if you really love kids, how does it feel when they're adults but you don't have grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lamenting about not having grandchildren is a valid thing. It's actually a tremendous loss. People will say a lot of dumb things like:
1. Volunteer with kids
2. Find children in your neighborhood
3. Get a hobby
4. Get a life
5. Don't give up, they might have them. ( They aren't. )
Yeah, none of these things, which everyone can do with or without grandchildren, replace the loss of what was to be the continuation of family. The loss of the next generation, the joy of watching one's kids raise kids, to be in their lives, to be grandparents. So, just stop.

And, yes, no parent should pressure or expect their kids to provide it...that makes no sense regardless. That doesn't mean there isn't a real and present palpable loss.

Please note everyone this is not a loss, it's a sad acceptance. Remember to use your correct words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are about 5-10 years older than most of our friends and we have 7 very young grandchildren and there isn’t one girl friend of mine who doesn’t hope to be in the same boat some day. Mothers of all ages love babies! But I don’t know anyone who would pressure their children to have children though they would wish it.

Babies are babies. Big deal. They’re all the same- eat, sleep, and crap. Nothing special about them besides being a time and money suck.

Too bad your parents didn’t have that attitude and remained childless.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great that people take their time and really decide whether they want kids or not. I think earlier generations had kids because they thought that was what you're supposed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lamenting about not having grandchildren is a valid thing. It's actually a tremendous loss. People will say a lot of dumb things like:
1. Volunteer with kids
2. Find children in your neighborhood
3. Get a hobby
4. Get a life
5. Don't give up, they might have them. ( They aren't. )
Yeah, none of these things, which everyone can do with or without grandchildren, replace the loss of what was to be the continuation of family. The loss of the next generation, the joy of watching one's kids raise kids, to be in their lives, to be grandparents. So, just stop.

And, yes, no parent should pressure or expect their kids to provide it...that makes no sense regardless. That doesn't mean there isn't a real and present palpable loss.

Please note everyone this is not a loss, it's a sad acceptance. Remember to use your correct words.

Sorry, it is a loss. Those with families will understand.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids, 31, 29 + 28.

I may be a weirdo but I have zero desire to be a Grandmother.
I am still (!) relishing my freedom since I raised them on my own!!

I like not being tied down or having to worry about add’l people.

I see lots of people my age, fifty-one w/grandkids and I always say to myself “better them not me.”
Many people think my attitude is so unusual but I am just being honest in how I truly feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids, 31, 29 + 28.

I may be a weirdo but I have zero desire to be a Grandmother.
I am still (!) relishing my freedom since I raised them on my own!!

I like not being tied down or having to worry about add’l people.

I see lots of people my age, fifty-one w/grandkids and I always say to myself “better them not me.”
Many people think my attitude is so unusual but I am just being honest in how I truly feel.

At 51 being a grandmother could make you feel old and you’re far from that. At 61 you might feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids, 31, 29 + 28.

I may be a weirdo but I have zero desire to be a Grandmother.
I am still (!) relishing my freedom since I raised them on my own!!

I like not being tied down or having to worry about add’l people.

I see lots of people my age, fifty-one w/grandkids and I always say to myself “better them not me.”
Many people think my attitude is so unusual but I am just being honest in how I truly feel.

At 51 being a grandmother could make you feel old and you’re far from that. At 61 you might feel differently.

My MIL was a grandmother in her 40s. That must have been a bit weird for her but her own mom was a grandmother in her 40s too. They come from a family of early starters.

I'm in my 40s and my kids are 8 and under.

[Anonymous]

I have grandkids but they live 1400 miles away. I was sad about being deprived of the "grandma experince" so after I retired from my career, I signed up one one of those on line babysitting sites to be a "grandma for hire." I was hired quite quickly.

I babysat for family #1 for about 18 months, then they moved. Family # 2 lasted 3 years, and family # 3 lasted 4 years. The kids ranged in age from newborn to 12. Sometimes when the 12 year old would roll her eyes at me, I would remind her that I could trade her in for a baby. As in, I could quit babysitting for older kids and find a new family with younger kids.

I found that being older was seen as a positive to parents when they were looking for a sitter.

There are a lot of young families who are sad that they live far from their extended family. And there are a lot of older people who are sad that they live far from their extended family. But there are ways for those people to get together and "scratch each other's itches".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lamenting about not having grandchildren is a valid thing. It's actually a tremendous loss. People will say a lot of dumb things like:
1. Volunteer with kids
2. Find children in your neighborhood
3. Get a hobby
4. Get a life
5. Don't give up, they might have them. ( They aren't. )
Yeah, none of these things, which everyone can do with or without grandchildren, replace the loss of what was to be the continuation of family. The loss of the next generation, the joy of watching one's kids raise kids, to be in their lives, to be grandparents. So, just stop.

And, yes, no parent should pressure or expect their kids to provide it...that makes no sense regardless. That doesn't mean there isn't a real and present palpable loss.

Please note everyone this is not a loss, it's a sad acceptance. Remember to use your correct words.

i consider it a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had the opportunity to decide whether you wanted to parent. That comes once, if you are lucky.

You don't get two opportunities to make that call (once for you and once for them). Accept that that time in your life has passed.

Do volunteer work with children. There are many in need of love and responsible role models.

This. There are lots of ways to scratch that itch.

NP It really doesn't change the paradigm...the family just stops. No family gatherings, vacations at the beach. Never though this would be it.

Why can't you vacation and gather with your children. ..

That's what I don't understand, don't you have adult children and other family to vacation with, gather with. If you aren't doing those things now that probably won't change once grand kids come along.

You really do not get it. Yes, we can go to the beach with our kids. This has NOTHING to do with having grandchildren. Your world view is amazingly limited.

But your response to the suggestion to gather with your children was basically, “what’s the point?” I don’t have kids, and if I knew my parents felt that way about me, I’d just not bother seeing them, like, ever. Luckily my parents enjoy seeing me, their child, so we have a close and loving relationship. I doubt you can say the same, with your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have grandkids but they live 1400 miles away. I was sad about being deprived of the "grandma experince" so after I retired from my career, I signed up one one of those on line babysitting sites to be a "grandma for hire." I was hired quite quickly.

I babysat for family #1 for about 18 months, then they moved. Family # 2 lasted 3 years, and family # 3 lasted 4 years. The kids ranged in age from newborn to 12. Sometimes when the 12 year old would roll her eyes at me, I would remind her that I could trade her in for a baby. As in, I could quit babysitting for older kids and find a new family with younger kids.

I found that being older was seen as a positive to parents when they were looking for a sitter.

There are a lot of young families who are sad that they live far from their extended family. And there are a lot of older people who are sad that they live far from their extended family. But there are ways for those people to get together and "scratch each other's itches".

What service is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have grandkids but they live 1400 miles away. I was sad about being deprived of the "grandma experince" so after I retired from my career, I signed up one one of those on line babysitting sites to be a "grandma for hire." I was hired quite quickly.

I babysat for family #1 for about 18 months, then they moved. Family # 2 lasted 3 years, and family # 3 lasted 4 years. The kids ranged in age from newborn to 12. Sometimes when the 12 year old would roll her eyes at me, I would remind her that I could trade her in for a baby. As in, I could quit babysitting for older kids and find a new family with younger kids.

I found that being older was seen as a positive to parents when they were looking for a sitter.

There are a lot of young families who are sad that they live far from their extended family. And there are a lot of older people who are sad that they live far from their extended family. But there are ways for those people to get together and "scratch each other's itches".

What service is this?

It's really not babysitting that people miss. It's the family experience. I am not sure why people think babysitting children of strangers somehow replaces having grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had the opportunity to decide whether you wanted to parent. That comes once, if you are lucky.

You don't get two opportunities to make that call (once for you and once for them). Accept that that time in your life has passed.

Do volunteer work with children. There are many in need of love and responsible role models.

This. There are lots of ways to scratch that itch.

NP It really doesn't change the paradigm...the family just stops. No family gatherings, vacations at the beach. Never though this would be it.

Why can't you vacation and gather with your children. ..

That's what I don't understand, don't you have adult children and other family to vacation with, gather with. If you aren't doing those things now that probably won't change once grand kids come along.

You really do not get it. Yes, we can go to the beach with our kids. This has NOTHING to do with having grandchildren. Your world view is amazingly limited.

But your response to the suggestion to gather with your children was basically, “what’s the point?” I don’t have kids, and if I knew my parents felt that way about me, I’d just not bother seeing them, like, ever. Luckily my parents enjoy seeing me, their child, so we have a close and loving relationship. I doubt you can say the same, with your attitude.

Still has literally nothing to do with the subject matter here. You seem to lack the ability to see the larger gestalt. Somehow, it somehow is all about you....oh, wait...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have grandkids but they live 1400 miles away. I was sad about being deprived of the "grandma experince" so after I retired from my career, I signed up one one of those on line babysitting sites to be a "grandma for hire." I was hired quite quickly.

I babysat for family #1 for about 18 months, then they moved. Family # 2 lasted 3 years, and family # 3 lasted 4 years. The kids ranged in age from newborn to 12. Sometimes when the 12 year old would roll her eyes at me, I would remind her that I could trade her in for a baby. As in, I could quit babysitting for older kids and find a new family with younger kids.

I found that being older was seen as a positive to parents when they were looking for a sitter.

There are a lot of young families who are sad that they live far from their extended family. And there are a lot of older people who are sad that they live far from their extended family. But there are ways for those people to get together and "scratch each other's itches".

What service is this?

Sittercity dot com. Care dot com. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have grandkids but they live 1400 miles away. I was sad about being deprived of the "grandma experince" so after I retired from my career, I signed up one one of those on line babysitting sites to be a "grandma for hire." I was hired quite quickly.

I babysat for family #1 for about 18 months, then they moved. Family # 2 lasted 3 years, and family # 3 lasted 4 years. The kids ranged in age from newborn to 12. Sometimes when the 12 year old would roll her eyes at me, I would remind her that I could trade her in for a baby. As in, I could quit babysitting for older kids and find a new family with younger kids.

I found that being older was seen as a positive to parents when they were looking for a sitter.

There are a lot of young families who are sad that they live far from their extended family. And there are a lot of older people who are sad that they live far from their extended family. But there are ways for those people to get together and "scratch each other's itches".

What service is this?

It's really not babysitting that people miss. It's the family experience. I am not sure why people think babysitting children of strangers somehow replaces having grandchildren.

Lets hope your kids don't allow you near their children if they have them. You seem nuts.