her sister and my read is that she is being completely retaliatory. Not a good look by OP.

Ha! I had the same impression reading the OP. OP spends a lot of time telling us about her sister's faults and no time at all talking about her role (you know, it takes two to tango and all that) and she is using this to retaliate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

You don’t understand narcissism. A narcissist would say yes, expect to be the star of the show, make everything about herself, and spend the rest of her life reminding her sister and everyone else what a huge favor she did, how hard it was, how she never asked for anything in return. OP is the opposite of a narcissist. She wants to avoid drama.

No, you're wrong. DP. Look at how OP responds to her sister and is stirring things up. She is a total Drama Queen and lapping up all of this. She seems to be enjoying holding the power against her sister and my read is that she is being completely retaliatory. Not a good look by OP.

Ha! I had the same impression reading the OP. OP spends a lot of time telling us about her sister's faults and no time at all talking about her role (you know, it takes two to tango and all that) and she is using this to retaliate.

HER EGGS, HER CHOICE.
squawk away, eggless chickens.

[Anonymous]

I think your sister is in the wrong here, OP. Your eggs, your choice. Period. Like you, I would feel like that child was mine. Kudos to those who can handle egg donation. It's an amazing gift. I just know myself well enough to know what I can and cannot handle.

Your sister is in an emotional place right now and since she doesn't seem to do well with her verbal filter anyway, you can expect more hurtful things if you engage her. Can you take a step back for a bit?

[Anonymous]

She is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

You don’t understand narcissism. A narcissist would say yes, expect to be the star of the show, make everything about herself, and spend the rest of her life reminding her sister and everyone else what a huge favor she did, how hard it was, how she never asked for anything in return. OP is the opposite of a narcissist. She wants to avoid drama.

No, you're wrong. DP. Look at how OP responds to her sister and is stirring things up. She is a total Drama Queen and lapping up all of this. She seems to be enjoying holding the power against her sister and my read is that she is being completely retaliatory. Not a good look by OP.

Ha! I had the same impression reading the OP. OP spends a lot of time telling us about her sister's faults and no time at all talking about her role (you know, it takes two to tango and all that) and she is using this to retaliate.

Nobody owes you their eggs. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Your sister sounds awful and I can commiserate, having an equally awful sister. Talk about entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

You do you. No need to fight for the moral high ground. I actually suspect your intention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

You don’t understand narcissism. A narcissist would say yes, expect to be the star of the show, make everything about herself, and spend the rest of her life reminding her sister and everyone else what a huge favor she did, how hard it was, how she never asked for anything in return. OP is the opposite of a narcissist. She wants to avoid drama.

No, you're wrong. DP. Look at how OP responds to her sister and is stirring things up. She is a total Drama Queen and lapping up all of this. She seems to be enjoying holding the power against her sister and my read is that she is being completely retaliatory. Not a good look by OP.

Ha! I had the same impression reading the OP. OP spends a lot of time telling us about her sister's faults and no time at all talking about her role (you know, it takes two to tango and all that) and she is using this to retaliate.

Nobody owes you their eggs. Get a clue.

Like who would even think that way? That is such a bizzare, sick twisted way to read this situation. Is that pp op's sister because that is weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

You don’t understand narcissism. A narcissist would say yes, expect to be the star of the show, make everything about herself, and spend the rest of her life reminding her sister and everyone else what a huge favor she did, how hard it was, how she never asked for anything in return. OP is the opposite of a narcissist. She wants to avoid drama.

No, you're wrong. DP. Look at how OP responds to her sister and is stirring things up. She is a total Drama Queen and lapping up all of this. She seems to be enjoying holding the power against her sister and my read is that she is being completely retaliatory. Not a good look by OP.

No here. No you’re wrong -and as the other poster said look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have done this for anyone when I was of age to do so. This is not donating an organ to save a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would donate my eggs in a heartbeat to my sister. I guess I am surprised by the answers here but then again I guess I am not. There are a lot of narcissists here.

Very easy for you to type that on an anonymous message board. Much different when it's your actual life.

I am 43 and using donor eggs. I have a younger sister and I would never ask her for her eggs. In fact she even brought it up once and I simply said that wasn't a route I was going to explore. The emotional ramifications are enormous.

Also, I have to agree that since she has 2 healthy children, OP's sister should sit down.

I made an organ donation to a stranger. I definitely would donate my eggs to my sister. It is a much easier process than what I've already done.

Again, I think there are a lot of narcissists here. I feel sad for you all.

Really? You have a profound emotional attachment to your kidney (or whatever), and will see it at every family get-together?

I feel like you donated brain cells, because you appear to be running low.

What is wrong with you??? The baby would be HER CHILD genetically. It is not even remotely similar to donating a kidney. DNA connection can be profound and meaningful. I absolutely would be emotionally attached to my own genetic child! And to have a selfish sister with whom I had a fraught relationship raising my child? NO.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who has even a shred of doubt about this should not donate.

That said if I was dealing with a sibling who asked this of me who I didn't want to help for whatever reason, I would lie. Oh I have diminished ovarian reserve or whatever. Come up with some BS medical reason. There is no way to deliver this message in a way that isn't hurtful.

I don't think OP's sister should be giving her grief but I also feel like its understandable that her feelings are hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has even a shred of doubt about this should not donate.

That said if I was dealing with a sibling who asked this of me who I didn't want to help for whatever reason, I would lie. Oh I have diminished ovarian reserve or whatever. Come up with some BS medical reason. There is no way to deliver this message in a way that isn't hurtful.

I don't think OP's sister should be giving her grief but I also feel like its understandable that her feelings are hurt.

Sorry but why should this hurt the sister? She isn’t entitled to her sisters eggs!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has even a shred of doubt about this should not donate.

That said if I was dealing with a sibling who asked this of me who I didn't want to help for whatever reason, I would lie. Oh I have diminished ovarian reserve or whatever. Come up with some BS medical reason. There is no way to deliver this message in a way that isn't hurtful.

I don't think OP's sister should be giving her grief but I also feel like its understandable that her feelings are hurt.

Sorry but why should this hurt the sister? She isn’t entitled to her sisters eggs!!

Of course she's not! But the hurt is understandable. It's the kind of thing you feel like your family will do for you, and if they won't it hurts. The outcome is the same in both methods so I would just choose the less aggressive one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was actually in this situation. I was the sister begging for a donation. At first she said yes then at the meeting with the doctor she was so weird saying it would be her “firstborn” — after 3 abortions and really disliking children. Of course the doctor said no way. And of course I was very very sad and upset. We look like twins so the resulting child/ children would naturally have looked like both of us.
That was many years ago. Our lives have taken very different paths although we got over this. I went in to anonymous donation and had two children. Very very lucky with these two: love of my life.
In retrospect this was by far the best decision. I would have been bound to her for life and she can be very entitled. I feel I dodged a bullet.

You seem a bit entitled yourself though. It's a BIG ASK. And I don't really think you can even wrap your head around what it means until you have had children and it sounded like that same thought was coming to her.

Interesting. Sister hates children and never had any. Still the best decision I ever made. It was an ASK (stupid expression ) and no is a complete sentence. She said no and that’s fine.