Is it rude to take my toddler with me when I go in for monitoring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I totally see where the PPs are coming from. However, I am about to start fertility treatments again, and there is just no alternative than to take my 18 month old DS (conceived through an IUI) with me. With all the monitoring, and the costs of treatment, I simply can't afford to fork out money for a babysitter for all of those appointments. I truly am sorry if it offends anyone.

I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with this. There ARE alternatives to taking your child with you, you just have to figure something out. I sympathize with your situation, but it's not appropriate to bring your child with you. Period. I'm sure you really are truly sorry if you offend anyone, but the other women sitting in the waiting room don't know that (you're probably not apologizing personally to each one of them for your child's presence), and in any case, an apology doesn't undo the damage of how the presence of a child in the waiting room makes someone feel.

And I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with THIS. When I was trying for number 2, I truly had no choice, so I brought number 1 with me for many appts. My clinic DID allow it, so I was not breaking any rules. PPs, this is not a therapy session nor a group meeting. It's a doctors office. We were all individual patients who may have happened to be there at the same time, but we certainly weren't there to meet or chat with each other. Yes, we are/ were all there for the same unfortunate purpose but that does not change the fact that we all have different life circumstances to cope with. I'm sorry, but I think this is just one of these things that you have to deal with in life. The other blantant fact of the matter is that some of us will be successful at the clinic and some will not. Doese this mean that those who are should not be allowed to set foot there again, because they may offend someone who wasn't successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bit shocked by these posts (not in a bad way, just shocked). I am relatively new at TTC- I have no children, and have been trying for 9 months. We just had our first RE appointment. I truly would think nothing of seeing chidren in the waiting room - if anything, it gives me hope that people ARE successful with fertility treatments. My RE had pictures of his kids up in his office. Would this upset you?

Some people still don't realize that everything in the world is not about them.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit it never bothered me -I always found myself profoundly curious. I wanted something to hold onto -maybe that woman's story was like mine, maybe I would be successful, too. I even felt like this after failed IVFs.

However, I do understand that it might bother others. In a long infertility journey, we are vulnerable at times. I think for some women, the REs office is that place. I would try to respect that as much as possible. And if the clinic I went to had a no kids rule, I would abide by it.

If you are looking for a cheap alternative, try college students...if you have one or two on call, they are likely to have mornings free and be available relatively last minute.

[Anonymous]

Infertility treatments are stressful so I understand why some might not want children in the waiting room. I, however, was never bothered by seeing other children, whether it be in the waiting room, at the store, restaurants, etc. That said, I made arrangements for someone to be at home with my DS during my monitoring appts. Most of the time, it was my husband. My appts. were usually at 7AM so I would be home in time to take my DS to daycare, while DH left for work. During more complex procedures (ER, transfer), I had to fly in my mother to help out. And I know that in a pinch, my best friend would come over to help as well (with her two kids in tow). Though I realize it can be a hassle, please be considerate of others who are not comfortable with children in the waiting room.

[Anonymous]

Pictures, toddlers, babies in the clinic are a reminder of what I don't have. Sg does not have any baby pics posted anywhere.

[Anonymous]

And I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with THIS. When I was trying for number 2, I truly had no choice, so I brought number 1 with me for many appts. My clinic DID allow it, so I was not breaking any rules. PPs, this is not a therapy session nor a group meeting. It's a doctors office. We were all individual patients who may have happened to be there at the same time, but we certainly weren't there to meet or chat with each other. Yes, we are/ were all there for the same unfortunate purpose but that does not change the fact that we all have different life circumstances to cope with. I'm sorry, but I think this is just one of these things that you have to deal with in life. The other blantant fact of the matter is that some of us will be successful at the clinic and some will not. Doese this mean that those who are should not be allowed to set foot there again, because they may offend someone who wasn't successful?

No one said that women who've succesfully had children should be barred from fertility clinics. No one said you're there for therapy or to meet & chat with one another. If the presence of children weren't an extremely sensitive issue, do you think large clinics like SG would take the step of barring children from their offices? I've never been to any other doctors office where children are absolutely prohibited. Obviously SG feels this policy best serves the emotional needs of its patients. Some of those patients may even have factored that policy into their decision to go with SG over other clinics.

Please explain how you truly had no choice but to bring your child with you. In all seriousness, I really want to understand why it was truly impossible for you to make other arrangements for your child. Maybe then I'd be more sympathetic to someone bringing a child with her to an appt. Because now what I think "if I managed to find and pay for a babysitter, drop my kids with a neighbor, or get DH to stay/come home from work for an hour, why couldn't she?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with THIS. When I was trying for number 2, I truly had no choice, so I brought number 1 with me for many appts. My clinic DID allow it, so I was not breaking any rules. PPs, this is not a therapy session nor a group meeting. It's a doctors office. We were all individual patients who may have happened to be there at the same time, but we certainly weren't there to meet or chat with each other. Yes, we are/ were all there for the same unfortunate purpose but that does not change the fact that we all have different life circumstances to cope with. I'm sorry, but I think this is just one of these things that you have to deal with in life. The other blantant fact of the matter is that some of us will be successful at the clinic and some will not. Doese this mean that those who are should not be allowed to set foot there again, because they may offend someone who wasn't successful?

No one said that women who've succesfully had children should be barred from fertility clinics. No one said you're there for therapy or to meet & chat with one another. If the presence of children weren't an extremely sensitive issue, do you think large clinics like SG would take the step of barring children from their offices? I've never been to any other doctors office where children are absolutely prohibited. Obviously SG feels this policy best serves the emotional needs of its patients. Some of those patients may even have factored that policy into their decision to go with SG over other clinics.

Please explain how you truly had no choice but to bring your child with you. In all seriousness, I really want to understand why it was truly impossible for you to make other arrangements for your child. Maybe then I'd be more sympathetic to someone bringing a child with her to an appt. Because now what I think "if I managed to find and pay for a babysitter, drop my kids with a neighbor, or get DH to stay/come home from work for an hour, why couldn't she?"

The fact is no one should have to justify their circumstances to anyone. People do the best they can. If you see someone with a child at a fertility clinic, maybe their babysitter cancelled last minute. Maybe their husband is out of town. Maybe they don't care and brought their kid anyway. Who knows. But this is life- people will upset you, you will see kids everywhere... stress isn't good for your fertility anyway! People need to just take a deep breath and focus on themselves.

[Anonymous]

We bought our 6 week old to our first consultation. I was actually unaware you could not bring a child to these appointments until I went to my first one and I saw all of these signs asking patients not to do so. I felt SO bad after seeing the signs - I hadn't even really thought about it but it makes sense since infertility is such a sensitive issue for people. I never brought my daughter back again - even though it was really inconvenient to arrange child care. To the poster who said she was sorry for offending people by bringing her child - you really are not sorry if you continue to engage in behavior that is deeply hurtful to people who are going through infertility. If you can fork out the money for ivf, etc., you can pay for a sitter.

[Anonymous]

I conceived both of my children using ART (IUI, IVF). I can see where pps are coming from on being bothered by the kids there--I probably was at some point during my attempts for number 1. However, I had no choice but to bring my DS with me to round 2. Columbia Fertility does not prohibit this--and frankly, I came to see it as offering some hope to others. I used SG for round one and did see children there, so I am surprised to hear they prohibit this. I know the docs at Columbia like to meet the babies they help bring into the world....

I would take your child.

[Anonymous]

The fact is no one should have to justify their circumstances to anyone. People do the best they can.

Doesn't that excuse lots of rude or inconsiderate behavior? The problem is what is one person's "doing their best" is another person's "doing what I want and too bad if you don't like it."

[Anonymous]

when you are ttc, you will see kids everywhere. It might remind you of your struggles and make you feel bad. But when you are at the grocery store, others don't know you might have these feelings and really shouldn't be expected to protect you. However, at a fertility clinic, parents can have a really good expectation that a person struggling with infertility is going to be there and there is a high likelihood that such person is going to be emotional about it. I'd say it's okay to take your child to the grocery store if you don't want to pay for a sitter, but not to the clinic.

[Anonymous]

When I saw other women toting in their babies/toddlers while I sat anxious, depressed, and frustrated in the waiting room I wasn't mad at them.

No, seeing other people's babies made me hopeful.

[Anonymous]

I'm about as happy to see other people's babies/children at my monitoring/RE appointments as I am when I see them in the hair and nail salon when I am trying my best to just focus peacefully on me for an hour and could use some adult time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I saw other women toting in their babies/toddlers while I sat anxious, depressed, and frustrated in the waiting room I wasn't mad at them.

No, seeing other people's babies made me hopeful.

I agree- I actually like seeing people with kids there. It gives me hope. And I love kids. That's why I want one!

[Anonymous]

Glad there are a few voices of reason on this thread finally. I do think everyone acknowledges that it could be hurtful to see someone else's children, but I don't think you can be protected from that at all times.