What can I say to DD about getting chubby?

[Anonymous]

Don’t buy any junk (no more Pirates Booty or Goldfish). No drinks except for water or unsweetened flavored sparkling water. You shouldn’t have any junk food or junk drinks in your house. Discourage snacking- if you have three meals a day, you don’t need a snack. Our snacking culture is what’s made America overweight. We snack because we’re bored, not because we’re hungry. Serve smaller portioned healthy meals. If your DD isn’t doing any sports, enroll her in one. Tennis is a great active socially distanced option. Start walking or biking every day as a family.

You know this already but you’re not doing her any favors by letting her continue to gain weight. If you can address this with actions, not words, she’ll be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are fat, she will be fat. Just facts of genetics and environment. You have to be healthy together.

This. It is rare to see an overweight kid and thin parents.

This is OP - DH and I are in very good shape but we work hard for it because we are not naturally thin people. We eat extremely healthy 95% of the time (lean meat, fruits and veggies - rarely any carbs or starch or sugar) but do indulge when there is a reason to. DH is a marathon runner and runs 5 days a week. He constantly asks DD to go with him and I try to get her to do yoga with me but she is not interested in either. She is a fairly lazy kid so we do take walks and hikes but she complains the whole way.

Again, this is genetic and she doesn't have the personalities you and your DH do so the end result is being overweight. Find something she likes to do instead of making her do what you like to do. I hate running and yoga doesn't burn many calories anyway. My son loathed exercise until he found fencing. Talk about good exercise! I tried it a year or two ago and I was dripping in sweat after 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

My daughter got wider at 8/9. We did not say a word to her, because we knew: many kids put on weight at that age (just before a growth spurt); she had been doing too much snacking; and she could stand to up her exercise game. The primary thing that we did was steer her away from the frequent snacks, without talking about weight. We didn’t change anything about what she could do around friends, but we stopped stocking chips (which were her weakness). We utilized distractions before she could ask for a snack in the afternoon, and instituted “no snacking” hours before dinner. Gradually she got to the point where she only asked for a snack maybe every other day, and was happy with a parent selected portion (vs mindlessly eating from a bag).

We also added more exercise in by ramping up the sports practices; she did her normal team practices and we selected an optional extra day with her swim club, and took it upon ourselves to do physical things with her. When the pandemic hit and everything stopped she and I did our own “Girls on the Run” and we allowed her to bike with friends.

By the time she was 10 she had grown a couple of inches and thinned out considerably. She lost the belly and built lean muscle. Some of it was nature, but we did prod it along without her ever knowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are fat, she will be fat. Just facts of genetics and environment. You have to be healthy together.

This. It is rare to see an overweight kid and thin parents.

This is OP - DH and I are in very good shape but we work hard for it because we are not naturally thin people. We eat extremely healthy 95% of the time (lean meat, fruits and veggies - rarely any carbs or starch or sugar) but do indulge when there is a reason to. DH is a marathon runner and runs 5 days a week. He constantly asks DD to go with him and I try to get her to do yoga with me but she is not interested in either. She is a fairly lazy kid so we do take walks and hikes but she complains the whole way.

Sign her up for a sport like soccer or basketball with a lot of running. Most kids don’t want to go running or do yoga. They want to do something fun with other kids.

NP, but if you sign up DD for a sport, stick around to see if she really participates. I've assisted with rec soccer and been a rec camp volunteer - legions of kids decide to "sit out" and refuse to participate. Yep. Just tell me they want to sit it out. Then, if it's girls, a few decide to follow. Same happens in PE class - kids claim injuries or need excessive water breaks. Adults have to comply because parents will complain that we disallowed a break and or made kid play injured. Infuriating.

I'd avoid signing up DD. Work out with her and be a good example.

[Anonymous]

My DS wasn’t overweight but he had gotten really sedentary during lockdown and it was affecting his mood. DH and I both have fitness watches that DS was jealous of. We bought him a Garmin Vivofit Jr. it helped us and him keep tabs on his basic activity level and he runs ahead on walks now instead of whining like his legs are falling off. I’ve also used a meal/snack schedule to help limit mindless snacking. (I did this for myself but it was great for the kids too). Ellyn Satter’s books were really helpful for meals and stuff.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you would say anything to your 8-year-old dd about her weight? The thing that needs to be said is to you. Look at yourself and say what you need to say to yourself. This is like that dad we had posting here who got it off his chest and did something about it, by telling his teen DS that he is overweight. Accomplished nothing except to tear down his ds and tell him dad is disgusted by you!
You and your DH did this, but you think you should tell dd something? Heck, no. You need to DO something and fix this yourself. You are the one buying food, cooking, packing lunches, giving her money, How terrible to put the burden of weight loss on an 8 year old!

[Anonymous]

I would not say anything but I’d cut out the junky snacks. I had to do this recently...with being home and found DL they are just plain snacking more often and I find it harder to regulate. Mine can still snack but I only have healthier options around (fruit, cheese, nuts, yogurt, cut up veggies etc). If I do buy things like goldfish etc I only buy in small quantities and when it is gone, it is gone. My kids are thin for now but were developing bad habits with all the time at home during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD (8) has always been in the 90th+ percentiles for height and weight but she has gone from being well proportioned to kind of heavy and having a decent belly. If you calculate her BMI she qualifies as being in the overweight range. While she doesn’t eat atrociously given what I see her friends eating (who are all stick thin), she is a picky eater who favors carbs and doesn’t really eat meat. She will eat vegetables and fruit with every meal, but she eats a pretty large volume of food overall and tends to snack on things that are not very healthy - goldfish, granola bars, pirate’s booty, etc. She is currently in school (not in DC) and just wants what her friends are eating for lunch and after school for snacks. She used to eat dessert regularly but we have already cut it down to 2X per week (other nights an apple or berries is the dessert option). I think another part of the issue is that she is so much more sedentary now because in school they literally sit at their desks all day and went from having PE daily to twice per week (and that’s weather dependent).

We have talked before about the importance of eating healthy and she knows which foods are good and bad, but she is too young to really care or actively think about it. Is there some productive way I can have a discussion with her without giving her a complex or making her feel bad?

Is there anything else I can do to stop her from getting even heavier down the line? If I take away the snacks and insist she only has a very healthy lunch she gets upset she can’t have what her friends have and asks why and I don’t know how to respond.

I was a fat kid until high school and really don’t want her to experience the same. Middle school was horrendous for me and I was teased for being fat, while my parents never said or did a thing to encourage me to eat better or be active. I really don’t want DD to experience the same.

NO NO NO say nothing. Provide healthy meals and snacks with treats. Do not focus on food or gaining weight. it will backfire. It always does. She will be fine. She will figure it out. Take walks exercise is fun do dance videos etc.. Do not focus on food or gaining weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad did a pretty good job with this- he tried to teach me Self control and discipline, portion control, and pointed to exercise as a way of getting and keeping fit. He was pretty tactful and low key and while I do struggle with my weight I hear his gentle voice and feel his gentle nudges and it helps a lot

This is beautiful PP. What a wonderful father

[Anonymous]

You say absolutely nothing.

Fruits for snacks.

Veggies before extra carbs during meals e.g. you get a serving of rice and you can only get another serving if you eat all your veggies.

Exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are fat, she will be fat. Just facts of genetics and environment. You have to be healthy together.

This. It is rare to see an overweight kid and thin parents.

This is OP - DH and I are in very good shape but we work hard for it because we are not naturally thin people. We eat extremely healthy 95% of the time (lean meat, fruits and veggies - rarely any carbs or starch or sugar) but do indulge when there is a reason to. DH is a marathon runner and runs 5 days a week. He constantly asks DD to go with him and I try to get her to do yoga with me but she is not interested in either. She is a fairly lazy kid so we do take walks and hikes but she complains the whole way.

Are you overweight though? I’m only asking because overweight people often say they are healthy or in good shape because they are active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she asks why she can’t have what her friends are having, tell her people’s bodies work differently and her body doesn’t burn up fuel the same way her friends’ bodies do. Or tell her that you are interested in her health and nutrition, and other families may not prioritize those things in exact the same way. Focus on exercise and fitness, energy and metabolism, health and strength. Not on weight and chubby was and how she looks.

No, No, and No

[Anonymous]

Bodies work the same! Rare is the body that has that many issues, that is just refusing to admit reality. Common in the U.S. with people normalizing being overweight.
Her body gets too many calories, hence weight gain. OP provides these calories but wants to put the blame on her kid by talking to her. No, op fix what you messed up.
Presuming your 8-year-old doesn't have a credit card with her own funds and is not utilizing uber and instacart to get her snacks, most of her food is provided by you. Way to blame the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are fat, she will be fat. Just facts of genetics and environment. You have to be healthy together.

This. It is rare to see an overweight kid and thin parents.

This is OP - DH and I are in very good shape but we work hard for it because we are not naturally thin people. We eat extremely healthy 95% of the time (lean meat, fruits and veggies - rarely any carbs or starch or sugar) but do indulge when there is a reason to. DH is a marathon runner and runs 5 days a week. He constantly asks DD to go with him and I try to get her to do yoga with me but she is not interested in either. She is a fairly lazy kid so we do take walks and hikes but she complains the whole way.

I think you found a key point here. Finding something she likes that will get her moving will be really important, with the side effect that while she's physically active she's not going to be bored and looking for snacks. Dance parties? Soccer? Swim team? its challenging with the pandemic but anything with a social aspect may be an easier sell than just running. But hey, I used to take my high-energy kid to the track and run sprints with her just to tire her out!

[Anonymous]

Read the Obesity Code especially the childhood obesity chapter. There’s only one study ever that has had success changing juvenile weights. It’s described in the book.