Reply to Any way to send a family newsletter in our Christmas card without sounding like jerks?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You seem crazy.  Giving a mentally ill relative who spreads gossip about you, information about your life is going in the EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION you should be.  You need to snuff OUT the fire, by giving the relative LESS oxygen, not more.  Give them NO information. [/quote]

There are more family than this one relative,  I think op shouldn't hide their life because of one person.  Stand tall and proud op . [/quote]

Op here. Thank you :)

To the PP, so much is in the public record anyway. My mom can find tons of information just through google. I’m not going to not live my life because my mother might find out.

Her approach the last few years has been more to pretend I never existed, from what I can gather. The most tenacious rumor spreading/gossip/lies were a bigger thing a more from like 2005-2015. However, a lot of people distances themselves from me as a result and haven’t come back.

It’s easy to say just forget all of them, but these were people I loved and enjoyed. Of course I wish there was a way to see them physically and talk to them but everyone is spread out everywhere and it’s awkward because so much time has passed for me to just call them up. I’m also not going to beg them to have a relationship with me, but I’d like them to know I’m not institutionalized (nor have I ever been), and that I have a family of my own now and we are doing ok.[/quote]

OP, I am so sorry this is happening to you.  Are the gossipers jealous? This is the only reason I have ever heard for someone to gossip, especially in such an ugly and untruthful manner. ie: "DON'T talk to HER; DON'T friend HER; DON'T be seen with HER......" ilk.  They seem really hell bent about painting you as a bad person.  Do they feel slighted that you moved away?  Are they jealous that you seem happy? Do they think that makes them look bad? Haters often do not know how to find their own happiness, so they try to hang their ugly on someone else.

Your haters also seem socially stunted. You need to learn to not care what mentally ill people think of you, because their ill behavior will feed on that. They seem like they have some sort of score to settle with you, am I accurate in thinking this?  Don't people see through it?  Anyone with half a brain should be able to see through such immature behavior.  Anyone worth spending time with should be able to think for themselves. ie: not "SHE can't sit HERE...." Doesn't this all seem very high school, stunted, immature and just mean to you? Why would you want someone like that in your life?  Mind you, the further you get from them, physically and mentally, the more it will probably bother someone like this - and it might just set them off more, depending on their mental illness. Their lives must just suck, frankly.

If you want to send a well written, thoughtful, short and sweet holiday letter, per some of the recommendations above - ONLY to the people you like, then do it.  I would not entertain anything that the gaslighting haters do - don't give them anything to gossip about - if they don't spew sheer lies already, they will, and anyone with half a brain will know.  People will tell you what they are doing, you can just listen and laugh. Hateful, jealous people tend to be fairly transparent (however unintentional) in their motives.  It all comes out in the wash, OP. You have too much going for you to let such classless excuses for humans bring you down. What are they going to do, call their high schoolish clan and berate you? So what?

Write the letter and enjoy your peaceful life without them - they have zero power over you, zero credibility, and that is probably what bothers them most. [/quote]

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