What can I say to DD about getting chubby?
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Anonymous
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My DD (8) has always been in the 90th+ percentiles for height and weight but she has gone from being well proportioned to kind of heavy and having a decent belly. If you calculate her BMI she qualifies as being in the overweight range. While she doesn’t eat atrociously given what I see her friends eating (who are all stick thin), she is a picky eater who favors carbs and doesn’t really eat meat. She will eat vegetables and fruit with every meal, but she eats a pretty large volume of food overall and tends to snack on things that are not very healthy - goldfish, granola bars, pirate’s booty, etc. She is currently in school (not in DC) and just wants what her friends are eating for lunch and after school for snacks. She used to eat dessert regularly but we have already cut it down to 2X per week (other nights an apple or berries is the dessert option). I think another part of the issue is that she is so much more sedentary now because in school they literally sit at their desks all day and went from having PE daily to twice per week (and that’s weather dependent).
We have talked before about the importance of eating healthy and she knows which foods are good and bad, but she is too young to really care or actively think about it. Is there some productive way I can have a discussion with her without giving her a complex or making her feel bad? Is there anything else I can do to stop her from getting even heavier down the line? If I take away the snacks and insist she only has a very healthy lunch she gets upset she can’t have what her friends have and asks why and I don’t know how to respond. I was a fat kid until high school and really don’t want her to experience the same. Middle school was horrendous for me and I was teased for being fat, while my parents never said or did a thing to encourage me to eat better or be active. I really don’t want DD to experience the same. |
Anonymous
| Nothing you say will come out right. Diet and exercise. She can't eat what you don't buy, so stop buying snacks. Have fruits and veggies out at all time, and lead by example. Adopt smaller portions at meals (most people serve too much). You didn't mention soft drinks, but if you are drinking anything other than water in your house, stop! Ride bikes together or take up walking or running and tell her you want her to train with you to help you keep your pace. Go hiking every weekend. |
Anonymous
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She's gained weight during the pandemic. So have lots of kids and adults.
This isn't a problem until after the pandemic is 100% over and she is back to daily PE and regular life. Then worry about it. |
Anonymous
| She has alot of growing ahead of her to even things out. Keep the focus on healthy food for the family and exercise. Don't say anything to her. |
Anonymous
| Focus on getting her to move rather than food. Go on walks and bike rides with her. Don’t withhold food or make her self-conscious about her size. I was a little overweight around the same age and the palpable disapproval from my mother led me to years and years of disordered eating. |
Anonymous
| Nothing. You say nothing. There is no good way to tell her to lose weight. You model a healthy lifestyle and get her moving. And say nothing. |
Anonymous
| Can you schedule a daily family walk? Before school, during lunch or before dinner? Upping the exercise is a great habit to begin as a family. Especially now when its still reasonably nice out! All iPhones have a built in steps tracker -- set a steps goal for weekdays and weekends. |
Anonymous
+1 If you want to spare her the pain you felt in middle school due to your weight, love her and accept her for exactly who she is and make sure she knows her value as a person isn't tied to her weight. That way whether she is overweight or not, she won't hate herself for it. That's far more damaging longterm than a few extra pounds. Especially since, as with you, kids often go through different body phases and their bodies change so much through puberty. A lot of it you can't control, even with healthy eating and exercise. Teach her to love herself, by loving her (and by loving yourself -- watch the way you talk about your own body). My mom tried to "spare me" teasing about my bad skin when I was young. She had it too when she was a teenager. So she was constantly on me about skincare and always getting me new prescriptions for it and dragging me to different dermatologists. Sometimes it got better, sometimes worse. But the overwhelming message I got was that my skin was a Problem and that my mom wouldn't be happy until it was Fixed. It made me self-conscious for decades. She could have taken me to the dermatologist but then just stopped talking about it. To this day, I feel genuine shame when I get even a little pimple. I've actually called in sick to work over skin issues because I it stresses me out so much. That's all my mom. |
Anonymous
+1 - I also agree with the poster who said many people have gained weight during the pandemic. My daughter also got heavier in mid-to-late elementary school right before a huge growth spurt. Model health, offer the kinds of foods you as a family choose to eat, and love her at every size. Bodies change so much as kids grow. |
Anonymous
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Plan family meals around her needs - lots of veggies, low carbs. Serve appropriate portion sizes for her height and weight. Make sure she is drinking water with meals - if she asks for seconds, make sure she has finished her water first.
For when she is out of the house - can you adjust her lunches to be similar to what her friends eat, just in different proportions? |
Anonymous
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I think you're right to keep the focus on health. I think other posters had a good idea to exercise together as a family (and maybe change their eating habits).
Has she seen her doctor lately? With COVID you may be trying to avoid doctors' offices, but something coming from a doctor can have a very different impact than coming from a parent. You might want to see if he recommends a consultation with a dietician. |
Anonymous
| Are you overweight? |
Anonymous
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OP, keep providing healthy meals and don't say anything. If you can, involve her in cooking and meal planning (both of which have broadened my kids' palates). Go for walks after dinner.
I have a 9yo DD who's always been in the 90th percentile for weight. She's really muscular and we talk in terms of what fuels your body v. what doesn't. She loved this book, which has some decent nutrition tips: https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Fitness-American/dp/1683370627/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=smart+girls+guide+to+sports&sr=8-2 |
Anonymous
+1000000 Model healthy eating and healthy movement. Make it fun. Cook together, exercise together -- not for fitness's sake but because it is *fun* to move and explore with your body. Stop talking about nutrition and whatnot. Just let her be a kid. |
Anonymous
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As someone who spent my college and young adult years in the grips of an eating disorder, don't focus on her weight and don't label foods as good/bad.
I feel your pain regarding the challenges of balancing the sedentary lifestyle of DL with good health/normal kid levels of activity. In our house, I try to limit snack foods available. The kids can grab a string cheese/greek yogurt or a piece of fruit during a break. During their movement breaks, we turn on a cosmic kids yoga or similar "fun" movement activity that are easily done in the confines of our department. Dessert is on weekends, and a social treat enjoyed with the family. We eat dinner together each night and the kids are part of the preparation process. The key thing is that we exercise together--family walks/hikes. We take care of our bodies together and make meals and exercise joyful, communal activities. We also have our DD continuing with zoom dance classes, which she loves and keep her active at least 3 nights a week. |