What made you stay in a marriage if you were no longer physically attracted to spouse?

[Anonymous]

If your partner gained a significant amount of weight or generally gave up on their appearance to the point that they were unrecognizable from when you met, how do you continue to maintain a sex life or show affection and attraction?

I know that people will say they love their spouse beyond superficial appearances but realistically, some sort of physical connection must remain. How do you keep that going knowing the person you are married to doesn't look healthy or try?

[Anonymous]

Porn?

[Anonymous]

If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

Of course people age, but they can still remain attractive and maintain a healthy appearance. Aging doesn't mean you let yourself go.

[Anonymous]

We're no longer attracted to each other at all (for reasons of changing orientation), so there's no sex life, but there's still physical connection. I don't need to be attracted to someone to snuggle or hug. There's still that, plus masturbation. We do okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

Of course people age, but they can still remain attractive and maintain a healthy appearance. Aging doesn't mean you let yourself go.

Are you thinking of "aging" to like 50? Because I'm planning to be married until I die and hoping to live a good long life. Basically no one is attractive at 80.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're no longer attracted to each other at all (for reasons of changing orientation), so there's no sex life, but there's still physical connection. I don't need to be attracted to someone to snuggle or hug. There's still that, plus masturbation. We do okay.

Do you have sex with other people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

Of course people age, but they can still remain attractive and maintain a healthy appearance. Aging doesn't mean you let yourself go.

Are you thinking of "aging" to like 50? Because I'm planning to be married until I die and hoping to live a good long life. Basically no one is attractive at 80.

Do you plan on getting it on all the time when your 80 too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're no longer attracted to each other at all (for reasons of changing orientation), so there's no sex life, but there's still physical connection. I don't need to be attracted to someone to snuggle or hug. There's still that, plus masturbation. We do okay.

Do you have sex with other people?

He does. I haven't for a while. Either way my physical connection needs are met with things other than sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

Of course people age, but they can still remain attractive and maintain a healthy appearance. Aging doesn't mean you let yourself go.

Are you thinking of "aging" to like 50? Because I'm planning to be married until I die and hoping to live a good long life. Basically no one is attractive at 80.

Do you plan on getting it on all the time when your 80 too?

Plenty of 80 year olds have regular, active sex lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

Of course people age, but they can still remain attractive and maintain a healthy appearance. Aging doesn't mean you let yourself go.

Are you thinking of "aging" to like 50? Because I'm planning to be married until I die and hoping to live a good long life. Basically no one is attractive at 80.

Do you plan on getting it on all the time when your 80 too?

Plenty of 80 year olds have regular, active sex lives.

Exactly which is why I think physical attraction at any age is important

[Anonymous]

The answer to this question is: vows. Also, I am a female and it doesn’t matter too much if I am attracted to him or not. The sex can still occur regardless. I guess you’re talking to men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you've been married long enough both of you will not look like you did when you got married. Men often get guts, lose their hair, lose their chin line etc, and both get wrinkles. You just have to accept that people age and change and no one will look super fit and young forever. If someone gains a large amount of weight maybe that calls for a very diplomatic conversation about health.

Of course people age, but they can still remain attractive and maintain a healthy appearance. Aging doesn't mean you let yourself go.

Are you thinking of "aging" to like 50? Because I'm planning to be married until I die and hoping to live a good long life. Basically no one is attractive at 80.

Do you plan on getting it on all the time when your 80 too?

Plenty of 80 year olds have regular, active sex lives.

Exactly which is why I think physical attraction at any age is important

DH and I both had serious (life threatening) health issues in the first seven year of being together (dating through early marriage). My weight dropped dangerously low (spine knobs showing) and my hair fell out. A few years later, he had a horrible medicine/sick smell and ulcers in his mouth. We were not attractive at those times. But the desire to comfort and spend time snuggled together didn’t fade.

[Anonymous]

I can't stand my wife of nine years. Worse mistake of my life. She's lazy. Anti-social. Immature. The list goes on. But, we have a seven year old child and I won't divorce her because of our child. Her parents begged me to not divorce her. My parents included because they both don't believe in divorce. So, I decided to stick it out regardless of how unhappy I am.

It is what it is. Sometimes you make the biggest mistakes in the world and you have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

When I’m not feeling attractive, I write down five things I like about my appearance. Eventually I realize that yes, I am pretty, and that in turn makes me want to take care of myself more.

I think this works for others too. When you find something positive, it’s easier to find things that are positive. Does she have a pretty hair color? Eyes? Smile? Collarbones? Cute shoes? Usually there is something.

And If she knows that there are certain attributes you think are attractive, that might have a lot of good ripple effects.