Is this gaslighting? And why does he do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of asking your DH why he does it, you go to an anonymous forum to ask why your husband does whatever he does. Got it.

I have asked him countless times. He doesn't acknowledge his weird behavior. So I came to the experts on DCUm to see if this was in line with any possible conditions that I believe he has. He was raised by his nanny--his mother has NPD, and just didn't have a normal childhood at all. He has become very hard to talk to at all, so I"m stuck turning to strangers, yes.

[Anonymous]

Stop engaging in stupid conversations or arguments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby or learn a new skill I hear knitting and breadmaking are fun.

Or maybe just pop on Apple TV and watch the Peanuts and CTFO!

Oh, I do not need a hobby. Trust me. I am raising two teenagers with this unemployed weirdo while working full-time. Plenty busy. Thanks though for the thoughtful advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby or learn a new skill I hear knitting and breadmaking are fun.

Or maybe just pop on Apple TV and watch the Peanuts and CTFO!

Oh, I do not need a hobby. Trust me. I am raising two teenagers with this unemployed weirdo while working full-time. Plenty busy. Thanks though for the thoughtful advice.

Kids aren't a hobby. You need a hobby and possibly therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not gaslighting. He is pedantic and somewhat stubborn, which I know because my husband is the same way. However, it rarely upsets me (he's always been this way). Occasionally I get exasperated, especially if he's just in a mood and is nitpicking everything. But in those situations, I just give him a very specific look and he says, "Am I being pedantic again?" and I say "Yes!" and we both laugh because we've been married a long time this is just how we are.

I recommend finding some humor in these interactions and learning to let each other know when your little annoyances (we all have them) are crossing a line.

I have been married to him for 21 years. He has never, ever, in all that time, admitted to a single flaw or mistake. He points out mine though. In fact, he gets quite angry when I'm wrong about the stupidest things (he became quietly enraged last week when I said I didn't think the space heater in the basement had a remote control--I had never laid eyes on it, how was I to know?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby or learn a new skill I hear knitting and breadmaking are fun.

Or maybe just pop on Apple TV and watch the Peanuts and CTFO!

Oh, I do not need a hobby. Trust me. I am raising two teenagers with this unemployed weirdo while working full-time. Plenty busy. Thanks though for the thoughtful advice.

Kids aren't a hobby. You need a hobby and possibly therapy.

Point being, no time for a hobby. I'm extremely busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not gaslighting. He is pedantic and somewhat stubborn, which I know because my husband is the same way. However, it rarely upsets me (he's always been this way). Occasionally I get exasperated, especially if he's just in a mood and is nitpicking everything. But in those situations, I just give him a very specific look and he says, "Am I being pedantic again?" and I say "Yes!" and we both laugh because we've been married a long time this is just how we are.

I recommend finding some humor in these interactions and learning to let each other know when your little annoyances (we all have them) are crossing a line.

I have been married to him for 21 years. He has never, ever, in all that time, admitted to a single flaw or mistake. He points out mine though. In fact, he gets quite angry when I'm wrong about the stupidest things (he became quietly enraged last week when I said I didn't think the space heater in the basement had a remote control--I had never laid eyes on it, how was I to know?).

Then I don't know, get a divorce? He sounds awful and it doesn't sound like you love each other. Why are you still married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby or learn a new skill I hear knitting and breadmaking are fun.

Or maybe just pop on Apple TV and watch the Peanuts and CTFO!

Oh, I do not need a hobby. Trust me. I am raising two teenagers with this unemployed weirdo while working full-time. Plenty busy. Thanks though for the thoughtful advice.

Kids aren't a hobby. You need a hobby and possibly therapy.

Point being, no time for a hobby. I'm extremely busy.

Can't be that busy if you have to ruminate and make a thread about this nonsense argument. Fiction writing is also popular, you'd probably be very good at that. Who knows you may end up a popular author and have enough money to move away from the husband that you hate.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

[Anonymous]

After hearing your query for a diagnosis, I took it upon myself to consult with Doc McStuffins. Thankfully, she has a diagnosis. This is not NPD. This is a case of the Corona Crazy Cabin-Feverish Babies! Add it to Halle’s big book of boo-boos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

You can buy the sauce by the bottle in the grocery store too
Just saying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

So, the short a sound, which my husband uses to say Cava sounds like the a in "have." The a in Cava, should be pronounced "ah" or "aa." As you correctly pointed out, though you don't understand what a short a is. And actually at Cava, they have a tzatziki (check you spelling)--which they describe as a dip or a spread, and they have a yogurt dill dressing--which was the product called into question last night. And we are definitely not made for each other, hence my posting here when I do in fact need to be working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

As someone with a Doc-obsessed child who loves Tzatziki, I adore this post. A bright spot in a weirdly lame thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby or learn a new skill I hear knitting and breadmaking are fun.

Or maybe just pop on Apple TV and watch the Peanuts and CTFO!

Oh, I do not need a hobby. Trust me. I am raising two teenagers with this unemployed weirdo while working full-time. Plenty busy. Thanks though for the thoughtful advice.

Kids aren't a hobby. You need a hobby and possibly therapy.

Point being, no time for a hobby. I'm extremely busy.

Can't be that busy if you have to ruminate and make a thread about this nonsense argument. Fiction writing is also popular, you'd probably be very good at that. Who knows you may end up a popular author and have enough money to move away from the husband that you hate.

I am a writer. I have started, in fits and starts, a novel about life married to a weirdo with a narcissistic mother who makes every day of my life a living hell. It's a real knee-slapper. Unfortunately, I'm just too busy to spend much time on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s not gaslighting. Yes, Cava is definitely pronounced with two short a’s. And finally, the cucumber-dill,
is called Tzatzitki and it is a sauce. Look it up.

So you’re both wrong. And apparently you’re made for each other.

As someone with a Doc-obsessed child who loves Tzatziki, I adore this post. A bright spot in a weirdly lame thread.

And yet, you're on page 2 of it.