Wapo Date Lab: Daters say they don’t tolerate racial bias. Their actions say otherwise

[Anonymous]

White female here. I can understand if you're not attracted to certain races. I don't like most white guys because I feel like I'm with my brother (gross), and I've dated several non-white men who *only* dated white women.

But I hear a lot of racist sh!t when it comes to dating. Growing up, I'd always hear my white female friends complain if a hispanic or black guy was interested in them. Sort of a "why does a hispanic guy think *I* would be interested in *him*?!" thing.

People would make fun of white women who dated non-white men. And I've heard a LOT of guys say they would never date a woman who had been with a black man (although they would all happily sleep with Beyonce)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White female here. I can understand if you're not attracted to certain races. I don't like most white guys because I feel like I'm with my brother (gross), and I've dated several non-white men who *only* dated white women.

But I hear a lot of racist sh!t when it comes to dating. Growing up, I'd always hear my white female friends complain if a hispanic or black guy was interested in them. Sort of a "why does a hispanic guy think *I* would be interested in *him*?!" thing.

People would make fun of white women who dated non-white men. And I've heard a LOT of guys say they would never date a woman who had been with a black man (although they would all happily sleep with Beyonce)

Where did you grow up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, attraction is hard wired. It's rediculous to say I am racist for being attracted to certain races as it is to say I am only attracted to people who are in shape, or to full hair vs bald, large vs small cheated women, fat vs thin. Gay people are born this way, as it is for body features which includes skin tone.

This. You literally do not choose who you are attracted to.

+2 I generally don't find most asians attractive but would bang Lucy Liu like a screen door in a hurricane. That also doesn't mean that I think they should be treated unfairly.

More liberal agenda building ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White female here. I can understand if you're not attracted to certain races. I don't like most white guys because I feel like I'm with my brother (gross), and I've dated several non-white men who *only* dated white women.

But I hear a lot of racist sh!t when it comes to dating. Growing up, I'd always hear my white female friends complain if a hispanic or black guy was interested in them. Sort of a "why does a hispanic guy think *I* would be interested in *him*?!" thing.

People would make fun of white women who dated non-white men. And I've heard a LOT of guys say they would never date a woman who had been with a black man (although they would all happily sleep with Beyonce)

I've dated several white women who have also dated black guys. They pretended to be interested in guys of different races, but really were most interested in black guys. Just be honest ladies if you have a preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cant understand people who say I am not attracted to X people. I can find beautiful, attractive, smart people in any city, any country with any background. There are really hot black men, white men, asian med, indian men, russian men, eastern european mean, south american men, central american man, african men, tall men, short men, muscular men, etc. I do have a type but I dont limit myself. There have been men that I wasnt very attracted to look-wise but their minds/personality was amazing and vice versa.

So for the people who say you are hard-wired to be attracted to a certain demographic, what do you make of those of us like me?

""What we see as attractive is a byproduct of not only our biological wiring, but is also influenced by socio-cultural factors," says David Sarwerof the Center for Human Appearance at the University of Pennsylvania.Although individual differences in what we consider attractive "are not well-understood," Sarwer says, we are shaped by "what we learn from our parents and peers as well as what we see in the mass media."

I'm someone who sees both of the debate. I do agree what we see as an attractive is heavily influenced by socio-political factors. But I would say that there's a difference between attractive and attraction. There's an also an innate aspect to attraction that's hard-wired. Yes, there are attractive men in every race and I can recognize that they are attractive. Nonetheless, I don't personally feel attracted to all of them. I feel the strongest attraction for men with dark hair with tan to dark skin.

I can see that Alexandar Skarsgaard is a really good looking person but I don't personally feel any attraction for him. When I look at someone who looks like Jason Momoa or Aldis Hodge, that's feeling of attraction hits me instantly.

I'm a very visual person so it's basically impossible for me to see past the physical aspect even if other parts of their personality were compatible. There are people who have strong physical preferences.

I also think there are many people who don't have strong physical types to begin with and if not socialized to find x attractive, they would date x, y, z, etc... There are also people for whom the non-physical aspects (i.e. common interests, personality, etc) play a greater role in their attraction to another person so looking past the physical (even if they do have a physical type) isn't a problem.

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous because people shouldn’t be forced to date people they don’t find attractive.

Freedom of association was outlawed in 1964. Didn’t you get the memo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous because people shouldn’t be forced to date people they don’t find attractive.

I’m also a person who hates curly hair. I have straight hair even if the man is white blonde, if he has curly hair it’s a turn off. I’m Hispanic and was around latins my whole life.

It’s a slippery slope to say this and then start to require laws who we are allowed to date. Oh who says we are making laws-what the heck is is this study about? racial bias in the dating world. OK so what. That’s happens to every race. Why do white men not go for their own buy for Asians woman? If I discriminate on a man who is short, again so what, we like what we like. The brain and sexual organs cannot be bias free. It will never end this line of thinking.

"Forced?" Who is forcing you to date anyone, or to date at all?

[Anonymous]

So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

At first, I thought this was the most idiotic concept in the history of the progressive left. But then, as an aging man with a receding hairline, I think I can get behind the concept that younger women should sleep with me, unless they are ageist and ableist.

[Anonymous]

Black woman PP here. I have been attracted to and dated all kinds, but instantly dropped anyone who dated only members of one race. A white man whose policy is not to date white women is weird. I think that sociological influence plays a role, which is why black women get so upset about black men who only date non-black people. I have said in other threads that we need to let them go. When I lived in Spain I learned that some African immigrants who came would marry white Spanish women and completely cut all family and other ties with the country of origin. They were called "complejos." It is tempting to judge them harshly but we all have different ways of dealing with the plutonium of self-hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

At first, I thought this was the most idiotic concept in the history of the progressive left. But then, as an aging man with a receding hairline, I think I can get behind the concept that younger women should sleep with me, unless they are ageist and ableist.

I think we were talking about dating. Who mentioned sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

At first, I thought this was the most idiotic concept in the history of the progressive left. But then, as an aging man with a receding hairline, I think I can get behind the concept that younger women should sleep with me, unless they are ageist and ableist.

I think we were talking about dating. Who mentioned sex?

Ah. So you're all about showboating. Not developing an intimate relationship. You just want to be seen at your favorite restaurant "dating" someone of a different race so that you can post on IG and boost your cred. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now people must date interracially to prove they aren't racist?

Apparently.

We’re going off the rails here, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. I have been friends with men of all shapes and colors, but I am not physically attracted to all shapes and colors. I am not physically attracted to blondes (Brad Pitt does nothing for me) and I am not physically attracted to black men either. This does not mean that I think many blond and black men are not objectively attractive, I am just not personally attracted to them. And the author explains this is all because of my "unconscious bias." Really tired of all of these articles trying to make a case of racism out of everything.

And yet, you probably vote for Democrats who encourage this line of thinking

Exactly. I’ve just accepted that no matter what I do, I’m racist. I don’t feel that way and I don’t live that way, but now who I’m attracted to is also wrong?

[Anonymous]

White guy here. There are plenty of black women who I find attractive, but frankly they intimidate me because I know they deal with a whole lot of emotional / personal / professional problems that I can’t even begin to imagine, so it is certain that they are stronger than me.