How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on what she is wearing. I’ve never seen a cleaning woman wear leather pants or low cut top. She works for you. If it bothers you mention it gently. She is your employee.

Wrong she is not your employee. OP is her customer. She is an independent business/contractor.

That is really the kicker here. OP, if you want to hire her as a employee, you can provide her a uniform or give a dress code; depending on what you request she might be able to deduct the cost of the uniform as a work expense. But you may also have to pay FICA taxes, unemployment insurance, worker's comp, give paid leave, etc.

If you don't want her to be your employee (or she doesn't want to) then she wears what she likes. You are free to hire a different housecleaner if you prefer.

[Anonymous]

For example, a cross between these two things, both marketed as workout wear by Old Navy:

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=646824122&vid=1&tid=onpl000017&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg9fDjcGC7gIVxqeGCh1ngwkfEAQYAiABEgKlcfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=552837112&vid=2&tid=onpl000028&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIje7ew8GC7gIVpeiGCh0nDANYEAQYASABEgI59vD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really not trying to body shame. For example, I don't care if someone is wearing a two piece bikini at the pool. But its a little weird for someone to wear something you would wear to the club while cleaning a house. I'm not talking about her wearing yoga pants and sleeveless tops, I'm talking about leather pants and such.

As a fellow Christian raised by extremely strict parents, I am asking you to have compassion on her. Cleaning ladies are very far from the top of the social ladder. I can, as a woman of color, understand that a person doing this work might feel the need to emphasize her femininity and attractiveness. Just this weekend the kids and I were reading in Matthew 7-8 about the criticism that the choice of Jesus to dine with known "publicans and sinners" attracted from others in the community. I would want to build trust with her and then -- if she is a young person who may not be fully aware of the impact her sartorial choices on potential employers and others -- gently raise the issue, not out of a wish to impose my standards on her but to cause reflect in a way that may ultimately help her achieve her life goals.

Why are you assuming OP is Christian? Didn’t she just say conservative/religious?

Not PP. There are very few religious groups in the US that feel like they have the social/political power to impose their modesty rules on people who aren't part of their religious tradition. Christians are one of them. Orthodox Jews living in specific predominantly Orthodox communities are another (look at female bikers being harassed in Williamsburg for an example).

Since we don't really have much of an Orthodox community in DC, it stands to reason that OP is Christian.

DP. There is a large orthodox community in DC. I think you are confusing them with Hasidic.

While there is an Orthodox community in the DC area, I can't imagine that anyone from this community would ask this question on DCUM. As an Orthodox Jew myself, I think they'd just ask people in their own community or on an Orthodox forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm picturing a woman wearing a workout type camisole (but having big boobs, so has cleavage where others wouldn't), plus leggings that happen to have that shiny/wet look and some sheer cutouts.

Not to say that the OP can't feel uncomfortable with such an outfit (what she does with that discomfort is a different issue). But just that I doubt the cleaner is dressed for a "club," which almost requires intent to do so-- more that she is wearing athleisure associated with teens and young women, and the OP can't distinguish these things because OP is unfamiliar with clubwear, etc.

Again, regardless of how it's classified, the OP may feel uncomfortable with the tightness and skin showing-- but I do think the actual cleaner is not wearing clothes designed for "clubs," which would be weirder IMO.

Yeah, that's what I imagined, too. She's not wearing sweaty pleather pants to scrub toilets, she's wearing leggings and tank tops.

And no, you can't ask her to wear more modest clothing. She's not your employee, and she probably thinks her clothes are fine for her job. Which, they are. Snug fitting clothes are better for deep cleaning than loose, baggy ones. I always wear tanks or short sleeves when cleaning, too, to avoid wet shirt cuffs. If you don't like her clothes, you can hire a new cleaner, or you can suck it up.

[Anonymous]

This seems to me like a reasonable request, particularly if you let it be known that you like her and will continue to employ her either way. Most people want to fit in.
I once had a nanny with tattooed sleeves. I told her that she might want to wear long sleeves or a jacket when she went to pick up our daughter from a conservative church preschool. It was fine with me either way, but it might make it harder to chat with the moms there if she is dressed so differently.

[Anonymous]

Two key points made above, which +100:

- she's not your employee, and you're not her employer. Hence she can wear whatever she wants, and you can choose to cancel her services if it's so important to you. But if you want to dictate what she wears, you are required to comply with all laws relating to employer/employee relationships, including filing, withholding her income and social security taxes from her paychecks, and also paying from your own income the employer share of taxes. You would also be subject to other laws relating to employers, including labor laws. You don't want to deal with that hassle? Then let the poor woman wear what she wants.

- There's no way she's wearing "leather" pants and club wear. She's wearing low income athleisure/polyester. Shiny leggings, and lots of tight clothes with cutouts. This is what young and/or poor people wear, especially cleaning women who need lots of flexibility in their clothes. OP needs to get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems to me like a reasonable request, particularly if you let it be known that you like her and will continue to employ her either way. Most people want to fit in.
I once had a nanny with tattooed sleeves. I told her that she might want to wear long sleeves or a jacket when she went to pick up our daughter from a conservative church preschool. It was fine with me either way, but it might make it harder to chat with the moms there if she is dressed so differently.

Fit in? She's in OP's house, literally cleaning up her shit. She doesn't want to chat with other people, she wants to do her job and get paid. This isn't a social scene she wants to crack.

If you tell her you want her to wear other clothes when she cleans your house, be prepared for her to say no, or stop working for you. If you asked it of me, I'd ask you to provide the clothing. I'm not buying special clothes to clean your toilets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to me like a reasonable request, particularly if you let it be known that you like her and will continue to employ her either way. Most people want to fit in.
I once had a nanny with tattooed sleeves. I told her that she might want to wear long sleeves or a jacket when she went to pick up our daughter from a conservative church preschool. It was fine with me either way, but it might make it harder to chat with the moms there if she is dressed so differently.

Fit in? She's in OP's house, literally cleaning up her shit. She doesn't want to chat with other people, she wants to do her job and get paid. This isn't a social scene she wants to crack.

If you tell her you want her to wear other clothes when she cleans your house, be prepared for her to say no, or stop working for you. If you asked it of me, I'd ask you to provide the clothing. I'm not buying special clothes to clean your toilets.

Everyone I have ever hired to help clean likes to chat about their lives, their kids, etc, while we clean. I’m not sure why the people you hire are so anxious to get in and out of your home. Maybe you aren’t welcoming and kind? Maybe you are too busy to talk to domestic help?

[Anonymous]

What's the problem with finding another cleaner that meets your dress code? Is the issue that you like the price and service, but want to add further requirements? Expect to pay more if you need something particular.

[Anonymous]

OF course you can ask, OP. Most of DCUM completely ignores their cleaning lady and has no interaction other than leaving out a check on the counter. So they can’t understand why it would matter to you what she looks like or wears.
If it’s important to you that she is comfortable around you and your family and vice versa, then of course you can mention that you prefer people dress modestly in your home.

[Anonymous]

Nope. It's time to learn to see someone else's body and just avert your eyes and say a prayer to Jesus in YOUR MIND and then move along with your day.

Your modesty only gets to dictate what YOU wear. Not what anyone else wears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to me like a reasonable request, particularly if you let it be known that you like her and will continue to employ her either way. Most people want to fit in.
I once had a nanny with tattooed sleeves. I told her that she might want to wear long sleeves or a jacket when she went to pick up our daughter from a conservative church preschool. It was fine with me either way, but it might make it harder to chat with the moms there if she is dressed so differently.

Fit in? She's in OP's house, literally cleaning up her shit. She doesn't want to chat with other people, she wants to do her job and get paid. This isn't a social scene she wants to crack.

If you tell her you want her to wear other clothes when she cleans your house, be prepared for her to say no, or stop working for you. If you asked it of me, I'd ask you to provide the clothing. I'm not buying special clothes to clean your toilets.

Everyone I have ever hired to help clean likes to chat about their lives, their kids, etc, while we clean. I’m not sure why the people you hire are so anxious to get in and out of your home. Maybe you aren’t welcoming and kind? Maybe you are too busy to talk to domestic help?

I clean my own house. And I have family members who worked as housecleaners. So nice try. The point stands -- the PP talked about how people want to "fit in," as if OP would be doing the woman some kind of favor by giving her tips for how to dress to fit in with, who? The other moms at the conservative church preschool? OP's family? Maybe she likes to chat with OP, maybe not. But OP should not pretend that she's helping the cleaning lady "fit in." I bet the cleaning lady fits in with her own social circle just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OF course you can ask, OP. Most of DCUM completely ignores their cleaning lady and has no interaction other than leaving out a check on the counter. So they can’t understand why it would matter to you what she looks like or wears.
If it’s important to you that she is comfortable around you and your family and vice versa, then of course you can mention that you prefer people dress modestly in your home.

You can mention it, just be prepared for her to tell you that she prefers to dress the way she does. And/or feel offended that you told her she was not modest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OF course you can ask, OP. Most of DCUM completely ignores their cleaning lady and has no interaction other than leaving out a check on the counter. So they can’t understand why it would matter to you what she looks like or wears.
If it’s important to you that she is comfortable around you and your family and vice versa, then of course you can mention that you prefer people dress modestly in your home.

A cleaner is there to do a job, get in/out, and on to the next place. Time is money and they aren't there to chit chat. A full time house keeper or nanny is different than hiring someone once a week for a few hours. It's like asking the cable man to chit chat and dress modestly. Let her wear what she wants. Even if you were to provide a uniform it would be weird. She's on to the next house, and would have to change. I wouldn't want to go to the grocery store or handle other chores in my work uniform, all to appease one client.

If it bothers OP so much she needs to find someone else to clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to me like a reasonable request, particularly if you let it be known that you like her and will continue to employ her either way. Most people want to fit in.
I once had a nanny with tattooed sleeves. I told her that she might want to wear long sleeves or a jacket when she went to pick up our daughter from a conservative church preschool. It was fine with me either way, but it might make it harder to chat with the moms there if she is dressed so differently.

Fit in? She's in OP's house, literally cleaning up her shit. She doesn't want to chat with other people, she wants to do her job and get paid. This isn't a social scene she wants to crack.

If you tell her you want her to wear other clothes when she cleans your house, be prepared for her to say no, or stop working for you. If you asked it of me, I'd ask you to provide the clothing. I'm not buying special clothes to clean your toilets.

Everyone I have ever hired to help clean likes to chat about their lives, their kids, etc, while we clean. I’m not sure why the people you hire are so anxious to get in and out of your home. Maybe you aren’t welcoming and kind? Maybe you are too busy to talk to domestic help?

I clean my own house. And I have family members who worked as housecleaners. So nice try. The point stands -- the PP talked about how people want to "fit in," as if OP would be doing the woman some kind of favor by giving her tips for how to dress to fit in with, who? The other moms at the conservative church preschool? OP's family? Maybe she likes to chat with OP, maybe not. But OP should not pretend that she's helping the cleaning lady "fit in." I bet the cleaning lady fits in with her own social circle just fine.

So you have no idea what you are talking about since you have never been on either end of this equation. Why did you even chime in?