Is this gaslighting? And why does he do it?

[Anonymous]

Get McDonald's next time and there won't be any dill yogurt arguments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get McDonald's next time and there won't be any dill yogurt arguments.

Fun fact: McDonalds in certain zip codes will charge you for more than 2 packets of hot mustard sauce.

The more you know 🌈💫

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This behavior is not so much gaslighting (which is a manipulation and blame tactic that forces you to question your past acts and beliefs), as perseverance (harping on something for longer than is appropriate). Perseverance appears in ADHD and autism diagnoses.

I too pronounce Cava with a short "a" sounds.

This sounds right, thank you. I do believe he was diagnosed with autism as a child, based on some conversations with his parents, though nobody will really come out and say it. I do know he was in therapy for years as a child and certainly learned many tools to cope and behave as a functioning, and in fact, successful and engaging person. But once he encountered some road bumps, including an utter inability to be able to be supervised in a workplace, and death of newborns, many of these weird personanlity traits surfaced. He hasn't worked in 7 years and we live almost entirely off of my salary, while he sits on a trust fund. He is quite obsessed with our next door neighbor and everying he is doing, nearly to the level of what I would call paranoia. I knew my description would come across as petty, but I think you have to be on the receiving end of this behavior day in and day out to understand just how strange it is. It is very demeaning.

PP you replied to. I’m sorry, OP. You need to talk to him about all these behaviors, and put them in context for him with his earlier diagnosis and therapy. It would be great if he could restart some behavioral therapy with someone specialized in high-functioning autism.

The work thing isn’t dire if both your incomes can sustain your lifestyle long term. Plenty of people with disabilities don’t do well in the workforce, and if they’re lucky enough to not need to work, maybe it’s best if they don’t...

This is a major thing, deaths of multiple newborns? I'm assuming they were your own children together? I'm sorry, OP. Have you tried therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

So, the short a sound, which my husband uses to say Cava sounds like the a in "have." The a in Cava, should be pronounced "ah" or "aa." As you correctly pointed out, though you don't understand what a short a is. And actually at Cava, they have a tzatziki (check you spelling)--which they describe as a dip or a spread, and they have a yogurt dill dressing--which was the product called into question last night. And we are definitely not made for each other, hence my posting here when I do in fact need to be working.

Jesus Christ this paragraph makes me want to put a bullet in my head. Are you like this in real life?!

That “check you spelling” has to be eating you ALIVE inside!!

Well, I was just pretty annoyed at the poster who was missing the point of what happened and calling me pedantic because she thought the argument was over the name of the sauce. Perhaps it was my fault because I didn't tell the story clearly. I am far from pedantic. I don't possess enough knowledge of anything to be pedantic. And I really wouldn't know the difference between tzatziki and yogurt dill sauce. But she was being a jerk, so I jabbed back. Sorry.

We understand your story, what you seem to be not understanding is you come across as just as much of a jerk as your husband. Pot meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. People are not being very helpful. While it is small, I understand why you are annoyed and looking for what may cause this behavior.
I guess if it were me I would just try to legit go, turn the conversation to something else, model good behavior for your teens. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Kay-va or carva or cooova. Or whatever. If my Spouse starts ticking me off on how it’s pronounced then i think your marriage has far bigger problems!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the point is being missed. I could not care less about whether it's a sauce or a dip, or that he wanted to share--I always share. It was his bizarre insistence that it always comes when you order Cava and that he wouldn't stop talking about it until I said what he wanted, which is: Okay, you're right. It always comes with this dip. Of course, I didn't do that, so for almost 10 minutes, he wouldn't stop insisting that Cava gives the sauce for free and that I was wrong in thinking that I orderd it, for myself. That's why I wondered if it's gaslighting...this insistence that I was wrong, and that I didn't order it for myself. He often is refuting reality, even in little, meaningless instances like this.

Aspies always try to turn a simple thing into a lecture about BS where only they are right because of some personal definition or semantics.

You should see the antics they pull when they’re wrong- you’d get dizzy!

[Anonymous]

It’s cahvah. Go in the website and see them say it themselves.

Or ask Steve Case when you see him. He backed cava and sweet green.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

NP. Lol I can’t even believe I’m engaging in this debate because OP shouldn’t be having such dumb fights with her husband. But, the yogurt dill to which OP refers is yes, a dressing. Cava has a separate tzatziki which is a thicker consistency and they classify as a “dip” on their own menu. OP is right in the context of Cava, but again it’s a stupid debate. If my husband pulled this I would just say okay honey, know I’m right, and change the subject.

So your husband just got confused. He was probably thinking of the tzatiki dip and you know you ordered the yogurt dill dressing.

Op it would be annoying to have every little thing you do questioned and told you are wrong as your husband did. As PP said just say ok and move on. Not worth the fight about it.

[Anonymous]

He seems really annoying. And probably autistic. I’d leave him. He can order his own damn cahvah And wait for the saucetheygivefor free all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This behavior is not so much gaslighting (which is a manipulation and blame tactic that forces you to question your past acts and beliefs), as perseverance (harping on something for longer than is appropriate). Perseverance appears in ADHD and autism diagnoses.

I too pronounce Cava with a short "a" sounds.

This sounds right, thank you. I do believe he was diagnosed with autism as a child, based on some conversations with his parents, though nobody will really come out and say it. I do know he was in therapy for years as a child and certainly learned many tools to cope and behave as a functioning, and in fact, successful and engaging person. But once he encountered some road bumps, including an utter inability to be able to be supervised in a workplace, and death of newborns, many of these weird personanlity traits surfaced. He hasn't worked in 7 years and we live almost entirely off of my salary, while he sits on a trust fund. He is quite obsessed with our next door neighbor and everying he is doing, nearly to the level of what I would call paranoia. I knew my description would come across as petty, but I think you have to be on the receiving end of this behavior day in and day out to understand just how strange it is. It is very demeaning.

PP you replied to. I’m sorry, OP. You need to talk to him about all these behaviors, and put them in context for him with his earlier diagnosis and therapy. It would be great if he could restart some behavioral therapy with someone specialized in high-functioning autism.

The work thing isn’t dire if both your incomes can sustain your lifestyle long term. Plenty of people with disabilities don’t do well in the workforce, and if they’re lucky enough to not need to work, maybe it’s best if they don’t...

This is a major thing, deaths of multiple newborns? I'm assuming they were your own children together? I'm sorry, OP. Have you tried therapy?

This stuck out to me too. OP, I’m so sorry if this is true, and if so there is way more to your marriage than just frustration over lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After hearing your query for a diagnosis, I took it upon myself to consult with Doc McStuffins. Thankfully, she has a diagnosis. This is not NPD. This is a case of the Corona Crazy Cabin-Feverish Babies! Add it to Halle’s big book of boo-boos.

My DD is currently obsessed, thanks for this post PP. LOL

[Anonymous]

My husband is the same.
I believe he is an aspie. Mine is also abusive and narcissistic and wow I probably have had the same thing happen 100 times.
Don’t engage. They will pummel you verbally to be right. It’s not worth it

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what the alternate pronunciation is for Cava?

[Anonymous]

When was the last time you had sex? I get cranky when it’s been awhile too.