Wapo Date Lab: Daters say they don’t tolerate racial bias. Their actions say otherwise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never dated anyone blonde. Does that make me biased against Scandinavians?

Yes.

Beware.

The blonde mob may soon go after you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White guy here. There are plenty of black women who I find attractive, but frankly they intimidate me because I know they deal with a whole lot of emotional / personal / professional problems that I can’t even begin to imagine, so it is certain that they are stronger than me.

You’re using the weak white male defense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

Apparently.

We’re going off the rails here, people.

I hope not. I'm a Black woman. I honestly feel people should date whomever they want, and whomever they are attracted to, and there's a variety of reasons people pick the people they date, and choose to settle down with. We should all examine ourselves to make sure our preferences aren't based in harmful stereotypes, but personally I don't think it's terrible to want to share something as personal as dating and marriage with someone who has a similar background and cultural history as you. I also don't want anyone dating me just to prove to themselves or others they are not racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, attraction is hard wired. It's rediculous to say I am racist for being attracted to certain races as it is to say I am only attracted to people who are in shape, or to full hair vs bald, large vs small cheated women, fat vs thin. Gay people are born this way, as it is for body features which includes skin tone.

This. You literally do not choose who you are attracted to.

You are socialized to prefer one skin color over another.

Not necessarily. What about men who prefer blondes or brunettes? My white DH who is fair colored is attracted to darker coloring in women. Most of his GFs have darker coloring. He was surrounded by fair colored people most of his life before 22.

I have darker coloring, and I have always been attracted to me with darker coloring, but I ended marrying a man who is fair. Prior to DH, I had never dated a man who was fair skinned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

Yes, and we all have to waste everyone's time on dates with people we are not attracted to. When we look at the list of who we've dated, we must make sure it reflects the demographic mix of our zip code.

[Anonymous]

lol ^... "been attracted to men with darker coloring"..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like curly or wavy hair on women. It has to be completely straight. This goes regardless of race. I also don't like blondes. I actually like darker skin but if the person is black then totally straight hair goes out the window. There are tons of hot black women who straighten their hair. Would I date one? Absolutely. But then I'd be called racist for not liking "natural hair." But I wouldn't date a curly haired white woman unless she straightened her hair either! Why is everything always about race.

I agree with you.

-signed non white woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, attraction is hard wired. It's rediculous to say I am racist for being attracted to certain races as it is to say I am only attracted to people who are in shape, or to full hair vs bald, large vs small cheated women, fat vs thin. Gay people are born this way, as it is for body features which includes skin tone.

Having a preference must mean you are a racist. Sigh... where does it end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol ^... "been attracted to men with darker coloring"..

Does "darker coloring" in this case mean Italian? Or Greek?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, attraction is hard wired. It's rediculous to say I am racist for being attracted to certain races as it is to say I am only attracted to people who are in shape, or to full hair vs bald, large vs small cheated women, fat vs thin. Gay people are born this way, as it is for body features which includes skin tone.

This. You literally do not choose who you are attracted to.

You are socialized to prefer one skin color over another.

Not necessarily. What about men who prefer blondes or brunettes? My white DH who is fair colored is attracted to darker coloring in women. Most of his GFs have darker coloring. He was surrounded by fair colored people most of his life before 22.

I have darker coloring, and I have always been attracted to me with darker coloring, but I ended marrying a man who is fair. Prior to DH, I had never dated a man who was fair skinned.

A lot of white men have been socialized to see women of color as exotic and sexually adventurous. It becomes a fetish.

My XH has never dated a Jewish woman to his family’s dismay. He definitely fetishes AA, Latina, and Asian women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White female here. I can understand if you're not attracted to certain races. I don't like most white guys because I feel like I'm with my brother (gross), and I've dated several non-white men who *only* dated white women.

But I hear a lot of racist sh!t when it comes to dating. Growing up, I'd always hear my white female friends complain if a hispanic or black guy was interested in them. Sort of a "why does a hispanic guy think *I* would be interested in *him*?!" thing.

People would make fun of white women who dated non-white men. And I've heard a LOT of guys say they would never date a woman who had been with a black man (although they would all happily sleep with Beyonce)

Where did you grow up?

North Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White guy here. There are plenty of black women who I find attractive, but frankly they intimidate me because I know they deal with a whole lot of emotional / personal / professional problems that I can’t even begin to imagine, so it is certain that they are stronger than me.

Oh goodness, I love this. Love, love, love it as a POC who grew up in a stable home with parents still married and never was exposed to drinking, drugs, or infidelity. I did have the problem of paying for college but earned scholarships for undergrad and grad. Said earlier I have dated black, white, Hispanic, and Asian men. The biggest problem I have had in a few relationships was libido mismatch. College boyfriend who was black was low-libido. Hispanic man was the least...endowed. Best bedmate in terms of frequency, stamina, and size was the grad school boo.

[Anonymous]

Grad school boo was white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol ^... "been attracted to men with darker coloring"..

Does "darker coloring" in this case mean Italian? Or Greek?

Come on, you know it doesn't. It means she prefers a british broadcaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. I have been friends with men of all shapes and colors, but I am not physically attracted to all shapes and colors. I am not physically attracted to blondes (Brad Pitt does nothing for me) and I am not physically attracted to black men either. This does not mean that I think many blond and black men are not objectively attractive, I am just not personally attracted to them. And the author explains this is all because of my "unconscious bias." Really tired of all of these articles trying to make a case of racism out of everything.

And yet, you probably vote for Democrats who encourage this line of thinking

Because over the top anti-racism like Democrats display is merely silly, whereas over the top racism like the Republicans display is morally corrupt and lethal.

+1 this is nutty, but racists are deplorable. I understand that these people are trying to stop racism, but this is ridiculous.

But I don't think all Rs are racist. Unfortunately, though, their voices have been drowned out by people like Stephen Miller and his ilk.