What made you stay in a marriage if you were no longer physically attracted to spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so if you accept you are no longer attracted to your spouse because they let themselves go, do you still have an active sex life or just coexist as friend? How to you make yourself feel ok about having sex with someone that's very obese if you're dawn to people on the thinner side?

I have the opposite issue. I am attracted to more muscular men, and my DH has lost roughly 40-50 lbs since we were married. Really though, I prefer that he is home with me and the kids instead of going to the gym every day, and I prefer that he eats meals with us rather than high caloric density foods and protein shakes.

And of course I still have sex with him. I still love him and it still feels good. As far as feeling ok about it, I don’t know how you could feel ok about refusing sex with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to this question is: vows. Also, I am a female and it doesn’t matter too much if I am attracted to him or not. The sex can still occur regardless. I guess you’re talking to men?

I’m a female and I don’t think I could have sex with my DH if he gained a lot of weight. It’s just not attractive to me. I also wouldn’t expect him to be attracted to me if I gained a lot of weight.

You couldn’t do it?

Because you would be angry and want to punish him? Or because you can’t do anything unless it’s perfect? Or because you are just that big of a princess? How hard is it to have sex with someone you love and trust, who is the father of your children, and who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with? What kind of human cannot accomplish this?

[Anonymous]

She’s a multimillionaire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage is about a lot more than physical attraction. It's mutual support and empathy, shared experiences, friendship, comfort, and affection. We understand and help each other. He's a good father. He forgives me when I mess up. He does nice things for me to make my day easier, and I try to do the same for him.

Do I wish he would lose 40 pounds? Definitely. I have tried to communicate that over the last 8 or 9 years? Yes. It did not work because the motivation has to come from him. He exercises now, which is a step in the right direction, but he eats unhealthily. This has been an unbelievably hard year and it's not the time for me to put added pressure on him about appearances, when I'm not looking my best either. I will take the lead on helping us both eat better in the new year, but care about him and want to do it without shaming or being condescending.

I am still attracted to his eyes and his smile and his legs and the way he treats me, so I focus on that.

Sounds like a good marriage but the 40 lbs extra is a downer.

I could have written this. When I need to, I close my eyes and picture the younger, thinner version.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If women left their marriages once they stopped desiring sex from their DHs, the divorce rate would be 90% after a decade of marriage.

People stay for stability, kids, finances, social cohesion and genuine affection. Marriage and sex have always been at odds.

Fortunately all their husbands are out getting the sex they need elsewhere. Otherwise, like you mentioned, a 90% divorce rate.
Sexless marriage and fidelity have always been at odds.

My dude, I have to admire your single-minded devotion to your mission. You seem to spend at least six hours per day communicating some variation of “undersexed wives inevitably force their husbands to cheat!” Your dedication and focus is admirable, but do you think perhaps you should spend that time working on your own marriage, which obviously has some… issues?

No kidding, right? It might be this poster’s unrelenting bitterness that is preventing a healthy marriage/sex life. The sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and inability to engage in discussion with any openness or nuance are all revealing. I would completely excuse his wife for cheating based on what I see of his personality. Who would want to have sex with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to this question is: vows. Also, I am a female and it doesn’t matter too much if I am attracted to him or not. The sex can still occur regardless. I guess you’re talking to men?

I’m a female and I don’t think I could have sex with my DH if he gained a lot of weight. It’s just not attractive to me. I also wouldn’t expect him to be attracted to me if I gained a lot of weight.

You couldn’t do it?

Because you would be angry and want to punish him? Or because you can’t do anything unless it’s perfect? Or because you are just that big of a princess? How hard is it to have sex with someone you love and trust, who is the father of your children, and who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with? What kind of human cannot accomplish this?

If he gained a lot of weight he couldn't have sex with her. ED and buried penis are real.