Why are dating apps filled with MC or LMC guys?

[Anonymous]

I second eHarmony. I met my professional husband there. I was a professional in my late 20’s and he was in his mid 30’s then.

[Anonymous]

They’re meeting through friends or at work etc. not on trashy websites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.I am recently separated and would like to meet a similar minded professional guy to build a family with.

This right here is your issue. You have a certain type of guy in your mind and you’re not willing to go outside that box. The UMC white collar guy who is making 6 figures and drives an BMW. Most guys like that are either gay or snatched up already.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried hanging out in the quinoa aisle at Whole Foods?

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with MC guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not trying to be snobby but I have been on Tinder and OKC and most of my matches are....not college educated and/or blue collar. Some of them are hot and smart. But I am looking for a longterm match with a 30something UMC guy with a professional job.

Is it my profile? What is going on?

Are you UMC with a professional job?

Yes

You need to network at work. UMC generally meet st school or work... maybe neighbors. Do you live in a nice building of 30 professionals? Have a ‘block party’ in common room. Use building gym more (but $$$ gym works too). UMC on OKC and tinder are looking for hot 20 something for a fling, not 30 year with ticking clock.

Great idea. I work for an international development non profit so my colleagues are all women and gay men. :\

You work for an org does that definitely does not pay you well. You would never really cross paths with UMC men at a Chemonics or the like. Why didn't you try harder to meet men in grad school? Certainly, there would have been men going into consulting or something there.

I met my soon to be ex husband in graduate school. And yes my career doesn't pay "UMC salary" but I have had the "UMC life" of international travel, intellectual conversations about foreign policy, art books and politics. Its hard to chat with someone who's best trip ever was NYC. Or someone that doesn't know about quinoa.

Just reading this its clear why you're getting divorced.

Well, that’s a little more dcum-harsh than I would have used, but her post did set off some warning bells.

[Anonymous]

A guy who will support you is not an entitlement. If you chose a non-profit job, you have to expect that men with interests similar to yours will have done the same.

You can try joining volunteer groups that use power tools, like Habitat for Humanity. Softball is also pretty mixed gender. Language focused meet up groups also are mixed gender.

Really, though, if you want to meet educated men, you need to move to SF or Seattle. The tech industries make the male female ratios higher there. There are so many women in DC that men have way too much leverage, and they behave badly as a result. If you are willing to date men over 50, that is also a strategy. I have several make friends who hit 50, realized they were going to die alone, and ran out and married women with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not trying to be snobby but I have been on Tinder and OKC and most of my matches are....not college educated and/or blue collar. Some of them are hot and smart. But I am looking for a longterm match with a 30something UMC guy with a professional job.

Is it my profile? What is going on?

Are you UMC with a professional job?

Yes

You need to network at work. UMC generally meet st school or work... maybe neighbors. Do you live in a nice building of 30 professionals? Have a ‘block party’ in common room. Use building gym more (but $$$ gym works too). UMC on OKC and tinder are looking for hot 20 something for a fling, not 30 year with ticking clock.

Great idea. I work for an international development non profit so my colleagues are all women and gay men. :\

You work for an org does that definitely does not pay you well. You would never really cross paths with UMC men at a Chemonics or the like. Why didn't you try harder to meet men in grad school? Certainly, there would have been men going into consulting or something there.

I met my soon to be ex husband in graduate school. And yes my career doesn't pay "UMC salary" but I have had the "UMC life" of international travel, intellectual conversations about foreign policy, art books and politics. Its hard to chat with someone who's best trip ever was NYC. Or someone that doesn't know about quinoa.

OP, have you tried socializing with your alumni groups? At least that way you know the guys will have the education that you want. I posted before that you need to let your network know you want to be set up. Expand your network and ask married women for help with blind dates.

I mean this gently, but is your profession one that has a long career path? Most female non-profit workers I've known don't make much money, and they either enter better paying fields or drop out of the workforce to become SAHMs by their early 30's. I really haven't seen a lot of late 30's plus women still working these $60K/year jobs. The ones I know who do are married to other low earners so not working isn't an option. I didn't meet my husband until my early 30's, and I can say that there seemed to be a big difference in salary expectations for women in their late 20's/early 30's than in early 20's. Early 20's, most guys weren't looking at a woman's earning potential. By late 20's/early 30's, many men were looking for either a good earner so they could have a good HHI together or the guy made lots of money and wanted a wife who would become a SAHM. Salary can disqualify a woman much more at that stage of life. I made a good salary so I had tons of dating prospects, but lots of guy friends nixed women who wouldn't be able to contribute to the UMC lifestyle they wanted. No disrespect intended towards any profession, just trying to help OP identify any potential issues to meeting the kind of guy she says she's looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not trying to be snobby but I have been on Tinder and OKC and most of my matches are....not college educated and/or blue collar. Some of them are hot and smart. But I am looking for a longterm match with a 30something UMC guy with a professional job.

Is it my profile? What is going on?

Are you UMC with a professional job?

Yes

You need to network at work. UMC generally meet st school or work... maybe neighbors. Do you live in a nice building of 30 professionals? Have a ‘block party’ in common room. Use building gym more (but $$$ gym works too). UMC on OKC and tinder are looking for hot 20 something for a fling, not 30 year with ticking clock.

Great idea. I work for an international development non profit so my colleagues are all women and gay men. :\

You work for an org does that definitely does not pay you well. You would never really cross paths with UMC men at a Chemonics or the like. Why didn't you try harder to meet men in grad school? Certainly, there would have been men going into consulting or something there.

I met my soon to be ex husband in graduate school. And yes my career doesn't pay "UMC salary" but I have had the "UMC life" of international travel, intellectual conversations about foreign policy, art books and politics. Its hard to chat with someone who's best trip ever was NYC. Or someone that doesn't know about quinoa.

OP, have you tried socializing with your alumni groups? At least that way you know the guys will have the education that you want. I posted before that you need to let your network know you want to be set up. Expand your network and ask married women for help with blind dates.

I mean this gently, but is your profession one that has a long career path? Most female non-profit workers I've known don't make much money, and they either enter better paying fields or drop out of the workforce to become SAHMs by their early 30's. I really haven't seen a lot of late 30's plus women still working these $60K/year jobs. The ones I know who do are married to other low earners so not working isn't an option. I didn't meet my husband until my early 30's, and I can say that there seemed to be a big difference in salary expectations for women in their late 20's/early 30's than in early 20's. Early 20's, most guys weren't looking at a woman's earning potential. By late 20's/early 30's, many men were looking for either a good earner so they could have a good HHI together or the guy made lots of money and wanted a wife who would become a SAHM. Salary can disqualify a woman much more at that stage of life. I made a good salary so I had tons of dating prospects, but lots of guy friends nixed women who wouldn't be able to contribute to the UMC lifestyle they wanted. No disrespect intended towards any profession, just trying to help OP identify any potential issues to meeting the kind of guy she says she's looking for.

Thank you for your feedback. I have thought about this, yes. I need to find out how I can leverage my experience into a better paying career path, There is a very real possibility I may be alone so I need to determine how to support myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The UMC guys I know, particularly the older ones, would never dream of seriously dating someone from an app. They meet women through their circle of friends, their country club, and activities like golf. Sign up for golf lessons and join a club if you can.

She wants to date guys in their 30s, not some old bastard.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, this is classist! My DH never went to college and works a union trade job-he makes 6 figures and is smarter than most of the people I work with at my white collar job.

[Anonymous]

What is this fixation on the United Methodist Church of which I am a member? I guess we tend to have resources but that is not the purpose of Methodism. It is flattering nonetheless to a denomination that has seen a steady erosion of membership over the last 40 years.

[Anonymous]

Man here.

It's the difference between shopping on Amazon and a boutique. Online dating seems convenient because you can filter and sort through the results much like you can on Amazon: height, ethnicity, religion, offspring. But just like Amazon, there's a question of quality control and counterfeits. It's much easier to stick to certain circles and high-end areas (boutiques) to avoid wasting my time. There are plenty of schemers in those areas as well, but they're easy to sniff out, and that's the pool you pull from when you want a fling or a one night stand.

[Anonymous]

Man here, late 30s, when women ask me to set them up with my single friends, I have none that fit your description except one that is recently divorced with a young kid. I know a couple male middle class guys, making low 100s that are catches but shy so you may need to be more aggressive when you are out. All the attractive, charismatic men your age are married or cheating (or both).

But there are some, and I agree - club sports (softball is a good one) alumni networks including game day get togethers, I liked the golf suggestion.

Also agree you should expand your criteria and look for mid-40s divorced men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, late 30s, when women ask me to set them up with my single friends, I have none that fit your description except one that is recently divorced with a young kid. I know a couple male middle class guys, making low 100s that are catches but shy so you may need to be more aggressive when you are out. All the attractive, charismatic men your age are married or cheating (or both).

But there are some, and I agree - club sports (softball is a good one) alumni networks including game day get togethers, I liked the golf suggestion.

Also agree you should expand your criteria and look for mid-40s divorced men

95% of these are men that cheated and are narcissists so they will charm and willingly convince you that it was the wife that cheated or the wife did not want sex.

I would be VERY careful entering into any relationship with divorced men 40 and over. You will be the next victim. 75% of second marriages end in divorce.