Sex life after 20 years together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't had sex in 5 years. It seems a shame to toss a 20 year relationship over sex, but there is just no attraction there and I'm not sure I can live this way anymore.

Wow, how do you cope? Five years is a long time.

I don't recall exactly the last time we had sex, I know Obama was still in office . I'm curious how others cope.

[Anonymous]

20yrs together, 17 of them married. No sex in the last five years.

[Anonymous]

You can get anecdotal responses but on average, most married couples that long have occasional maintenance sex, once or twice a month. About 20% have a good sex life and an equal amount have no sex life.

Sex and money are the top two reasons for conflict and divorce. Marriage is a wonderful institution for stability for finances and raising kids but generally a horrible one for a good sex life.

[Anonymous]

Well you already know what the choices are. Keep up the duty sex twice per week; give him a hall pass; get a divorce. Just make up your mind... and then don’t complain about your life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't had sex in 5 years. It seems a shame to toss a 20 year relationship over sex, but there is just no attraction there and I'm not sure I can live this way anymore.

... no sex “with each other” you meant. Let’s be honest: normal healthy men don’t remain celibate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We haven't had sex in 5 years. It seems a shame to toss a 20 year relationship over sex, but there is just no attraction there and I'm not sure I can live this way anymore.

... no sex “with each other” you meant. Let’s be honest: normal healthy men don’t remain celibate.

Some men have low T and no interest. I had no sex 8 out of 10 years. No cheating. Divorced. But I agree, NORMAL men can’t go without for 5 years.

[Anonymous]

20 years together with one teenager here. For us, it ranges between 1-3x per week. We’re both very fit and still attracted to each other. Overall, its pretty routine and conventional but very good. Every once in a while it gets crazy and its a lot if fun. Earlier in the pandemic when we couldn’t find time she did an impromptu striptease in the garage, f’d me in a camping chair and then on a weight bench. I never forget those fun times.

[Anonymous]

I'm just not attracted to him any more. But he was not interested in opening the marriage. so, 1-2x/week. Blah. It's fine sex, but I am not attracted to him at all.

[Anonymous]

29 years together, 22 of those married. We've had alot if ups and downs where at certain points he wouldn't want sex and vice versa but we trudged through it. We just had a discussion were I told him I was unsatisfied sexually and thankfully he understood and has stepped up his game to where were now doing it weekly compared to once or twice a month. It may or be weekly but quality is better than quantity at this point.

Have you thought about why your not attracted to him anymore or why you would rather not have sex. Have you sat down and really talked about your sex life and what you both want to get out of it?

[Anonymous]

DH here, married 18 years. 42. We're about three times a week. I'm pretty happy. I think she is with it. I do make sure she is satisfied during "foreplay," and it works probably 90% of the time. I don't know if we're doing something right, or we're just lucky.

[Anonymous]

Once a month, and even that is pretty by the numbers. She has body image issues and, so, doesn't want to do much of anything that would require her to move around and be more visible.

But, our family is solid; she's great in pretty much every other way; and I love her. So, the sex is a negative on a marital balance sheet that is overall very positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you already know what the choices are. Keep up the duty sex twice per week; give him a hall pass; get a divorce. Just make up your mind... and then don’t complain about your life choices.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We haven't had sex in 5 years. It seems a shame to toss a 20 year relationship over sex, but there is just no attraction there and I'm not sure I can live this way anymore.

... no sex “with each other” you meant. Let’s be honest: normal healthy men don’t remain celibate.

You haven't actually done any research on human sexuality, have you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It ebbed and flowed and I had a few years of duty sex.

But, we have always been very attracted to one another, stayed fit and I’m happy to report Covid has done us well and 24-years the passion is back. Several times per week. We have been doing Saturday nights out alone together at least twice a month.

Kids are older and that has helped now that we have more free time.

Long marriages have phases.

I hope this is then case. dH and I have been together almost 20 years, but we have 11 more years until we are empty nesters.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have been together 33 years. Married 30. We are very devoted parents and we committed to our family. No cheating or divorce was ever on the cards. Sex life has been fulfilling. I am a COVID long hauler and so the social distancing and the fatigue has done a number on our sex life since past one year. Right now, it is pretty sporadic. Around twice a month or so. I am hoping we get back to it after the vaccine kicks in. I really feel bad for DH who has not mentioned the lack of it till now and remains his usual sweet, helpful, devoted self.