Sex life after 20 years together

[Anonymous]

DH and I met when we were in grad school twenty years ago. We did everything right - studied hard, worked hard, fell in love, got married, bought a house, had 3 kids, vacation often and well, funding retirement and college funds.

Our family life is a well oiled machine but our relationship has just been meh lately. I am not attracted to DH at all. We are having sex less and less. I don’t even want to have sex with DH at all and I’m sure he can tell. Several of our friends are divorcing or having marital issues in their 40s.

What is your marriage like after 20 years and a couple of kids?

[Anonymous]

Approaching 18 years of monogamy here. We've had our ups and downs, and I wish we had more sex, but it's usually very hot when we do it. I've learned to appreciate the quality and accept the quantity situation.

-DH

[Anonymous]

Spice it up. Get some toys into the mix. Game changer,

-Married 30 yrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spice it up. Get some toys into the mix. Game changer,

-Married 30 yrs.

22:58 again

We use toys almost every time. Have for over a decade I think.

Also get this https://www.adameve.com/sexy-extras/liberators-position-aids/sp-liberator-wedge-7399.aspx

[Anonymous]

It ebbed and flowed and I had a few years of duty sex.

But, we have always been very attracted to one another, stayed fit and I’m happy to report Covid has done us well and 24-years the passion is back. Several times per week. We have been doing Saturday nights out alone together at least twice a month.

Kids are older and that has helped now that we have more free time.

Long marriages have phases.

[Anonymous]

16 years, 2 kids, 40s - ours is great. I'm not close to being menopausal and my H is still very loving and attentive, so these help a lot. Slowdown a little because he's on ADHD meds, but he's not taking them during the weekend.

[Anonymous]

We haven't had sex in 5 years. It seems a shame to toss a 20 year relationship over sex, but there is just no attraction there and I'm not sure I can live this way anymore.

[Anonymous]

15 years married, 20 years together and our sex life is very infrequent and stale. Maybe 2x a month on a good month but usually once and only because he pushes for it. Sometimes I enjoy it but I could go without. I am not sexually attracted to him but it is not his fault, he's attractive but it feels like we are friends and platonic

He always tries to spice it up but I just want to be left alone. Quickies are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 years, 2 kids, 40s - ours is great. I'm not close to being menopausal and my H is still very loving and attentive, so these help a lot. Slowdown a little because he's on ADHD meds, but he's not taking them during the weekend.

Though your situation sounds pretty good, I had to laugh at the bolded. How would you know you are not close to being menopausal, and why would you assume that your sex life will be vastly different once you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met when we were in grad school twenty years ago. We did everything right - studied hard, worked hard, fell in love, got married, bought a house, had 3 kids, vacation often and well, funding retirement and college funds.

Our family life is a well oiled machine but our relationship has just been meh lately. I am not attracted to DH at all. We are having sex less and less. I don’t even want to have sex with DH at all and I’m sure he can tell. Several of our friends are divorcing or having marital issues in their 40s.

What is your marriage like after 20 years and a couple of kids?

About a third of couples at that point have sex once a month or less. It's normal and it's depressing. Now you know why so many people have affairs or divorce.

It's easy to become complacent. Heck z I know why so many women don't care where their DH gets it from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Approaching 18 years of monogamy here. We've had our ups and downs, and I wish we had more sex, but it's usually very hot when we do it. I've learned to appreciate the quality and accept the quantity situation.

-DH

I could have written this as a DH who is 20 years in. It's hard at times for me to accept the frequency, or lack thereof, but I know of no good alternative.

[Anonymous]

19 years, 3 kids here. Our sex life has been close to non-existent for most of our marriage. I suspect that she was feigning interest in sex early on and eventually decided she didn't need to do that any more. Combined with early menopause, other health problems, and a resulting mix of medications, we have sex only very rarely (probably twice since Covid and not yet in 2021).

[Anonymous]

Go on a swinger’s cruise. Can participate or not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go on a swinger’s cruise. Can participate or not

Glad it works for you. But I do not want to see average looking old people banging and I KNOW that my wife doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go on a swinger’s cruise. Can participate or not

I don't see a DW posting this kind of response so I'll assume you are a DH.

How was your DW when you met her? Was she adventurous, promiscuous, tatted up, etc? How would you spot a woman like her? These are sincerely serious questions.

For the life of me, I can not fathom any DW in my social circle wanting to go on a swinger's cruise. As a DH, I am envious of DH's like you that have active sex lives and adventurous ones at that!