What was your alimony arrangement?

[Anonymous]

$0
Married for 8 years, 2 kids (50/50 custody), I was making about 15% less, but was on the upward trajectory in my career.

I got more home equity because I originally contributed more. Also got $1K per month per kid - I was paying for childcare and most other kids’ expenses.

All agreed upon in mediation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

What was HHI at end of marriage?

$700,000

Does this change is wife remarries?

Yes, No alimony if I remarry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Does this change is wife remarries?

I’m not an expert on divorce but every person I know that pays, or receives, alimony has a clause that payments stop when the receiving spouse remarries OR cohabitates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM
Married 24 years
$10,000 a month for ten years
$8,000 a month for five years
$5,000 a month for life
This is tax free

What was HHI at end of marriage?

$700,000

Does this change is wife remarries?

Yes, No alimony if I remarry.

What’s the incentive to remarry then? Isn’t this why divorcees just cohabitate and never remarry?

[Anonymous]

I'm the 10:07 PP. Alimony pauses if I cohabitate with someone but resumes if we break up still within the 10-year period. Ends permanently if I remarry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a recent thread, some posters said they didn't get any alimony, others were set for life, and still others got it for a few years while they found a job or went to school. (This is separate from child support.)

How long were you married? 30 years
What was the reason for the divorce -- i.e., did it factor into the alimony calculation? "Irreconcilable differences" and no factor in alimony calculation
What was the difference between your income and spouse's income? I was the husband and my income was 3X my wife’s.
Do you regret the amount you settled on? Not at all. Why would I? We were married 30 years, she certainly deserved what she got.
Was your alimony agreed upon in mediation or did a judge decide?

Mediation and we followed the NYS guidelines of support which meant for 10 years of monthly payments plus 1/2 of marital assets. I also gave her my 1/2 of our home’s equity, which had no mortgage.

Curious, what % of your monthly income is her alimony payment? Was she a SAHM?

I don’t recall the %, but it was definitely a calculation based on difference of income and then a % of that difference. My divorce was 9 years ago and I just sent her her 2021 payment in one lump (rather than a monthly check) to help her out of a cash flow shortfall. We remain in a cordial friendship. Not besties, but certainly not enemies. Good person.

so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

Really? That was per NYS guidelines in place at the time and I was advised that, in consideration of my giving up my 1/2 of the house, we could knock either the monthly amount or the # of years down. I declined.
Today, as I understand it, in NYS alimony is less generous than it used to be. Ymmv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

Really? That was per NYS guidelines in place at the time and I was advised that, in consideration of my giving up my 1/2 of the house, we could knock either the monthly amount or the # of years down. I declined.
Today, as I understand it, in NYS alimony is less generous than it used to be. Ymmv.

OK so wasn't house part of joint assets if you were married 30 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$0
10 year marriage
The reason does not matter (no fault)
There are spousal support calculators in Va or ask an attorney (it is math)
If I left when I wanted when I was not working, it would have been $3,000 a month; I went back to work though and then it was $0. It was math
He earns double my salary
Kids would have suffered financially if he had to pay me alimony. They did not if I went back to work—so that is what I did
Most divorces do not go to court (only 5%); alimony is math but can be worked out differently in the agreement in mediation or with attorneys

Are you guys civil toward each other? This is an interesting arrangement to me because it seems really ideal. I’m a stay at home mom and if I got divorced I would want something like this. How do you feel about it?

I am not quite sure what you are asking. Yes, we are civil. We would be civil no matter what--we have kids. I do not understand how people with kids who are divorced are okay with NOT being civil. I got $0 in alimony but I went back to work like I said. That was in the best financial interest for me long-term anyway. Our kids will not suffer. He kept the house. He could not have kept the house and pay me alimony. It was more important to me that we retain as much wealth for the kids as possible. I could not afford the mortgage by myself. He could have afforded a smaller house but then that effects the kids...it did not make sense to pay me alimony and have us both living in much smaller properties as a result. It made more sense for one of us (the one with more income) to retain the house and the other to get a smaller property. I feel like the divorce had to be done. I don't really feel anything about it. Yes, I am annoyed I put all the down payment in the house from my savings but I could have have afforded to keep it in a divorce because I could not pay the mortgage. I did get some money, of course, but it annoys me more that we bought the house to begin with because you never get all of that back even if you are the one who earned it to put in. We are civil. I feel like we did the best thing for the kids. I am actually proud of us for managing to divorce without it having much impact on them financially at all. Most divorcing couples can't do that. We still save the same for their college. My kids' lifestyle is the same. Mine is less. But I could not stay married (it was never good, empty and felt like a show. No nice house is worth the emotional emptiness of being in a bad marriage.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

Really? That was per NYS guidelines in place at the time and I was advised that, in consideration of my giving up my 1/2 of the house, we could knock either the monthly amount or the # of years down. I declined.
Today, as I understand it, in NYS alimony is less generous than it used to be. Ymmv.

OK so wasn't house part of joint assets if you were married 30 years?

Of course. We had a 50/50 division of joint assets. I declined my 1/2 of the house in order to allow her to keep it. I took nothing in place of that equity.
Not sure what your questioning.

[Anonymous]

10 year marriage

$2000/month on top of child support, for 5 years

Alimony was calculated for years I was either out of the work force or not in my primary field due to being a trailing spouse

Cause of divorce was infidelity (his)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

Really? That was per NYS guidelines in place at the time and I was advised that, in consideration of my giving up my 1/2 of the house, we could knock either the monthly amount or the # of years down. I declined.
Today, as I understand it, in NYS alimony is less generous than it used to be. Ymmv.

OK so wasn't house part of joint assets if you were married 30 years?

Of course. We had a 50/50 division of joint assets. I declined my 1/2 of the house in order to allow her to keep it. I took nothing in place of that equity.
Not sure what your questioning.

Understood and not questioning anything (just clarifying for my understanding). I can't believe she took that in place of lifetime of alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

Really? That was per NYS guidelines in place at the time and I was advised that, in consideration of my giving up my 1/2 of the house, we could knock either the monthly amount or the # of years down. I declined.
Today, as I understand it, in NYS alimony is less generous than it used to be. Ymmv.

OK so wasn't house part of joint assets if you were married 30 years?

Of course. We had a 50/50 division of joint assets. I declined my 1/2 of the house in order to allow her to keep it. I took nothing in place of that equity.
Not sure what your questioning.

Understood and not questioning anything (just clarifying for my understanding). I can't believe she took that in place of lifetime of alimony.

I am not the PP you are responding to but alimony is not usually for life...not anymore. It's usually temporary--a set number years. This is not the 1980s. Those days are over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so only 10 years of alimony for 30 years of marriage? This is surprising.

Really? That was per NYS guidelines in place at the time and I was advised that, in consideration of my giving up my 1/2 of the house, we could knock either the monthly amount or the # of years down. I declined.
Today, as I understand it, in NYS alimony is less generous than it used to be. Ymmv.

OK so wasn't house part of joint assets if you were married 30 years?

Of course. We had a 50/50 division of joint assets. I declined my 1/2 of the house in order to allow her to keep it. I took nothing in place of that equity.
Not sure what your questioning.

Understood and not questioning anything (just clarifying for my understanding). I can't believe she took that in place of lifetime of alimony.

I am not the PP you are responding to but alimony is not usually for life...not anymore. It's usually temporary--a set number years. This is not the 1980s. Those days are over.

Correct. I’m the PP from above and lifetime alimony was never part of the equation in my situation. I suppose she could have asked for it but it was never going to happen in a NYS court in 2012.

[Anonymous]

The law should limit all alimony in proportion to how many hours per week does the recipient work vs the payer. Under no circumstances should an unemployed human be paid to do nothing by their WORKING ex spouse. Get a JOB people!