I HATE AUTISM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear op. So sorry. I think dealing with violence has got to be so tough. You home stops being a safe space and so you are caught in a constant state of high alert. That is soooo hard. Please ignore the folks who condemn your vent. It is important to acknowledge the pain and loss to be able to bear the load and find joy in life. Negating difficulties does not make them go away/. Feel your feels, and then take a step back and see if there is anything you can do to help you deal with what is a long term very challenging situation. The constant stress will not go away- your brain and body need supports. Yoga, mediation, your own therapist. We can’t parent alone we all need support. Big hugs.

condemning the title and the fact that she doesn't know that child has autism but puts in CAPS in title!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a child with autism and you're going around saying you hate autism, you're a bad parent. Plain and simple. Your job is to advocate and support your child. You should be working to make the world a more accommodating and supportive environment. Your child has enough struggles without his/her own parents spewing hateful words.

I hate neurotypicals!! They don't know how to follow a routine, insist on talking in codes rather than just saying what they mean, insist on variety just for the sake of it, and don't let me stim when that's a key way for me to emotionally regulate., etc. etc. That would be a really awful thing to say, right?

Don't use hate when it comes to your kids. Should be an easy rule.

This is horrible and frankly, PP, you are horrible for saying it.

If I have a child with cancer, am I not allowed to say that I hate cancer? Cancer is NOT my child, nor my child's identity.

Ahem. Obviously the correct thing to say is that you hate the SYMPTOMS of cancer, not cancer itself! Saying you hate cancer when your kid has cancer makes you a bad parent!

So we have learned today from the sanctimoniously offended moms using this post as a chance to pile on to a woman already having a tough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a child with autism and you're going around saying you hate autism, you're a bad parent. Plain and simple. Your job is to advocate and support your child. You should be working to make the world a more accommodating and supportive environment. Your child has enough struggles without his/her own parents spewing hateful words.

I hate neurotypicals!! They don't know how to follow a routine, insist on talking in codes rather than just saying what they mean, insist on variety just for the sake of it, and don't let me stim when that's a key way for me to emotionally regulate., etc. etc. That would be a really awful thing to say, right?

Don't use hate when it comes to your kids. Should be an easy rule.

This is horrible and frankly, PP, you are horrible for saying it.

If I have a child with cancer, am I not allowed to say that I hate cancer? Cancer is NOT my child, nor my child's identity.

Ahem. Obviously the correct thing to say is that you hate the SYMPTOMS of cancer, not cancer itself! Saying you hate cancer when your kid has cancer makes you a bad parent!

So we have learned today from the sanctimoniously offended moms using this post as a chance to pile on to a woman already having a tough time.

She herself says that the first time anyone said he had autism was this counselor, we don't know what this kid has but clearly the mom is having a hard time so why post this as an autism thread and not focus on the other issues which the child definitely has? This is a little weird, maybe the kid does or maybe he doesn't but the A Word is not going to help, learning to deal with the behavior will and letting go of blaming AUTISM when it might be something else. Maybe there are mental health issues...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a child with autism and you're going around saying you hate autism, you're a bad parent. Plain and simple. Your job is to advocate and support your child. You should be working to make the world a more accommodating and supportive environment. Your child has enough struggles without his/her own parents spewing hateful words.

I hate neurotypicals!! They don't know how to follow a routine, insist on talking in codes rather than just saying what they mean, insist on variety just for the sake of it, and don't let me stim when that's a key way for me to emotionally regulate., etc. etc. That would be a really awful thing to say, right?

Don't use hate when it comes to your kids. Should be an easy rule.

This is horrible and frankly, PP, you are horrible for saying it.

If I have a child with cancer, am I not allowed to say that I hate cancer? Cancer is NOT my child, nor my child's identity.

They are not comparable. Cancer is a disease. Autism is not. Autism is not something that needs to be cured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alright. Not welcome. Got it. I feel the way I feel, and I’ve been trying to get help for myself and my kid for YEARS. It’s been round and round and round and no one has EVER until now thought that my child’s issues were anything other than shitty parenting. Guess they’re all right. I still hate autism - my kid definitely has it but diagnosis takes FOREVER once you have a direction, and I hate that my kid has it. Why? Because parenting him is HELL and always has been. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES HE HAS ISSUES. Because they all think it’s “inconsistent parenting” or “because Mom isn’t married” or “because mom sucks at parenting”. I’ve been trying to get someone to listen to me about this kid FOR YEARS. Since he was 2 or 3. But no, I was you g when I had him so I’m a terrible mom.

I’ll find support somewhere else.

No surprise your son has issues after reading your posts. How would you act if your mom said she hated a core part of your identity? I'd probably try to hide in screens all day, too.

This is so uncalled for. I hate this type of reasoning. I'm sure she wouldn't be angry and overwhelmed if her child wasn't violent and a behavior problem, right? Maybe, just maybe, it is the other way around and she's angry and exhausted BECAUSE of the issues she is having with her child? couldn't that be that case? No, blame her reaction for what happened for something that happened before she reacted this way. I hate this type of thinking. Oh...and I think it's just fine to hate autism since without it your child would still be your wonderful child that you love in every way but without the behavioral/medical/emotional/academic problems. Your child isn't autism. the autism is just a part of your child that any sane person would wish away if it's causing problem. go ahead and flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alright. Not welcome. Got it. I feel the way I feel, and I’ve been trying to get help for myself and my kid for YEARS. It’s been round and round and round and no one has EVER until now thought that my child’s issues were anything other than shitty parenting. Guess they’re all right. I still hate autism - my kid definitely has it but diagnosis takes FOREVER once you have a direction, and I hate that my kid has it. Why? Because parenting him is HELL and always has been. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES HE HAS ISSUES. Because they all think it’s “inconsistent parenting” or “because Mom isn’t married” or “because mom sucks at parenting”. I’ve been trying to get someone to listen to me about this kid FOR YEARS. Since he was 2 or 3. But no, I was you g when I had him so I’m a terrible mom.

I’ll find support somewhere else.

OP, if you are here. Please call Kennedy Krieger today and get an appointment for a full psychological workup. Then call Children's Hospital and make an appt for a full psychological workup. YES, you are right, the appts will be set for MONTHS from now because of the long waitlists. But at least getting an appt at BOTH places will help you. And put yourself on the "if there is a cancellation please call me list".

And see if your son's psychologist also has names of independent psychs who can do a full psych workup for autism, ADD, ODD, ADHD and anxiety and call and get on THEIR appt waitlists.

Just doing this will help you feel (a teensy weensy bit) better.

And then be good to yourself, know that it's HARD - I truly know it. A child's behavior can turn a household upside down!

Yes! Make an appointment at Kennedy Krieger. We got in very quickly as some people have cancelled appointments due to Covid worries. They do tele appointments too.

Also, next time he gets taken to the ER for violence, can you have him admitted to a psych hospital for medication adjustment? If he’s a threat to himself or others, he should qualify for admission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get that you’re frustrated but it’s enormously offensive for you to fixate on autism especially when you don’t even know if it’s autism, and haven’t gotten any autism services. At this point you need to focus on parenting therapy.

Signed,
Mom who adores her little aspie and his autism

Plus one. If you are certain that it’s autism, you really need to get on the waitlist for testing, like everyone else. Just make the phone call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a child with autism and you're going around saying you hate autism, you're a bad parent. Plain and simple. Your job is to advocate and support your child. You should be working to make the world a more accommodating and supportive environment. Your child has enough struggles without his/her own parents spewing hateful words.

I hate neurotypicals!! They don't know how to follow a routine, insist on talking in codes rather than just saying what they mean, insist on variety just for the sake of it, and don't let me stim when that's a key way for me to emotionally regulate., etc. etc. That would be a really awful thing to say, right?

Don't use hate when it comes to your kids. Should be an easy rule.

This is horrible and frankly, PP, you are horrible for saying it.

If I have a child with cancer, am I not allowed to say that I hate cancer? Cancer is NOT my child, nor my child's identity.

They are not comparable. Cancer is a disease. Autism is not. Autism is not something that needs to be cured.

Many of us that don’t have adorable aspies would disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a child with autism and you're going around saying you hate autism, you're a bad parent. Plain and simple. Your job is to advocate and support your child. You should be working to make the world a more accommodating and supportive environment. Your child has enough struggles without his/her own parents spewing hateful words.

I hate neurotypicals!! They don't know how to follow a routine, insist on talking in codes rather than just saying what they mean, insist on variety just for the sake of it, and don't let me stim when that's a key way for me to emotionally regulate., etc. etc. That would be a really awful thing to say, right?

Don't use hate when it comes to your kids. Should be an easy rule.

This is horrible and frankly, PP, you are horrible for saying it.

If I have a child with cancer, am I not allowed to say that I hate cancer? Cancer is NOT my child, nor my child's identity.

They are not comparable. Cancer is a disease. Autism is not. Autism is not something that needs to be cured.

Many of us that don’t have adorable aspies would disagree with you.

Autism is a spectrum of social and communication difficulties, but it doesn’t automatically include violent behavior. To post that you hate Autism, when you’re not even sure that your child HAS Autism, just perpetuates negative stereotypes against people on the spectrum. It sounds like the child has more going on. Autistic doesn’t mean violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are private child counseling groups that will give your son a diagnosis if warranted and start him on medication. Usually, there's a meeting of the therapist with the kid, a meeting with the parents, the therapist talks to teachers, pediatrician, etc., then the therapist meets with the parents again to chart a plan forward. It will cost around $700-900 for these appointments. The right medication can make a huge difference in a child being available for getting help with therapy.

+1. Try Child and Family Counseling in Fairfax. If they aren't taking new patients, they can refer you to a simliar practice.

[Anonymous]

We have never permitted video games in our home. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alright. Not welcome. Got it. I feel the way I feel, and I’ve been trying to get help for myself and my kid for YEARS. It’s been round and round and round and no one has EVER until now thought that my child’s issues were anything other than shitty parenting. Guess they’re all right. I still hate autism - my kid definitely has it but diagnosis takes FOREVER once you have a direction, and I hate that my kid has it. Why? Because parenting him is HELL and always has been. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES HE HAS ISSUES. Because they all think it’s “inconsistent parenting” or “because Mom isn’t married” or “because mom sucks at parenting”. I’ve been trying to get someone to listen to me about this kid FOR YEARS. Since he was 2 or 3. But no, I was you g when I had him so I’m a terrible mom.

I’ll find support somewhere else.

No surprise your son has issues after reading your posts. How would you act if your mom said she hated a core part of your identity? I'd probably try to hide in screens all day, too.

This is so uncalled for. I hate this type of reasoning. I'm sure she wouldn't be angry and overwhelmed if her child wasn't violent and a behavior problem, right? Maybe, just maybe, it is the other way around and she's angry and exhausted BECAUSE of the issues she is having with her child? couldn't that be that case? No, blame her reaction for what happened for something that happened before she reacted this way. I hate this type of thinking. Oh...and I think it's just fine to hate autism since without it your child would still be your wonderful child that you love in every way but without the behavioral/medical/emotional/academic problems. Your child isn't autism. the autism is just a part of your child that any sane person would wish away if it's causing problem. go ahead and flame away.

No, your child would not still be that wonderful child that you love in every way without their autism. Their autism is literally how their brain works. They would be a completely different person. Autism is not a disease. The more you think and act like autism is some evil thing that happened to your child, the less progress your child will make. If you learn to accept them and figure out what works for them rather than continue failing to make them fit into some image you had of a child, you'll be much more successful. Or you can continue to temper tantrum about hating autism and then wonder why your kid hates you.

[Anonymous]

Some of you would really benefit from the group "Sounds Like You Should Ask an Autistic, But OK" on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a child with autism and you're going around saying you hate autism, you're a bad parent. Plain and simple. Your job is to advocate and support your child. You should be working to make the world a more accommodating and supportive environment. Your child has enough struggles without his/her own parents spewing hateful words.

I hate neurotypicals!! They don't know how to follow a routine, insist on talking in codes rather than just saying what they mean, insist on variety just for the sake of it, and don't let me stim when that's a key way for me to emotionally regulate., etc. etc. That would be a really awful thing to say, right?

Don't use hate when it comes to your kids. Should be an easy rule.

This is horrible and frankly, PP, you are horrible for saying it.

If I have a child with cancer, am I not allowed to say that I hate cancer? Cancer is NOT my child, nor my child's identity.

Ahem. Obviously the correct thing to say is that you hate the SYMPTOMS of cancer, not cancer itself! Saying you hate cancer when your kid has cancer makes you a bad parent!

So we have learned today from the sanctimoniously offended moms using this post as a chance to pile on to a woman already having a tough time.

Autism does not kill people. Wow, forget society at large, among special needs parents the prejudice and nastiness around autism can be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have never permitted video games in our home. Problem solved.

How is this advice helpful to OP?

It’s really not a good idea for anyone’s mental health to take away the one source of enjoyment in life for a child with violent episodes requiring 9118 who is not currently in treatment or medicated.