16-year-old told me he had sex

[Anonymous]

At 16, my DS is studying for SAT. Where are these kids having secx and with whom? Its pandemic everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.

+1
This is great advice

That list made me dizzy. Why does your son need to go to Planned Parenthood? Offer to SPLIT the cost of birth control with a girl???

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.

+1
This is great advice

This is great especially #10, but I would add you can just call your pediatrician too.

Hi I work at Planned Parenthood and love how thorough the PP has been with her son. Thanks for sharing how you thought about it and talked about it with him. To the point above that you can call your pediatrician that is DEFINITELY true there are so many great pediatricians out there who can help guide teenagers through some of these issues, although I will say quite a number of teenagers end up coming to me saying that they tried to talk to their pediatrician about birth control or whatever and were told they were “too young“ and basically shut down. A lot of pediatricians don’t actually have a great deal of experience in sexual health (my friend who is a ped asks me advice about birth control options for teens) so just be aware that in some offices their questions might not be encouraged or warmly received.

Oh wow, so I'll send my son to Planned Parenthood instead of our pediatrician.

Because he and his friends haven't known about condoms for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 16, my DS is studying for SAT. Where are these kids having secx and with whom? Its pandemic everywhere.

Two different worlds. Some kids are home following rules, and some kids are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.

LOVE this list.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think I'd have the same reaction if my (just turned) 17 year old told me. But on the other hand, I'm also wishing he was having sex and maybe he wouldn't be such the miserable jackass he's been lately!

I think it's great that he felt comfortable telling you.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private school and had sex when I was 15 with a girl at the local private girl's school. We had don't ask, don't tell back in the 60's. Never talked about it with either parent. Once I had a steady GF when I was 16, I think they assumed we were having sex. We were on our own back then and everything turned out OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.

+1
This is great advice

Agreed. I would also add a few things:

- as the male in the relationship, be aware that if your partner gets pregnant you have literally no control of what happens. She gets to decide whether or not to have an abortion, give the baby up for adoption, or keep it. If she chooses the third option, you are on the hook financially for the next 18+ years.

- Once a relationship becomes sexual, it becomes more difficult to end it. Do not stay in a relationship simply because you have had sex if it isn't a good relationship for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

good luck telling a 16 year old boy who has a girl willing to have sex with him not to have sex

This. Even after you have raised him to make good choices, etc etc

Not to dunk on you, PP, but I kind of reject the idea that this was a bad choice. It's certainly possible, but what if it's a neutral choice. What if it's a happy choice between two teenagers that care about each other. I'm certainly not hoping my kids have sex at 16, but want to give them the information to make those decisions. It's a part of them growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.

+1
This is great advice

This is great especially #10, but I would add you can just call your pediatrician too.

Hi I work at Planned Parenthood and love how thorough the PP has been with her son. Thanks for sharing how you thought about it and talked about it with him. To the point above that you can call your pediatrician that is DEFINITELY true there are so many great pediatricians out there who can help guide teenagers through some of these issues, although I will say quite a number of teenagers end up coming to me saying that they tried to talk to their pediatrician about birth control or whatever and were told they were “too young“ and basically shut down. A lot of pediatricians don’t actually have a great deal of experience in sexual health (my friend who is a ped asks me advice about birth control options for teens) so just be aware that in some offices their questions might not be encouraged or warmly received.

Oh wow, so I'll send my son to Planned Parenthood instead of our pediatrician.

Because he and his friends haven't known about condoms for years.

You have distilled reproductive health to condoms. smh

Planned Parenthood is a fabulous organization that support reproductive health for all at a sliding payment scale that encourages people to seek services rather than avoid them. I've talked extensively to my teenagers about Planned Parenthood and if they aren't comfortable talking to me or their father about their need/desire for reproductive health services, not limited to birth control, I hope they go to Planned Parenthood.

Just wait until your sexually active teen gets a bump on his penis even though he's been using condoms......it may be completely unrelated to sexual activity but a medical professional should still to check it out. From your post, I doubt he'll want to talk to you about it. smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am ROFL at the idea that single sex schools keep teens from having sex.

--graduate of a single sex high school

With the opposite gender at school it does. And frankly I know where my 16 year old is on weekends

At least when I went to Whitman, Holton girls didn't exactly have a chaste reputation

When I went to Whitman, it was the Immaculata girls who were getting around.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine if it was safe, and part of a loving relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

So you're shocked at the liberal views here, but you had sex at 20, which I'm presuming was premarital, and it's okay to partake in marijuana once you're researched it first?

BTW, I'm fine with all of the above, you just have a funny view of "liberal".

Oh and I waited to have sex until I was 21. So I'm better than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.

+1
This is great advice

This is great especially #10, but I would add you can just call your pediatrician too.

Hi I work at Planned Parenthood and love how thorough the PP has been with her son. Thanks for sharing how you thought about it and talked about it with him. To the point above that you can call your pediatrician that is DEFINITELY true there are so many great pediatricians out there who can help guide teenagers through some of these issues, although I will say quite a number of teenagers end up coming to me saying that they tried to talk to their pediatrician about birth control or whatever and were told they were “too young“ and basically shut down. A lot of pediatricians don’t actually have a great deal of experience in sexual health (my friend who is a ped asks me advice about birth control options for teens) so just be aware that in some offices their questions might not be encouraged or warmly received.

Oh wow, so I'll send my son to Planned Parenthood instead of our pediatrician.

Because he and his friends haven't known about condoms for years.

You have distilled reproductive health to condoms. smh

Planned Parenthood is a fabulous organization that support reproductive health for all at a sliding payment scale that encourages people to seek services rather than avoid them. I've talked extensively to my teenagers about Planned Parenthood and if they aren't comfortable talking to me or their father about their need/desire for reproductive health services, not limited to birth control, I hope they go to Planned Parenthood.

Just wait until your sexually active teen gets a bump on his penis even though he's been using condoms......it may be completely unrelated to sexual activity but a medical professional should still to check it out. From your post, I doubt he'll want to talk to you about it. smh

OMG you're right! If you're looking to commit murder or buy dead baby parts, it's the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Double check with him to make sure it was by consent and how he’s feeling about it. Teenage boys who lose their virginity are often overlooked because we assume boys will be boys and they wanted it. Several guys have shared they lost their virginity due to an aggressive, often older partner. The fact that he told you is great, but don’t assume he’s happy about or it was his idea. Double check that he’s ok.

What? Maybe one guy out of a million?

Ridiculous concern. You are projecting your own baggage on a young healthy male