if you really love kids, how does it feel when they're adults but you don't have grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t it make people sad to see their families...die out? That’s sort of what it is. I know it can’t always be avoided but it does give me sort of existential dread....

Then you should have had more kids.

Oh, sure, let me visit my 28 year old self and remedy that now that I'm wiser and realize what would happen later if NONE of my 2 kids were having kids. I should have been Mrs. Duggar, right? What's the right amount of kids to have? 3? 4? 7? What would ensure delivery later? Becsuse, THAT was on my mind then.This was one of the dumbest responses yet.

You didn't realized you wanted grandkids until you were older? For something that causes you dread it's a recent desire?

What??? This is a response to the absurd suggestion of having more kids in order to have grandchildren. My response was sarcastic. Did you not understand that?

[Anonymous]

Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a life.

Np. Wow! Your comment is so thoughtful, kind and insightful. Thanks for sharing your wisdom😳

[Anonymous]

My kids are 39 (female) and 34(male) and it looks like neither one will be having kids. I have never pressured them or even asked about it but it does make me sad. I have 14 grand nieces and nephews but it's not the same, there are no children at my house during the holidays which is something I always thought would happen again. I think you actually go through a bit of a grieving process over what might have been.

And let me be clear, I have never mentioned this to my kids. Having children is hard and if it's something you don't want to do, you shouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

It's their life. It's fine with me. I do volunteer work with children that I enjoy very much. It's enough for me.

[Anonymous]

I find this thread interesting because often time people tell couples using infertility treatments to grow their families "you should adopt!" So it's OK for people to crave grandchildren and need to mourn not having them and HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I SPEND TIME WITH OTHER CHILDREN THEY AREN'T BY BLOOD but people who want bio children should just get over that and adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread interesting because often time people tell couples using infertility treatments to grow their families "you should adopt!" So it's OK for people to crave grandchildren and need to mourn not having them and HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I SPEND TIME WITH OTHER CHILDREN THEY AREN'T BY BLOOD but people who want bio children should just get over that and adopt.

No,not one person mentions the biological aspect of the relationship. No one. Hanging out with kids in a school and neighborhood has nothing to do with who becomes family or not. The neighborhood kids are not family. They are someone else's family. An adopted child is family. Absolutely. And no one is interfering with fertility issues here.

You just took this thread on a train ride without a ticket, dear. Wrong thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this thread interesting because often time people tell couples using infertility treatments to grow their families "you should adopt!" So it's OK for people to crave grandchildren and need to mourn not having them and HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I SPEND TIME WITH OTHER CHILDREN THEY AREN'T BY BLOOD but people who want bio children should just get over that and adopt.

What? Where on earth did this come from?

[Anonymous]

We are about 5-10 years older than most of our friends and we have 7 very young grandchildren and there isn’t one girl friend of mine who doesn’t hope to be in the same boat some day. Mothers of all ages love babies! But I don’t know anyone who would pressure their children to have children though they would wish it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are about 5-10 years older than most of our friends and we have 7 very young grandchildren and there isn’t one girl friend of mine who doesn’t hope to be in the same boat some day. Mothers of all ages love babies! But I don’t know anyone who would pressure their children to have children though they would wish it.

OP never said she was pressuring her kids!

OP, I don’t have good advice but I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I hope you’re surprised someday soon with news of a grandchild on the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are about 5-10 years older than most of our friends and we have 7 very young grandchildren and there isn’t one girl friend of mine who doesn’t hope to be in the same boat some day. Mothers of all ages love babies! But I don’t know anyone who would pressure their children to have children though they would wish it.

Babies are babies. Big deal. They’re all the same- eat, sleep, and crap. Nothing special about them besides being a time and money suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had the opportunity to decide whether you wanted to parent. That comes once, if you are lucky.

You don't get two opportunities to make that call (once for you and once for them). Accept that that time in your life has passed.

Do volunteer work with children. There are many in need of love and responsible role models.

This. There are lots of ways to scratch that itch.

NP It really doesn't change the paradigm...the family just stops. No family gatherings, vacations at the beach. Never though this would be it.

Why can't you vacation and gather with your children. ..

That's what I don't understand, don't you have adult children and other family to vacation with, gather with. If you aren't doing those things now that probably won't change once grand kids come along.

You really do not get it. Yes, we can go to the beach with our kids. This has NOTHING to do with having grandchildren. Your world view is amazingly limited.

My world view is amazingly limited. How kind of you. You think I don't get it.

I was responding to the person saying there is no family gathering, no vacations at the beach, never thought it this would be it. I am saying isn't there other family to gather with, aren't there siblings with adult children who had kids to gather with. I understand the nuclear family stops but what can be done about it, it is a loss, I understand that.

I understand the loss because I was unable to have children of my own. At least you had children. I understand that my lineage stops with me, I haven't carried anything on. However I went to other family and joined in. I guess you can sit there and wallow throughout your years and stomp your foot that you aren't getting everything you want, when you want it and how you want it, you can throw digs on the internet at people simply trying to say hey that may be the case but you still have family, reach out, if you don't then yes you need to find other ways because what's the other option - wallow in your misery.

Your world view is amazingly limited. Is this the first time life has not given you what you want and you have to boo hoo about it. At your age if you haven't learned how to deal with grief and loss then consider yourself extremely lucky. Well the rest of us have ridden this rodeo already and I would suggest you don't waste precious years wallowing and just be grateful you had a family to begin with and make the most of it but what would I know considering you've told me I have an amazingly limited worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had the opportunity to decide whether you wanted to parent. That comes once, if you are lucky.

You don't get two opportunities to make that call (once for you and once for them). Accept that that time in your life has passed.

Do volunteer work with children. There are many in need of love and responsible role models.

This. There are lots of ways to scratch that itch.

NP It really doesn't change the paradigm...the family just stops. No family gatherings, vacations at the beach. Never though this would be it.

Why can't you vacation and gather with your children. ..

That's what I don't understand, don't you have adult children and other family to vacation with, gather with. If you aren't doing those things now that probably won't change once grand kids come along.

You really do not get it. Yes, we can go to the beach with our kids. This has NOTHING to do with having grandchildren. Your world view is amazingly limited.

My world view is amazingly limited. How kind of you. You think I don't get it.

I was responding to the person saying there is no family gathering, no vacations at the beach, never thought it this would be it. I am saying isn't there other family to gather with, aren't there siblings with adult children who had kids to gather with. I understand the nuclear family stops but what can be done about it, it is a loss, I understand that.

I understand the loss because I was unable to have children of my own. At least you had children. I understand that my lineage stops with me, I haven't carried anything on. However I went to other family and joined in. I guess you can sit there and wallow throughout your years and stomp your foot that you aren't getting everything you want, when you want it and how you want it, you can throw digs on the internet at people simply trying to say hey that may be the case but you still have family, reach out, if you don't then yes you need to find other ways because what's the other option - wallow in your misery.

Your world view is amazingly limited. Is this the first time life has not given you what you want and you have to boo hoo about it. At your age if you haven't learned how to deal with grief and loss then consider yourself extremely lucky. Well the rest of us have ridden this rodeo already and I would suggest you don't waste precious years wallowing and just be grateful you had a family to begin with and make the most of it but what would I know considering you've told me I have an amazingly limited worldview.

The thing is we are not dealing with grief and loss. Just sad acceptance. Not one ersatz grandparent here, is boo hooing. It's a discussion.

It seems your views are indeed clouded by your own loss, which has nothing to do with what ours might be. You are angry and projecting your anger here. Our situations are different. Now imagine someone telling you to volunteer with kids or enjoy your neighborhood kids since you don't have your own biological kids. It's not the same. Then you would like to explain that we can still go on vacation with our adult kids and that should be enough. So, I guess that works the same way with yours(?) What's the problem? You can vacation with your parents, that's the same thing, right...who I guess are upset that they aren't having grandkids and whether they are saying it or not, is making you feel bad. We aren't saying it to our kids- some person got on here in an anonymous forum to explain his/ her feeling and others are concurring.

But your issue isn't our issue. I'm glad you hang out with other families. We do too. We enjoy other kids, other families, too. It's not really what we are discussing here, and if you really felt just fine with your choices, substitutes, replacements, whatever, you wouldn't be delivering this s#!// load of anger at something nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer, OP! Not this year, but next year when Covid is gone I’d love to have someone like you in my classroom to read to kids or help with activities.

I have one child. He’s the only grand kid on both sides, and we live across the country from grandparents. I know it’s hard because they wish they could see him and be a part of his life, but that’s not how life shook out.

My mother and father volunteer like crazy. I feel bad because we live so far away but they are happy. They teach Sunday school, my mother works as an unpaid aid in a preschool. She reads lot. My dad volunteers with Junior Achievement. Get involved!!! And for Gods sake don’t point out to them how you want grandchildren!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had the opportunity to decide whether you wanted to parent. That comes once, if you are lucky.

You don't get two opportunities to make that call (once for you and once for them). Accept that that time in your life has passed.

Do volunteer work with children. There are many in need of love and responsible role models.

This. There are lots of ways to scratch that itch.

NP It really doesn't change the paradigm...the family just stops. No family gatherings, vacations at the beach. Never though this would be it.

Why can't you vacation and gather with your children. ..

That's what I don't understand, don't you have adult children and other family to vacation with, gather with. If you aren't doing those things now that probably won't change once grand kids come along.

You really do not get it. Yes, we can go to the beach with our kids. This has NOTHING to do with having grandchildren. Your world view is amazingly limited.

My world view is amazingly limited. How kind of you. You think I don't get it.

I was responding to the person saying there is no family gathering, no vacations at the beach, never thought it this would be it. I am saying isn't there other family to gather with, aren't there siblings with adult children who had kids to gather with. I understand the nuclear family stops but what can be done about it, it is a loss, I understand that.

I understand the loss because I was unable to have children of my own. At least you had children. I understand that my lineage stops with me, I haven't carried anything on. However I went to other family and joined in. I guess you can sit there and wallow throughout your years and stomp your foot that you aren't getting everything you want, when you want it and how you want it, you can throw digs on the internet at people simply trying to say hey that may be the case but you still have family, reach out, if you don't then yes you need to find other ways because what's the other option - wallow in your misery.

Your world view is amazingly limited. Is this the first time life has not given you what you want and you have to boo hoo about it. At your age if you haven't learned how to deal with grief and loss then consider yourself extremely lucky. Well the rest of us have ridden this rodeo already and I would suggest you don't waste precious years wallowing and just be grateful you had a family to begin with and make the most of it but what would I know considering you've told me I have an amazingly limited worldview.

The thing is we are not dealing with grief and loss. Just sad acceptance. Not one ersatz grandparent here, is boo hooing. It's a discussion.

It seems your views are indeed clouded by your own loss, which has nothing to do with what ours might be. You are angry and projecting your anger here. Our situations are different. Now imagine someone telling you to volunteer with kids or enjoy your neighborhood kids since you don't have your own biological kids. It's not the same. Then you would like to explain that we can still go on vacation with our adult kids and that should be enough. So, I guess that works the same way with yours(?) What's the problem? You can vacation with your parents, that's the same thing, right...who I guess are upset that they aren't having grandkids and whether they are saying it or not, is making you feel bad. We aren't saying it to our kids- some person got on here in an anonymous forum to explain his/ her feeling and others are concurring.

But your issue isn't our issue. I'm glad you hang out with other families. We do too. We enjoy other kids, other families, too. It's not really what we are discussing here, and if you really felt just fine with your choices, substitutes, replacements, whatever, you wouldn't be delivering this s#!// load of anger at something nothing to do with you.

Actually I'm not angry or clouded. My first response was quite normal as shown by the bolded response above. In response to what I wrote I was told I had an amazingly limited view.

You say you want a discussion. A discussion is an exchange of ideas. Apparently there is no discussion unless people are saying what YOU want them to say and what YOU want to read.

What you are discussing is not having grandchildren, not being able to continue family, I was told I don't know what you are going through and have a limited world view however I won't have grandchildren, I won't continue family so what I am not allowed to respond to this post because I am not your age. Ok I didn't realise you are the overseer of this thread, I didn't realise it's your view or no view.

My sh*tload of anger, how funny. I thought the anger was delivered in the line about my limited world view. If you can't take it in reverse don't dish it out. I offered no insults in my original post. I did in my second and guess what you didn't like it how funny. You can't take it, how funny.

Please continue bemoaning your life, this is obviously a pity post. Most threads on DCUM offer advice when someone posts so people offering advice here are not angry they just thought they could offer something else, a different opinion.

Your response of "if you really felt just fine with your choices, substitutes, replacements, whatever, you wouldn't be delivering this s#!// load of anger at something nothing to do with you" shows a lot more anger and hostility in you than me. Like I said, read my original response to this thread, then read yours, you were the one to fling insults yet are unable to handle them in return.

Perhaps a little self reflection would do you some good. Go have a wine and relax.

By the way if you read further up the thread someone does describe this as a loss and isn't it acceptable to feel that. Now you say it isn't loss or grief but sad acceptance. Wow please continue to change the script to suit yourself however I would assume it would be a loss for other grandparents rather than sad acceptance or whatever new age bogus you describe.