Sometimes I wonder if my husband is gay...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've just always had a weird feeling about him. He has never been very sexual. I was a virgin until we married and the sex is ok but not very frequent and he doesn't seem that enthusiastic. From what I know all his past exes were women and I haven't seen him watch gay porn. He does have guy friends and one close gay guy friend who I hang out with too. I notice he usually seems to clench up around new men he meets and I can't tell if its because he is shy or something else.

I will walk around him naked and he isn't very sexually motivated.


Any other red flags to look for?

So he’s not sexual?

Or he is sexual just in other ways you think (porn, mags, outside the home, suppressed gay)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that your choice to remain a virgin until marriage played a big role in you marrying a sexual dud. Remember all those guys you dated who quickly broke up over your no-sex policy? Well there is a reason for that. Normal guys with a normal sex drive do not / can not / would not "wait until marriage". And the guys who DO are (like you said) just not sexually motivated. In other words, you purposefully picked a dud and now question why he is a dud?

As a consolation, you have bragging rights that while all your lady friends are making excuses and running away from their horn-dog husbands, you can peacefully scroll DCUM in the nude.

This is spot on. OP - were you and DH sexually active with each other before marriage - even though you didn’t have sex technically? Or was he hands off before marriage as well?

OP here. Yes. We were pretty active for the first 5-6 years we were together. He couldn't keep his hands off me and we would do everything except PIV. Being a virgin, thats all I knew and it was a fantastic time. I was never NOT sexual...I just had cultural and religious hangups to wait until marriage.

After I lost my virginity, I want sex more than ever. To enjoy it and to connect with him in that way. Meanwhile he...doesn't seem to want to touch me sexually. He still gives me lots of kisses and hugs if we are around each other but he turns me down everytime I initiate. It has been 3 months since we last had sex.

PP here. Ok that's a very different story vs what your OP led me to believe. I retract my statements about you picking a known dud. Instead, what we seem to have is a bait and switch scenario, is that more accurate? He showed (reasonably satisfying) interest earlier but now he could care less about sex?

Based on this, my revised advice would be to escalate this big time, make it a total relationship deal breaker. Ask him what changes (exactly) are needed for him to be an active participant in having a normal regular sex life with you twice per week. If he is uninterested, then your options are to open the marriage or divorce.

[Anonymous]

It’s okay if he’s gay, you should have a gay man smoke him out of the closet.

[Anonymous]

Have a gay man sniff his azz.

[Anonymous]

He might just not be very sexual and he might have picked you in part because he thought you might not be very sexual either. "Virgin until marriage" sometimes means the person isn't that into sex.

[Anonymous]

No one has said this, but might he be having performance issues?

Also do you have kids? Did your body change post kids and he possibly have issues with the post partum changes?

If you both dont have kids, and you want them, you'll need to have sex.

Also any possibility that he has cheated (male or female)?

[Anonymous]

I wish my DW wanted sex from me.

Anyway he's either high functioning autistic or gay. Try hitting him with a BJ first thing in the morning, if he pushes you off it's time to call it.

Now if you'll excuse me it's time to get my nightly rejection.

[Anonymous]

Here’ the perfect conversation starter. Good luck!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/uk.news.yahoo.com/amphtml/lincoln-project-co-founder-resigns-101139784.html

[Anonymous]

I too sometimes wonder if your husband is gay. Crazy how we think alike. Call me?

[Anonymous]

If you have to ask, the answer is yes. You already know this. The thread should be about when you’re going to face it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my DW wanted sex from me.

Anyway he's either high functioning autistic or gay. Try hitting him with a BJ first thing in the morning, if he pushes you off it's time to call it.

Now if you'll excuse me it's time to get my nightly rejection.

Wow... If you were my wife, I would reciprocate. 69

[Anonymous]

Not respecting women at all. Homophobia. I truly think my exH has a lot of gay of tendencies. After we divorced the only friend of mine that he's kept in touch with is my (former) gay friend. He used him to try to get information out of me about who I was seeing/what I was doing after the divorce. It was odd that my exH would maintain that particular friendship and that my former friend who had always been like a brother to me would suddenly switch sides on me. They are both very odd people.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like what he likes is virgins. Non-virgins don't turn him on. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've just always had a weird feeling about him. He has never been very sexual. I was a virgin until we married and the sex is ok but not very frequent and he doesn't seem that enthusiastic. From what I know all his past exes were women and I haven't seen him watch gay porn. He does have guy friends and one close gay guy friend who I hang out with too. I notice he usually seems to clench up around new men he meets and I can't tell if its because he is shy or something else.

I will walk around him naked and he isn't very sexually motivated.


Any other red flags to look for?

Trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be reading way too much into this, but I'm guessing the two of you might be from conservative/religious families, since you mentioned being a virgin when you married. With that assumption:

He may not have come out to himself yet. He literally may not be able to admit to himself that he's gay. When you spend your formative years hearing that being gay is evil and you will burn in hell, you convince yourself that you are straight. When every example of being happy and successful is a heterosexual marriage with several kids, you can bury any same sex attraction and work to meet the clear expectations that have been laid out for you.

This was my experience until my mid-30's, and I know several other people who went through the same thing. When I finally was able to admit to myself that I was gay, a lot of things clicked into place, but it still took several years before I was ready to admit it to anyone else.

Alternatively, could he be depressed? That can do a number on your sex drive.

Yes, he grew up in a very catholic home and his parents are big republicans. He always is verbally aggressive about letting everyone know how he feels about "the gays"

Have you watched Broke Back Mountain? Is that the right movie name?
But he has a very food gay friend??! Yeah they are probably FWB. Are they ever alone together?