Sex life after 20 years together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me feel much less melancholy about being single. I cohabited with divorced men who had kids twice, so got a taste of the selfishness - one of them was always stoned and playing with his friends in person, the other put his World of Warcraft addiction ahead of his kids and me both. I’m high libido, but lost all attraction in the face of that kind of childish crap. I suspect most women in largely sexless marriages are plenty interested in sex but disgusted by the man they’re with because he’s essentially another kid they have to look after - but a kid who can cause incredible harm in their lives.

I know some marriages are true love matches that remain mostly functional for the duration, but from my observations over half a century, it’s clear to me that women usually get the shaft and that’s why so many women don’t want the shaft anymore after the initial stages pass.

That's the problem, lady.

[Anonymous]

This is a byproduct of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years together with one teenager here. For us, it ranges between 1-3x per week. We’re both very fit and still attracted to each other. Overall, its pretty routine and conventional but very good. Every once in a while it gets crazy and its a lot if fun. Earlier in the pandemic when we couldn’t find time she did an impromptu striptease in the garage, f’d me in a camping chair and then on a weight bench. I never forget those fun times.

Yowza! Your wife sounds awesome!

And not to brag, but we’re about to do it right now as soon as she gets off of a call.

Report back on anything kinky, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to try. You need to sustain intimacy to keep the connection and attraction. Your brain and emotions play a big role in attraction, so you need to approach this from all fronts.

Trust me, you want to reach the finish line. You don’t divorce over this; you fix it.

+1. Marriage is work. Put in the work to maintain attraction and a sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years together with one teenager here. For us, it ranges between 1-3x per week. We’re both very fit and still attracted to each other. Overall, its pretty routine and conventional but very good. Every once in a while it gets crazy and its a lot if fun. Earlier in the pandemic when we couldn’t find time she did an impromptu striptease in the garage, f’d me in a camping chair and then on a weight bench. I never forget those fun times.

Yowza! Your wife sounds awesome!

And not to brag, but we’re about to do it right now as soon as she gets off of a call.

Report back on anything kinky, please.

Pretty conventional but damn, it was really good. Like I mentioned in my original post, she’s really fit. It finished with her on top with one hand hanging onto the headboard and the other on my chest. I was enjoying the show and had my hands on her six pack listening the sounds she was making plus the bed creaking under me. Afterwards, we went and grabbed tacos. Good start to the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years together with one teenager here. For us, it ranges between 1-3x per week. We’re both very fit and still attracted to each other. Overall, its pretty routine and conventional but very good. Every once in a while it gets crazy and its a lot if fun. Earlier in the pandemic when we couldn’t find time she did an impromptu striptease in the garage, f’d me in a camping chair and then on a weight bench. I never forget those fun times.

Yowza! Your wife sounds awesome!

And not to brag, but we’re about to do it right now as soon as she gets off of a call.

Report back on anything kinky, please.

Pretty conventional but damn, it was really good. Like I mentioned in my original post, she’s really fit. It finished with her on top with one hand hanging onto the headboard and the other on my chest. I was enjoying the show and had my hands on her six pack listening the sounds she was making plus the bed creaking under me. Afterwards, we went and grabbed tacos. Good start to the weekend.

Thanks!...and congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years together with one teenager here. For us, it ranges between 1-3x per week. We’re both very fit and still attracted to each other. Overall, its pretty routine and conventional but very good. Every once in a while it gets crazy and its a lot if fun. Earlier in the pandemic when we couldn’t find time she did an impromptu striptease in the garage, f’d me in a camping chair and then on a weight bench. I never forget those fun times.

Yowza! Your wife sounds awesome!

And not to brag, but we’re about to do it right now as soon as she gets off of a call.

Report back on anything kinky, please.

Pretty conventional but damn, it was really good. Like I mentioned in my original post, she’s really fit. It finished with her on top with one hand hanging onto the headboard and the other on my chest. I was enjoying the show and had my hands on her six pack listening the sounds she was making plus the bed creaking under me. Afterwards, we went and grabbed tacos. Good start to the weekend.

Tell me more about the tacos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years together with one teenager here. For us, it ranges between 1-3x per week. We’re both very fit and still attracted to each other. Overall, its pretty routine and conventional but very good. Every once in a while it gets crazy and its a lot if fun. Earlier in the pandemic when we couldn’t find time she did an impromptu striptease in the garage, f’d me in a camping chair and then on a weight bench. I never forget those fun times.

Yowza! Your wife sounds awesome!

And not to brag, but we’re about to do it right now as soon as she gets off of a call.

Report back on anything kinky, please.

Pretty conventional but damn, it was really good. Like I mentioned in my original post, she’s really fit. It finished with her on top with one hand hanging onto the headboard and the other on my chest. I was enjoying the show and had my hands on her six pack listening the sounds she was making plus the bed creaking under me. Afterwards, we went and grabbed tacos. Good start to the weekend.

Tell me more about the tacos!

For sure! I had a Pirata on corn tortilla which has steak, retried beans, cheese, onions and cilantro. It also came with a lime. She had a shrimp taco which looked to be really good. We had chips, salsa and iced tea as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me feel much less melancholy about being single. I cohabited with divorced men who had kids twice, so got a taste of the selfishness - one of them was always stoned and playing with his friends in person, the other put his World of Warcraft addiction ahead of his kids and me both. I’m high libido, but lost all attraction in the face of that kind of childish crap. I suspect most women in largely sexless marriages are plenty interested in sex but disgusted by the man they’re with because he’s essentially another kid they have to look after - but a kid who can cause incredible harm in their lives.

I know some marriages are true love matches that remain mostly functional for the duration, but from my observations over half a century, it’s clear to me that women usually get the shaft and that’s why so many women don’t want the shaft anymore after the initial stages pass.

There is an easy simple answer to any woman is unattracted to her stoned-gamer-man-child husband: divorce him please we beg you !
Because if you choose to stay, do not complain about wherever his shaft winds up.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have been together 23 years. We have 2 kids that are still young. We are mid-40s. We still have sex a few times a week.

I'm often exhausted but I know I have to make the time. Our sex life is good. Sometimes we use toys but most important is that my husband likes to please me and will work hard to make sure I have an orgasm. You have to keep having sex to maintain intimacy and attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t you attracted to him OP? Sure we are both getting older, but attraction for me is more than looks. I’ve been married 20 years this fall. I’m still wildly attracted to my husband, and have a high drive. He makes me laugh and makes me want to connect with him physically.

DH won me over on effort and now the effort is all gone. We are both fit and physically attractive. DH is probably more handsome than when I met him at age 23. He does not make me laugh. In fact, I rarely even smile around him. He is a good provider and a good dad. The bar is just so low for being a good husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t you attracted to him OP? Sure we are both getting older, but attraction for me is more than looks. I’ve been married 20 years this fall. I’m still wildly attracted to my husband, and have a high drive. He makes me laugh and makes me want to connect with him physically.

DH won me over on effort and now the effort is all gone. We are both fit and physically attractive. DH is probably more handsome than when I met him at age 23. He does not make me laugh. In fact, I rarely even smile around him. He is a good provider and a good dad. The bar is just so low for being a good husband.

You basically described my DH except he is very funny. But I still don't want to have sex with him. If women were more honest with themselves, sex just isn't something you want with the same person after a while. What was new and exciting is not. That's great for men you can get aroused at a warm breeze, women can't.

And to the open marriage guy, I still let him have sex with me. Do I need to pretend on anonymous boards I love it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you already know what the choices are. Keep up the duty sex twice per week; give him a hall pass; get a divorce. Just make up your mind... and then don’t complain about your life choices.

2x per week?

Hahaha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me feel much less melancholy about being single. I cohabited with divorced men who had kids twice, so got a taste of the selfishness - one of them was always stoned and playing with his friends in person, the other put his World of Warcraft addiction ahead of his kids and me both. I’m high libido, but lost all attraction in the face of that kind of childish crap. I suspect most women in largely sexless marriages are plenty interested in sex but disgusted by the man they’re with because he’s essentially another kid they have to look after - but a kid who can cause incredible harm in their lives.

I know some marriages are true love matches that remain mostly functional for the duration, but from my observations over half a century, it’s clear to me that women usually get the shaft and that’s why so many women don’t want the shaft anymore after the initial stages pass.

This can work both ways. My DW is a royal PITA. By the end of the day I can't even bring myself to try to seduce her, even if she would be in the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16 years, 2 kids, 40s - ours is great. I'm not close to being menopausal and my H is still very loving and attentive, so these help a lot. Slowdown a little because he's on ADHD meds, but he's not taking them during the weekend.

Though your situation sounds pretty good, I had to laugh at the bolded. How would you know you are not close to being menopausal, and why would you assume that your sex life will be vastly different once you are?

DP. I’m perimenopausal and my sex drive has fallen off a cliff.

Like no amount of foreplay will help.