What was your alimony arrangement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

I don’t understand how this is possible. Traditionally, alimony is deductible to the payer and taxable to the recipient.
I don’t see the IRS allowing anyone to get $5k a month, essentially forever, tax free.

The law changed last year. The payer now pays the taxes.

Only for new divorces. Old ones alimony is still tax free

PP. I forgot about the change in the tax law. Thanks for reminding me.
To other poster above, I don’t think so. At least for me, I pay alimony and continue to deduct it. I list ex’s SS # as the payee and she claims it as income. We are NYS residents, if that matters. The good part, for me, is that due to my tax bracket my deduction is greater than her tax due. Thank god for small favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a recent thread, some posters said they didn't get any alimony, others were set for life, and still others got it for a few years while they found a job or went to school. (This is separate from child support.)

Nearly 20 years
Insane infidelity
I was a SAHM
No
Judge. Indefinite alimony for life.

[Anonymous]

None.
In my state, it's either equitable distribution of ex-spouse's business interest or alimony. One can not 'double dip' and have both.
So I got half of his business valuation (for which I did a lot of uncompensated tech work).
This was better than alimony which would have dried up after a few years because it is expected that a well-educated person should be capable of finding a job.

[Anonymous]

Ex-wife here.

14 year marriage
I pay $2500 for 5 years
Also pay child support

I did most of the parenting and worked my ass off after he abruptly quit his well-paying job and then pursued various “startups” that all failed over 7 years. None were viable, but he would get irate if I ever suggested returning to the corporate world. He also continued to spend as if he still had his job and his alcoholism became worse. At the time we separated, he had very little income, but during the course of our divorce proceedings got a decent job. It pissed him off that I made 3X more than he did. I probably could have gone to court and hired experts to prove he was willfully under employed, but I just agreed to pay in the interests of having a lower conflict divorce. It pisses me off every month to write that check, but I am so much happier without his alcoholic, narcissistic shadow hanging over me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

My Sister lives in CA and was married for 21 yrs.
She gets 1/2 of her ex-husband’s salary and 401K for the rest of her life unless she remarries.
And she doesn’t have to file taxes on any of it.

But since her ex does file income tax, he gets the stimulus money since he claims their three kids as dependents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

My Sister lives in CA and was married for 21 yrs.
She gets 1/2 of her ex-husband’s salary and 401K for the rest of her life unless she remarries.
And she doesn’t have to file taxes on any of it.

But since her ex does file income tax, he gets the stimulus money since he claims their three kids as dependents.

He would not be getting stimulus money at his salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex-wife here.

14 year marriage
I pay $2500 for 5 years
Also pay child support

I did most of the parenting and worked my ass off after he abruptly quit his well-paying job and then pursued various “startups” that all failed over 7 years. None were viable, but he would get irate if I ever suggested returning to the corporate world. He also continued to spend as if he still had his job and his alcoholism became worse. At the time we separated, he had very little income, but during the course of our divorce proceedings got a decent job. It pissed him off that I made 3X more than he did. I probably could have gone to court and hired experts to prove he was willfully under employed, but I just agreed to pay in the interests of having a lower conflict divorce. It pisses me off every month to write that check, but I am so much happier without his alcoholic, narcissistic shadow hanging over me!

You pay child support? So, he got custody of the kids? I feelike there is a lot missing in this story.

[Anonymous]

Man here. Was married 19 years. When I divorced, got full custody of the kids. Had to pay her alimony to make her go away. Didn't get any child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

This was roughly what I was entitled to, but only a 14 year marriage. Sahm, three kids. He averaged $270,000 over the marriage but made $500,000 in a banner year the year we split.

He cut off all access to cash etc when he left. I had a job within 4 mos (after 11 years home raising kids)- and I got incredibly lucky. By the time we went to settlement 2 years after he split, I was earning just under $400,000. No alimony. Gotta tell you- he’s a hateful crazy narcissist and him Stroking that alimony check each month would have been absolute insanity. I’m much happier getting my 24,000 a month in my own income and directly contributing to my own retirement. I am so proud that after 11 years home raising our three kids while travelled and was not often around, I am able to 100% stand on my own.

Typo. I’m making 34,000 a month. Sales.

You do understand that you whatever opportunity you got is not available to 99.9% of long term SAHMs. Your comment is pretty out of touch.

Since PP said she got “incredibly lucky” it seems like she does understand.

Thank goodness she corrected her salary typo so we all understand just how lucky she got.

I knew someone would jump on me for the math that didn’t work, that’s all.

Okay, if that’s true, I post as the .01%, since the question was asked about sahm and divorce. What is your divorce story, oh bitter one?

I shared my experience and my gratitude. If I shared about taking the alimony this board would call me a lazy loser. Women- YOU CANNOT WIN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$0
10 year marriage
The reason does not matter (no fault)
There are spousal support calculators in Va or ask an attorney (it is math)
If I left when I wanted when I was not working, it would have been $3,000 a month; I went back to work though and then it was $0. It was math
He earns double my salary
Kids would have suffered financially if he had to pay me alimony. They did not if I went back to work—so that is what I did
Most divorces do not go to court (only 5%); alimony is math but can be worked out differently in the agreement in mediation or with attorneys

Are you guys civil toward each other? This is an interesting arrangement to me because it seems really ideal. I’m a stay at home mom and if I got divorced I would want something like this. How do you feel about it?

I am not quite sure what you are asking. Yes, we are civil. We would be civil no matter what--we have kids. I do not understand how people with kids who are divorced are okay with NOT being civil. I got $0 in alimony but I went back to work like I said. That was in the best financial interest for me long-term anyway. Our kids will not suffer. He kept the house. He could not have kept the house and pay me alimony. It was more important to me that we retain as much wealth for the kids as possible. I could not afford the mortgage by myself. He could have afforded a smaller house but then that effects the kids...it did not make sense to pay me alimony and have us both living in much smaller properties as a result. It made more sense for one of us (the one with more income) to retain the house and the other to get a smaller property. I feel like the divorce had to be done. I don't really feel anything about it. Yes, I am annoyed I put all the down payment in the house from my savings but I could have have afforded to keep it in a divorce because I could not pay the mortgage. I did get some money, of course, but it annoys me more that we bought the house to begin with because you never get all of that back even if you are the one who earned it to put in. We are civil. I feel like we did the best thing for the kids. I am actually proud of us for managing to divorce without it having much impact on them financially at all. Most divorcing couples can't do that. We still save the same for their college. My kids' lifestyle is the same. Mine is less. But I could not stay married (it was never good, empty and felt like a show. No nice house is worth the emotional emptiness of being in a bad marriage.)

You sound like me PP. I went back to work, kids will be okay, I just want to make sure I’m set so not a burden on them.

[Anonymous]

Married 22 years. Kids all grown. Ex was a SAHM. Alimony for 16 years @ $2150.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 12 years, together 22.
He makes 190k, I make 95k.
We agreed to 10 years of alimony payments that are based on our respective salaries and will be recalculated annually. At the moment, it's 1400/month.
He was cheating on me with men, so there was some guilt involved that probably made him more willing to help me out.

I was getting zero alimony with these exact numbers. Married 10 years. What state are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None.
In my state, it's either equitable distribution of ex-spouse's business interest or alimony. One can not 'double dip' and have both.
So I got half of his business valuation (for which I did a lot of uncompensated tech work).
This was better than alimony which would have dried up after a few years because it is expected that a well-educated person should be capable of finding a job.

what state is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$0
10 year marriage
The reason does not matter (no fault)
There are spousal support calculators in Va or ask an attorney (it is math)
If I left when I wanted when I was not working, it would have been $3,000 a month; I went back to work though and then it was $0. It was math
He earns double my salary
Kids would have suffered financially if he had to pay me alimony. They did not if I went back to work—so that is what I did
Most divorces do not go to court (only 5%); alimony is math but can be worked out differently in the agreement in mediation or with attorneys

Are you guys civil toward each other? This is an interesting arrangement to me because it seems really ideal. I’m a stay at home mom and if I got divorced I would want something like this. How do you feel about it?

How is this ideal? I got zero alimony. I went back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

This was roughly what I was entitled to, but only a 14 year marriage. Sahm, three kids. He averaged $270,000 over the marriage but made $500,000 in a banner year the year we split.

He cut off all access to cash etc when he left. I had a job within 4 mos (after 11 years home raising kids)- and I got incredibly lucky. By the time we went to settlement 2 years after he split, I was earning just under $400,000. No alimony. Gotta tell you- he’s a hateful crazy narcissist and him Stroking that alimony check each month would have been absolute insanity. I’m much happier getting my 24,000 a month in my own income and directly contributing to my own retirement. I am so proud that after 11 years home raising our three kids while travelled and was not often around, I am able to 100% stand on my own.

Dying to hear how you went from not working for 11 years to earning $400K?