16-year-old told me he had sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cry. Seriously.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:totally normal.

Awesome parenting. He told you that is huge! Give him all the tools and he will be fine. Condoms, Condoms, Condoms, and talk to him about STD's. Make sure he understands how much it costs to take care of a child.

how can educated people still actually push condoms on kids. you understand it is basically a guaranteed pregnancy? must be a boomer.

Condoms also prevent STDs, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

They will do what their friends do. This is why I send my kids to single gender schools. Less opportunity.

They can still get into trouble, but I'm more likely to see it coming.

I think you can instill values in your child that allow them to make choices different than their friends. I get it’s not the norm but it is possible to teach values around understanding pros and cons and making conscious choices to delay gratification and make choices different than those around you because the risks would significantly alter their ability to achieve certain goals. I’m not saying it is a perfect choice but it worked for me and I will take a similar path with my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was having sex at 16. I wasn’t happy about it but it is developmentally normal.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

good luck telling a 16 year old boy who has a girl willing to have sex with him not to have sex

This. Even after you have raised him to make good choices, etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

They will do what their friends do. This is why I send my kids to single gender schools. Less opportunity.

They can still get into trouble, but I'm more likely to see it coming.

I think you can instill values in your child that allow them to make choices different than their friends. I get it’s not the norm but it is possible to teach values around understanding pros and cons and making conscious choices to delay gratification and make choices different than those around you because the risks would significantly alter their ability to achieve certain goals. I’m not saying it is a perfect choice but it worked for me and I will take a similar path with my child.

I hate to break it to you. 9o% of kids will do whatever their friends do. And you can't control which friends they make

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:totally normal.

Awesome parenting. He told you that is huge! Give him all the tools and he will be fine. Condoms, Condoms, Condoms, and talk to him about STD's. Make sure he understands how much it costs to take care of a child.

how can educated people still actually push condoms on kids. you understand it is basically a guaranteed pregnancy? must be a boomer.

Condoms also prevent STDs, you know.

And girls who lie

[Anonymous]

Seriously?!?! No need to wear a condom??!! I worry as much about STDs as I do pregnancy!!

OP- I would be upset also but would try to encourage the open communication. Most important message from me with DS is check, double check, then triple check consent. If it is the she (or potentially another he) that pushed it, I would make sure we talk about how he is feeling and how develop useful exit strategies for any time they are needed in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:totally normal.

Awesome parenting. He told you that is huge! Give him all the tools and he will be fine. Condoms, Condoms, Condoms, and talk to him about STD's. Make sure he understands how much it costs to take care of a child.

how can educated people still actually push condoms on kids. you understand it is basically a guaranteed pregnancy? must be a boomer.

Condoms also prevent STDs, you know.

+1. I'd love to know what the pp thinks a mother should "push" to her sexually active son. My message to my son is that you use condoms to prevent STIs. I don't care if the girl is on birth control or tells you whatever, you always use a condom to prevent STI's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

They will do what their friends do. This is why I send my kids to single gender schools. Less opportunity.

They can still get into trouble, but I'm more likely to see it coming.

I think you can instill values in your child that allow them to make choices different than their friends. I get it’s not the norm but it is possible to teach values around understanding pros and cons and making conscious choices to delay gratification and make choices different than those around you because the risks would significantly alter their ability to achieve certain goals. I’m not saying it is a perfect choice but it worked for me and I will take a similar path with my child.

Yes, but you can instill those values and your child might still make his/her own choices that do not align with yours. It is folly not to acknowledge that. You seem to be equating PPs' reaction of "it is what it is" with a lack of instruction in values, but it may also be the voice of experienced parents saying: sometimes your teen does things he KNOWS you disapprove of and there's not a lot you can do about it. You teach your children to make their own choices and not be led by the crowd? that's great (I'm trying to do that myself), but you have to recognize that a kid who thinks for himself might not follow *your* lead either.

[Anonymous]

I am ROFL at the idea that single sex schools keep teens from having sex.

--graduate of a single sex high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am ROFL at the idea that single sex schools keep teens from having sex.

--graduate of a single sex high school

With the opposite gender at school it does. And frankly I know where my 16 year old is on weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say I am shocked by the liberal views here but I guess I’m not. I waited until I was 20, by choice, because I knew no matter how much planning you do, things could go wrong, so I wanted to wait until I felt like I was reasonably capable of handling an unplanned pregnancy, STD, etc. I was also the type that researched the crap out of drugs like marijuana before choosing to partake. I want to have similar conversations with my children about the value of timing and ability to handle unintended consequences. So personally I’d be disappointed if my 16 year old made that choice and would let them know that.

They will do what their friends do. This is why I send my kids to single gender schools. Less opportunity.

They can still get into trouble, but I'm more likely to see it coming.

I think you can instill values in your child that allow them to make choices different than their friends. I get it’s not the norm but it is possible to teach values around understanding pros and cons and making conscious choices to delay gratification and make choices different than those around you because the risks would significantly alter their ability to achieve certain goals. I’m not saying it is a perfect choice but it worked for me and I will take a similar path with my child.

I hate to break it to you. 9o% of kids will do whatever their friends do. And you can't control which friends they make

It feels lazy as a parent to see throw your hands up and not use that to go deeper with teaching about choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am ROFL at the idea that single sex schools keep teens from having sex.

--graduate of a single sex high school

With the opposite gender at school it does. And frankly I know where my 16 year old is on weekends

At least when I went to Whitman, Holton girls didn't exactly have a chaste reputation

[Anonymous]

Here is what I told my son:

1. Always use a condom. Even if she says you don't have to. Even if you can't feel everything as much (you'd sure feel the STD you catch, or the baby spit up or worse at 4am). Even if she says she's on birth control (people lie, bc fails sometimes)
2. If you're having sex with someone you're in a relationship with, offer to split the cost of birth control - it's both your responsibility, not just hers
3. Just because you have sex once (or ten times) with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them again if you don't want to
4. Just because you have sex in one relationship or with one person doesn't mean you have to have sex with everyone else after them
5. Even though you're a boy you can say no too.
6. If a girl ever says no or stop or seems like she wants to say those things but can't, stop. Err on the side of caution.
7. Do NOT film it
8. Have sex with people who are sober. If you're not sure, don't risk it.
9. If you are worried something is wrong, see a doctor.. Ask me. Ask your dad. We will send you to a doctor, or go with you if you want.
10. Planned Parenthood sees men also.
11. Doctors and nurses have seen EVERYTHING. No matter what you could have possibly done or shoved anywhere, nothing will phase them. Be honest. I swear they will not laugh.
12. If you're about to have sex with someone and something doesn't look right, don't do it.