DH just asked for a divorce.

[Anonymous]

a) I'm going to agree with those who are suggesting there's a girlfriend. He didn't spend the weekend alone, OP.
b) I don't think I would be particularly tolerant of my child having weekly contact with racist, alcoholic in laws either. However, I would have put my foot down long before dropping the divorce bombshell.
c) Do not agree to ANYTHING. Not one thing. Do not leave the house. Lawyer up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a) I'm going to agree with those who are suggesting there's a girlfriend. He didn't spend the weekend alone, OP.
b) I don't think I would be particularly tolerant of my child having weekly contact with racist, alcoholic in laws either. However, I would have put my foot down long before dropping the divorce bombshell.
c) Do not agree to ANYTHING. Not one thing. Do not leave the house. Lawyer up.

He spent the weekend with their child. It is in the OP.

[Anonymous]

#TeamHusband.

I am a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a) I'm going to agree with those who are suggesting there's a girlfriend. He didn't spend the weekend alone, OP.
b) I don't think I would be particularly tolerant of my child having weekly contact with racist, alcoholic in laws either. However, I would have put my foot down long before dropping the divorce bombshell.
c) Do not agree to ANYTHING. Not one thing. Do not leave the house. Lawyer up.

Getting a lawyer with a reasonable person on the other side will guarantee a long and expensive fight. What can a lawyer get her? Screwing the dad out of less than 50/50? I’ve seen that sh-t show play out. They fight for two or more years and someone gets an a extra overnight in a two week rotating period.

Y’all saying to lawyer up are not very thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

It’s funny how she said her parents were Republicans and people say they are “racists.” My dad is a Republican and the finest and most generous man I have ever known.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. Hugs. Usually a request for divorce is prompted by an unhappy spouse finding another love interest (men, especially, even if very unhappy, will not think about leaving wife/kid(s) without a lady in the wings). It’s true. Don’t ask for full custody. He should have to take care of the kid half time (and you will want that time to date). This guy had thought out very carefully his financial offer. You need some legal advice. Something smells bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking someone to see your family once a week is quite a lot.

Agree. I love my husband so much and we are happy (most of the time), but there is absolutely NO WAY o could see his family weekly. NO WAY.

OP said she invited him weekly. Sounded like an offer not an expectation. It’s ok that he is introverted and doesn’t like his family, but she is entitled to interact with her relatives on her own time (her child excluded - he has the right to demands about who his child is exposed
to of course). Whether she balanced that weekly visit with quality time with her husband is an unanswered question.

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman going through a similar situation with my husband, but roles reversed. Our 6th anniversary was also recently.
Anyways- I had been trying to tell him what was wrong for years, but he didn’t listen. It finally got too big and when I was done, I was done. He probably reached that point. Interestingly, my DH also used the word “blindsided” but I had been asking for change for years.
Get an amicable divorce. Time to move on. It will be scary AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a) I'm going to agree with those who are suggesting there's a girlfriend. He didn't spend the weekend alone, OP.
b) I don't think I would be particularly tolerant of my child having weekly contact with racist, alcoholic in laws either. However, I would have put my foot down long before dropping the divorce bombshell.
c) Do not agree to ANYTHING. Not one thing. Do not leave the house. Lawyer up.

He spent the weekend with their child. It is in the OP.

OP did not state that her family is racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how she said her parents were Republicans and people say they are “racists.” My dad is a Republican and the finest and most generous man I have ever known.

Yes, Republicans are not racists. I believe Democrats are more likely to be racists.

[Anonymous]

Actually I do believe that many Republicans are racists far more than Democrats. But many are not and using the terms interchangeably is wrong.

[Anonymous]

No more politics talk. Op any updates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how she said her parents were Republicans and people say they are “racists.” My dad is a Republican and the finest and most generous man I have ever known.

Not all Republicans are racists but all racists are Republican, so it’s an understanding conclusion to draw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how she said her parents were Republicans and people say they are “racists.” My dad is a Republican and the finest and most generous man I have ever known.

Yes, Republicans are not racists. I believe Democrats are more likely to be racists.

Weird belief. That might have been true before the Southern Strategy but hasn’t been the case in half a century.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're basically married to your parents. You didn't emotionally separate from your family of origin. It's not surprising at all that your husband sees no role for himself in this picture--it's not because he's an introvert and it's not because your parents are politically objectionable. It's because you are enmeshed with them at his expense.

Has either of you ever been to therapy? Have you ever been to therapy together? You might be able to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat here, but you have to get ready--this will not be a process of everyone agreeing that he was the bad guy for springing this on you. You share responsibility and you're going to have to own up to it.

Good luck.