Is it rude to take my toddler with me when I go in for monitoring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been seeking fertility treatment for recurrent m/c. That means that when I get pregnant, I go to the RE office for monitoring of the embryo size, location, and heartbeat. When I had those 4 mc's, and when that little heart stopped beating, I can't imagine anything that would have made me cried harder than seeing a little child outside the room where I just learned that my little child was gone.

I had three miscarriages and each time I had to sit at my OBGYN's office with many happy pregnant couples. If you become pregnant, will you feel badly for other people at the OBGYN office?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, people are way too easily offended. The world doesn't revolve around you- people have families, babies, etc. No one is out to get you.

It's almost like an overweight person going to a gym and being offended at seeing skinny people.

[Anonymous]

PP 15:30, those of us suffering with the disease of infertility are well aware that the world does not revolve around us. If it did there would be no baby showers, no people telling us to "just relax," and no two year waits to adopt. And there would be insurance coverage for infertility treatments!!!

All we are asking for is some common courtesy. If you are knowingly going to a place that will be filled with women and men struggling with infertility, why wouldn't you try to avoid rubbing their noses in the fact that you have what they want? It would be like me accompanying a friend fo chemo treatments and then talking loudly in the waiting room about how my doctor told me I was so healthy I would probably live to be 100 and now I'm worried I don't have enough money saved for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP 15:30, those of us suffering with the disease of infertility are well aware that the world does not revolve around us. If it did there would be no baby showers, no people telling us to "just relax," and no two year waits to adopt. And there would be insurance coverage for infertility treatments!!!

All we are asking for is some common courtesy. If you are knowingly going to a place that will be filled with women and men struggling with infertility, why wouldn't you try to avoid rubbing their noses in the fact that you have what they want? It would be like me accompanying a friend fo chemo treatments and then talking loudly in the waiting room about how my doctor told me I was so healthy I would probably live to be 100 and now I'm worried I don't have enough money saved for retirement.

I don't think a woman bringing her toddler is trying to rub your nose in anything. I think she is there for fertility treatment, same as you. Honestly, if my doctor didn't allow children at the office, I wouldn't even be able to consider TTC #2. I am a SAHM, my parents are deceased and I have no other family in the area. My husband can't take off work all the time and risk losing his job. There's a big difference between "talking loudly about how healthy you are to a cancer patient" and having your toddler sit quietly next to you in a waiting room. And if you think it is so easy to find reliable and responsible childcare providers willing to travel to your home and work for an hour or two while you go to an appointment, you are in for a rude surprise when you do have children. All the same, I do wish you the best of luck!

[Anonymous]

No, but I do think that you and your husband could probably figure something out for most of the time. Shady Grove starts monitoring very early. If you picked the clinic closest to DH's office, he could wait in the building lobby with DC while you went to monitoring (getting the earliest appointment possible) and then you and DC could drive home and DH could be at work by 8am. Note I did not suggest getting a babysitter (I realize that would be tough early in the morning).

And please don't be so condescending. My husband comes to EVERY monitoring appointment with me because it is a priority for him (and yes, he does have a very demanding job). He just told his boss that his wife has a serious medical condition and he will need to accompany her to some doctor's appointments. So if we are lucky enough to TTC for number 2 someday, he will not be so busy that he can't spend time with his own child from 7:15-7:45 in the morning for a week or two. I have plenty of friends with kids and am already on the wait lists for four daycares - so I'm not as naive as you think. But thanks for the good luck!

[Anonymous]

No, but I do think that you and your husband could probably figure something out for most of the time. Shady Grove starts monitoring very early. If you picked the clinic closest to DH's office, he could wait in the building lobby with DC while you went to monitoring (getting the earliest appointment possible) and then you and DC could drive home and DH could be at work by 8am. Note I did not suggest getting a babysitter (I realize that would be tough early in the morning).

Ditto this exactly. When going through monitoring last year for IVF pregnancy #2 I would always get the 7am appointment at SG and then my husband and 2 year old twins would sit outside of the SG K street office while I went upstairs to be monitored. Then I would drive him to work and he'd be at work as usual by 8am.

[Anonymous]

16:35, sorry, but you are naive and obnoxious. Not all of us need our husbands to babysit us at a monitoring...

[Anonymous]

On the waiting lists for four daycares...wow. I would be afraid of jinxing myself.

I have plenty of friends who didn't bother until they were confirmed pregnant and everyone found a place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, but I do think that you and your husband could probably figure something out for most of the time. Shady Grove starts monitoring very early. If you picked the clinic closest to DH's office, he could wait in the building lobby with DC while you went to monitoring (getting the earliest appointment possible) and then you and DC could drive home and DH could be at work by 8am. Note I did not suggest getting a babysitter (I realize that would be tough early in the morning).

Ditto this exactly. When going through monitoring last year for IVF pregnancy #2 I would always get the 7am appointment at SG and then my husband and 2 year old twins would sit outside of the SG K street office while I went upstairs to be monitored. Then I would drive him to work and he'd be at work as usual by 8am.

Sorry, but I'm not going to drag my toddler out in the rain or cold and screw up her breakfast because you can't handle seeing her in the waiting room. We live in the city and we don't have the luxury of walking to a heated garage. She doesn't even wake-up until 7:30! K Street also houses pediatrician offices and many other doctor's office where children are often present. What's the difference if you run into a child in the elevator or the waiting room?

[Anonymous]

"Not all of us need our husbands to babysit us at a monitoring... "

DH does not come with me to babysit me, he comes with me because he is just as invested in this as I am. He wants to be there to get the follicle counts and ask the doctor questions. After all, he wants the IVF to work just as much as I do. He calls the doctor to ask follow up questions, talks to the nurse when he has concerns. My RE said that my DH was the most involved husband that he has ever encountered and I feel lucky to be married to him!!!! Sorry if your husband can't be bothered to watch his own kid for half an hour during morning monitoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Not all of us need our husbands to babysit us at a monitoring... "

DH does not come with me to babysit me, he comes with me because he is just as invested in this as I am. He wants to be there to get the follicle counts and ask the doctor questions. After all, he wants the IVF to work just as much as I do. He calls the doctor to ask follow up questions, talks to the nurse when he has concerns. My RE said that my DH was the most involved husband that he has ever encountered and I feel lucky to be married to him!!!! Sorry if your husband can't be bothered to watch his own kid for half an hour during morning monitoring.

LOL! Not the PP, but having my husband sit in the car with an unhappy toddler woud not be what I consider "quality time". My husband works hard during the week so he can spend every weekend with his family without any work interruptions.

[Anonymous]

I think OP has an answer to the question about if it's rude to bring a toddler -- lots here have said YES! Some people won't be offended, but I think enough folks have chimed in and enough offices have "no kid" policies to establish that a healthy percentage of patients would be offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has an answer to the question about if it's rude to bring a toddler -- lots here have said YES! Some people won't be offended, but I think enough folks have chimed in and enough offices have "no kid" policies to establish that a healthy percentage of patients would be offended.

Some people will be offended no matter what you do. My doctor's office (Dominion) has about 1,000 baby pictures up on the walls. If they had enough complaints, I'm sure they would take them down. Obviously, that has not been the case. Personally, I like seeing the pictures because they represent success stories and they give me hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but I do think that you and your husband could probably figure something out for most of the time. Shady Grove starts monitoring very early. If you picked the clinic closest to DH's office, he could wait in the building lobby with DC while you went to monitoring (getting the earliest appointment possible) and then you and DC could drive home and DH could be at work by 8am. Note I did not suggest getting a babysitter (I realize that would be tough early in the morning).

And please don't be so condescending. My husband comes to EVERY monitoring appointment with me because it is a priority for him (and yes, he does have a very demanding job). He just told his boss that his wife has a serious medical condition and he will need to accompany her to some doctor's appointments. So if we are lucky enough to TTC for number 2 someday, he will not be so busy that he can't spend time with his own child from 7:15-7:45 in the morning for a week or two. I have plenty of friends with kids and am already on the wait lists for four daycares - so I'm not as naive as you think. But thanks for the good luck!

Truly, I cannot believe this. As if fertility treatments aren't stressful enough for ALL of us (current parents or not) without having to worry about childcare issues because some random stranger in MY doctor's office "might be offended" if I have to come in with my kids! (And I repeat: this particular dr's office does NOT have rules against it so I am in no violation of policy.) Do you want to tell me what color you don't like, too, so I won't accidentally wear that and "offend" you?

[Anonymous]

You stay at your clinic, I'll stay at mine (which does not allow kids). But I have to wonder, why did you ask the question if you were going to do what was easiest for you anyways.