DH just asked for a divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry you are going through this.

But this seems to be one of the few cases where the divorce is for the best.

You seem to be very different.

It is better if both of you find someone more suited for your personalities/families.

[Anonymous]

It's over. Move on. Take his advice and find someone who will blend more easily with your racist alcoholic family.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe the coldness of some of these responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

WTF?

It sounds like the DH is being reasonable. If they have 50/50 custody and similar incomes, OP might not even qualify to receive child support.

If you’re both reasonable, you can probably save a ton on lawyers and just use a mediator. If you push for crazy things like full custody, don’t be surprised if he fights back. The lawyers will be the only ones who win in that situation. I also think it’s interesting that your son chose to stay with his dad instead of joining you on your weekend trip. Could the son be a lot more introverted (like his father) than you’d care to admit? Maybe if 50/50 custody isn’t on the table he would chose to live with his dad instead of OP... Then she’s stuck never seeing her kid and paying child support. Don’t be stupid and don’t try to push your luck.

Op here.

That is what he wants to do, avoid using attorneys to save on legal fees to pay down debt instead.

He has always been reclusive. The more time he spent with my family though, the less he wanted to. He said he feels like there’s no joy in our marriage. It was our sixth wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. He had a big breakfast spread for me and a card with flowers. I didn’t get him anything in return because we said we weren’t doing gifts.

He then was upset today that I am able to plan our my nieces and nephews birthdays but apparently "do nothing" for him. I think he is a borderline narcissist because he sets me up for things like that.

And for the record, his family isn’t perfect and HIS parents are also alcoholics. That’s why he never sees them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe the coldness of some of these responses.

I mean, what is there to do? She can't make him stay, he is clearly over her, the family, the whole thing. May as well just let it go. She needs to grieve because it's new to her, he has had time to work through any turmoil and emotion. But ultimately, the marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

WTF?

It sounds like the DH is being reasonable. If they have 50/50 custody and similar incomes, OP might not even qualify to receive child support.

If you’re both reasonable, you can probably save a ton on lawyers and just use a mediator. If you push for crazy things like full custody, don’t be surprised if he fights back. The lawyers will be the only ones who win in that situation. I also think it’s interesting that your son chose to stay with his dad instead of joining you on your weekend trip. Could the son be a lot more introverted (like his father) than you’d care to admit? Maybe if 50/50 custody isn’t on the table he would chose to live with his dad instead of OP... Then she’s stuck never seeing her kid and paying child support. Don’t be stupid and don’t try to push your luck.

Op here.

That is what he wants to do, avoid using attorneys to save on legal fees to pay down debt instead.

He has always been reclusive. The more time he spent with my family though, the less he wanted to. He said he feels like there’s no joy in our marriage. It was our sixth wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. He had a big breakfast spread for me and a card with flowers. I didn’t get him anything in return because we said we weren’t doing gifts.

He then was upset today that I am able to plan our my nieces and nephews birthdays but apparently "do nothing" for him. I think he is a borderline narcissist because he sets me up for things like that.

And for the record, his family isn’t perfect and HIS parents are also alcoholics. That’s why he never sees them.

Both of you have brought a whole lot of baggage into the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

WTF?

It sounds like the DH is being reasonable. If they have 50/50 custody and similar incomes, OP might not even qualify to receive child support.

If you’re both reasonable, you can probably save a ton on lawyers and just use a mediator. If you push for crazy things like full custody, don’t be surprised if he fights back. The lawyers will be the only ones who win in that situation. I also think it’s interesting that your son chose to stay with his dad instead of joining you on your weekend trip. Could the son be a lot more introverted (like his father) than you’d care to admit? Maybe if 50/50 custody isn’t on the table he would chose to live with his dad instead of OP... Then she’s stuck never seeing her kid and paying child support. Don’t be stupid and don’t try to push your luck.

Op here.

That is what he wants to do, avoid using attorneys to save on legal fees to pay down debt instead.

He has always been reclusive. The more time he spent with my family though, the less he wanted to. He said he feels like there’s no joy in our marriage. It was our sixth wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. He had a big breakfast spread for me and a card with flowers. I didn’t get him anything in return because we said we weren’t doing gifts.

He then was upset today that I am able to plan our my nieces and nephews birthdays but apparently "do nothing" for him. I think he is a borderline narcissist because he sets me up for things like that.

And for the record, his family isn’t perfect and HIS parents are also alcoholics. That’s why he never sees them.

And it sounds like he didn't give you a gift, but he did SOMETHING did you do ANYTHING for the anniversary? You could have written him a letter, there was no need to buy a gift.

And if he is distancing himself from the alcoholics in his own family of origin, why would he want to spend more time with the alcoholics in yours?

Not saying all of this is your fault, it takes two to make a marriage work, but just responding to what you have shared here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also, coming from a daughter of an alcoholic there is nothing like exposure to an active alcoholic to prevent a child from becoming one.

Great idea. I plan on befriending rapists, pedophiles, bank robbers, and drug addicts so my kids can be around them frequently and that will prevent them from becoming one.

[Anonymous]

Team husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

WTF?

It sounds like the DH is being reasonable. If they have 50/50 custody and similar incomes, OP might not even qualify to receive child support.

If you’re both reasonable, you can probably save a ton on lawyers and just use a mediator. If you push for crazy things like full custody, don’t be surprised if he fights back. The lawyers will be the only ones who win in that situation. I also think it’s interesting that your son chose to stay with his dad instead of joining you on your weekend trip. Could the son be a lot more introverted (like his father) than you’d care to admit? Maybe if 50/50 custody isn’t on the table he would chose to live with his dad instead of OP... Then she’s stuck never seeing her kid and paying child support. Don’t be stupid and don’t try to push your luck.

Op here.

That is what he wants to do, avoid using attorneys to save on legal fees to pay down debt instead.

He has always been reclusive. The more time he spent with my family though, the less he wanted to. He said he feels like there’s no joy in our marriage. It was our sixth wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. He had a big breakfast spread for me and a card with flowers. I didn’t get him anything in return because we said we weren’t doing gifts.

He then was upset today that I am able to plan our my nieces and nephews birthdays but apparently "do nothing" for him. I think he is a borderline narcissist because he sets me up for things like that.

And for the record, his family isn’t perfect and HIS parents are also alcoholics. That’s why he never sees them.

What an awful man for not wanting to be around alcoholics and racists. Even worse that he got your a card and flowers for your anniversary. Divorce him immediately!

Then can I marry him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

WTF?

It sounds like the DH is being reasonable. If they have 50/50 custody and similar incomes, OP might not even qualify to receive child support.

If you’re both reasonable, you can probably save a ton on lawyers and just use a mediator. If you push for crazy things like full custody, don’t be surprised if he fights back. The lawyers will be the only ones who win in that situation. I also think it’s interesting that your son chose to stay with his dad instead of joining you on your weekend trip. Could the son be a lot more introverted (like his father) than you’d care to admit? Maybe if 50/50 custody isn’t on the table he would chose to live with his dad instead of OP... Then she’s stuck never seeing her kid and paying child support. Don’t be stupid and don’t try to push your luck.

Op here.

That is what he wants to do, avoid using attorneys to save on legal fees to pay down debt instead.

He has always been reclusive. The more time he spent with my family though, the less he wanted to. He said he feels like there’s no joy in our marriage. It was our sixth wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. He had a big breakfast spread for me and a card with flowers. I didn’t get him anything in return because we said we weren’t doing gifts.

He then was upset today that I am able to plan our my nieces and nephews birthdays but apparently "do nothing" for him. I think he is a borderline narcissist because he sets me up for things like that.

And for the record, his family isn’t perfect and HIS parents are also alcoholics. That’s why he never sees them.

And it sounds like he didn't give you a gift, but he did SOMETHING did you do ANYTHING for the anniversary? You could have written him a letter, there was no need to buy a gift.

And if he is distancing himself from the alcoholics in his own family of origin, why would he want to spend more time with the alcoholics in yours?

Not saying all of this is your fault, it takes two to make a marriage work, but just responding to what you have shared here.

The fact that he distanced himself from his alcoholic parents means he’s consistent. It would have been worse if he held your parents to a higher standard. He’s right. It’s over. Move on and find someone who is cool with your family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I still think he's having an affair.

How would one pull off having an affair these days? At least in my house, we're all stuck at home and together 24/7. Unless one of us gets busy with a dashing paramour in the produce aisle during a run to Whole Foods, it's just not an option logistically.

[Anonymous]

Team husband. You say it’s a blindside, I disagree. It sounds like he’s been telling you, you just didn’t care enough to listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him file. Then fight him tooth and nail for full custody and every penny you can squeeze out of him. Sounds like a loser anyway. You will be fine. Oh, and line up a date as soon as possible and rub his face in it.

WTF?

It sounds like the DH is being reasonable. If they have 50/50 custody and similar incomes, OP might not even qualify to receive child support.

If you’re both reasonable, you can probably save a ton on lawyers and just use a mediator. If you push for crazy things like full custody, don’t be surprised if he fights back. The lawyers will be the only ones who win in that situation. I also think it’s interesting that your son chose to stay with his dad instead of joining you on your weekend trip. Could the son be a lot more introverted (like his father) than you’d care to admit? Maybe if 50/50 custody isn’t on the table he would chose to live with his dad instead of OP... Then she’s stuck never seeing her kid and paying child support. Don’t be stupid and don’t try to push your luck.

Op here.

That is what he wants to do, avoid using attorneys to save on legal fees to pay down debt instead.

He has always been reclusive. The more time he spent with my family though, the less he wanted to. He said he feels like there’s no joy in our marriage. It was our sixth wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. He had a big breakfast spread for me and a card with flowers. I didn’t get him anything in return because we said we weren’t doing gifts.

He then was upset today that I am able to plan our my nieces and nephews birthdays but apparently "do nothing" for him. I think he is a borderline narcissist because he sets me up for things like that.

And for the record, his family isn’t perfect and HIS parents are also alcoholics. That’s why he never sees them.

OP, this is why he wants a divorce. He feels strongly enough about alcoholism to stay away from his own family. Yet, here you are insisting that the alcoholics in your family remain intertwined in your lives.

[Anonymous]

Who cares if he is having an affair or not he has told his wife he doesn't want to be married to her anymore. That is all the information she needs.